Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 03:15 PM Thread Starter
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Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

I was married to my husband for 3 years, we are legally divorced now. He left the marriage for another woman and he is now living with her and she is pregnant. While we were married he knocked up another woman who has his child. Two weeks ago I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I have never had sex with anyone other than him so I know it is his child. While we were separated we had sex once, which was a mistake. He wants nothing to do with me and the divorce was a mess. He left for another woman... I don't want him in my life at all and this baby would be far better without him. I intended to move back home, from the west coast to the east coast. He wouldn't find out.

I'm not just thinking about this for me. He would be a terrible father. He is totally absent from his other child's life. Is it ever ok to keep a pregnancy from the father?

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post #2 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 03:21 PM
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Re: Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

Your child does deserve his financial support whether he is in that child's life or not.

Hope he has a good job, he'll be doing this thrice.
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post #3 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 03:22 PM
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Re: Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

No

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post #4 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 03:24 PM
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Re: Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

If you don't tell him, you are running a risk that he may try to take that child away from you in the future, or that he will demand parental rights. He would eventually finding out, that is just how luck works.

If he wants nothing to do with you, he should have no problem signing a legal document abdicating his parental rights, assuming you will sign a reciprocal document saying that you will never request child support.

I would urge you to consult a (family law) lawyer before doing anything.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #5 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 03:25 PM
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Re: Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

Why would you want to hide this, go after him for child support.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #6 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 03:25 PM
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Re: Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

If the sex was consentual, then no.
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post #7 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 03:27 PM
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Re: Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

Who's name in on the birth certificate?

Unless you want to pursue child support do not tell him, sounds like a complete loser.
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post #8 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 03:33 PM
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Re: Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

Who is going to support the child? You or the taxpayer? The loser must be made to pay child support, not the rest of us.
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post #9 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 03:44 PM
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Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

.

Last edited by Miss Independent; 03-18-2017 at 10:57 PM.
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post #10 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 03:55 PM
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Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

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Originally Posted by Miss Independent View Post
Why do you assume that you're going to pay for her kid?

It's 2017 tons of women can financially take care of their children.

Op, I agree with @FeministInPink.

Consult a lawyer and see if he can sign his rights away.



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I didn't assume. I asked her. Did you even read what i wrote?

And the "us" includes OP.

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post #11 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 03:59 PM
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Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

.

Last edited by Miss Independent; 03-18-2017 at 10:58 PM.
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post #12 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 04:01 PM
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Re: Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

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Either the loser pay or "the rest of us".

Op is the mother, so it is her job (and along with the father) to take of her child.

If he doesn't want to take care of their child, she can go after him or use it to get rid of him.


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post #13 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 04:03 PM
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Re: Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Independent View Post
Why do you assume that you're going to pay for her kid?

It's 2017 tons of women can financially take care of their children.

Op, I agree with @FeministInPink.

Consult a lawyer and see if he can sign his rights away.



-Miss Independent (formally known as Spinster)


It's <Current Year> so women who are taking care of kids on their own don't use government assistance. What would give anyone this idea? What does the date have to do with it?

By being a single parent, you are drastically more likely to live in poverty, and need / use government assistance. Check with the BLS, the odds of being on government assistance are multiplied by 5 if you are a single mother living alone, rather than married.

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post #14 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 04:10 PM
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Re: Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

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I don't want him in my life at all and this baby would be far better without him. I intended to move back home, from the west coast to the east coast. He wouldn't find out.

I'm not just thinking about this for me. He would be a terrible father. He is totally absent from his other child's life. Is it ever ok to keep a pregnancy from the father?
No, it is never OK to keep the pregnancy from a father resulting from consensual sex. It is troubling to me that the answer is not obvious. I recently saw a show on TLC where the father (who thought he'd never had a biological child), was found by his daughter when he was an old man. It was so sad that he was robbed of that experience.

A woman recently was found to have kidnapped a baby from a hospital and raised the child as her own. At age 18, the child discovered the truth and seems to have little interest in a relationship with her biological parents. The woman is in prison. The biological mother and father were deprived of their child and the opportunity to have the life enrich their own. Here you are basically considering the same thing -- kidnapping. Honestly, in my opinion, a woman that knows who the father is and fails to notify that father of a pregnancy and birth is guilty of kidnapping. I have never heard of it being enforced legally, but it is certainly kidnapping from a moral perspective. And the insidious nature of taking advantage of the fact that the man may never know, disgusts me. Sorry, but you need to be an adult and live with the consequences of your action. You had sex with him and both of you are responsible for this outcome. You should have taken the morning after pill if you didn't want to get pregnant. That would have prevented ovulation and side-stepped the whole thing. But, you let him cum inside you, knowing you were not on birth control, knowing you were divorcing, and then you let it happen. Then you have the nerve to think you can kidnap the baby? Wow.

Before the advent of genetic testing, women could claim that they didn't know the father and there was no way to prove it one way or the other. But today, we can determine who the father is, and IMO, it should be criminal for a parent to knowingly deprive another parent of their rights to be a parent. IMO, the laws should be updated to reflect that.

Oh, and it's not your choice to decide if he is an adequate father. Your opinion is not exactly unbiased. That is for a family court to determine.
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post #15 of 23 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 04:18 PM
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Re: Is it ever ok to hide a pregnancy/child?

Quote:
Originally Posted by orvi View Post
I was married to my husband for 3 years, we are legally divorced now. He left the marriage for another woman and he is now living with her and she is pregnant. While we were married he knocked up another woman who has his child. Two weeks ago I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I have never had sex with anyone other than him so I know it is his child. While we were separated we had sex once, which was a mistake. He wants nothing to do with me and the divorce was a mess. He left for another woman... I don't want him in my life at all and this baby would be far better without him. I intended to move back home, from the west coast to the east coast. He wouldn't find out.

I'm not just thinking about this for me. He would be a terrible father. He is totally absent from his other child's life. Is it ever ok to keep a pregnancy from the father?
Can you provide any examples that will back up this assertion?

When the child asks you who/where his father is.....How do you plan to answer? It's gonna come up. I was raised without my mother....I was warned, repeatedly, about her behavior....I didn't listen....found her myself. It really really sucked....

Just some things to consider....

Holes burn deep in your chest,
Raked by machine gun fire.
Screaming soul sent out to die,
Living mandatory suicide.
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