I don't want him in my life at all and this baby would be far better without him. I intended to move back home, from the west coast to the east coast. He wouldn't find out.
I'm not just thinking about this for me. He would be a terrible father. He is totally absent from his other child's life. Is it ever ok to keep a pregnancy from the father?
No, it is never OK to keep the pregnancy from a father resulting from consensual sex. It is troubling to me that the answer is not obvious. I recently saw a show on TLC where the father (who thought he'd never had a biological child), was found by his daughter when he was an old man. It was so sad that he was robbed of that experience.
A woman recently was found to have kidnapped a baby from a hospital and raised the child as her own. At age 18, the child discovered the truth and seems to have little interest in a relationship with her biological parents. The woman is in prison. The biological mother and father were deprived of their child and the opportunity to have the life enrich their own. Here you are basically considering the same thing -- kidnapping. Honestly, in my opinion, a woman that knows who the father is and fails to notify that father of a pregnancy and birth is guilty of kidnapping. I have never heard of it being enforced legally, but it is certainly kidnapping from a moral perspective. And the insidious nature of taking advantage of the fact that the man may never know, disgusts me. Sorry, but you need to be an adult and live with the consequences of your action. You had sex with him and both of you are responsible for this outcome. You should have taken the morning after pill if you didn't want to get pregnant. That would have prevented ovulation and side-stepped the whole thing. But, you let him cum inside you, knowing you were not on birth control, knowing you were divorcing, and then you let it happen. Then you have the nerve to think you can kidnap the baby? Wow.
Before the advent of genetic testing, women could claim that they didn't know the father and there was no way to prove it one way or the other. But today, we can determine who the father is, and IMO, it should be criminal for a parent to knowingly deprive another parent of their rights to be a parent. IMO, the laws should be updated to reflect that.
Oh, and it's not your choice to decide if he is an adequate father. Your opinion is not exactly unbiased. That is for a family court to determine.