Relationships after Divorce w/Kids - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 03:20 PM Thread Starter
RLC
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Relationships after Divorce w/Kids

I'm completely jumping the gun, but I feel like I need some incite... I'm currently in limbo with my husband on whether or not we're going to work to stay together, or work to dissolve our marriage. We have two children (11-months and 11-years-old).

I am not one to like be alone when it comes to being in a relationship, and maybe that's me needing to find out how I can stand on my own two feet (which I am working on)...but I still have fears and questions...

1. Is there an appropriate time to start dating after separation/divorce?

2. What do men think about women who have been in a long-term relationship, are divorced (at a young age 30/31), and have two children? Are they at all interested?

3. Is it hard for ex's to stick to the plan of not introducing the kids into new relationships until it's right and discussed mutually?

TIA!

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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 03:25 PM
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Re: Relationships after Divorce w/Kids

1. It doesn't matter as long as you are honest with whomever you are dating.

2. Yeah, especially if they have children

3. It depends. It also depends on the kids. My kids are now going through their second divorce and they'd probably love to go with me on any date I have.
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 03:30 PM
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Re: Relationships after Divorce w/Kids

Perhaps you should focus on trying to fix the problems in your marriage before asking these questions? It sounds like you're already out the door.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-23-2017, 03:31 PM
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Re: Relationships after Divorce w/Kids

1. Yes, when you feel you are ready to date. A general ballpark is to take a year off dating after the divorce is finished so you can get to know yourself and don't fall into a codependent/rebound relationship. A more specific recommendation is wait until you are happy with yourself and aren't thinking about your XH anymore.

2. It's a very common situation. But the answer depends on the individual and what they are looking for.

3. You can't control your ex and what they do regarding introducing the kids to other people. It doesn't matter what they agree to.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 01:53 PM
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Re: Relationships after Divorce w/Kids

You have 7 posts and three threads going. Pick one thread and stick to it for the best advice.
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 12:21 PM
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Re: Relationships after Divorce w/Kids

Three threads with specific questions, posted in the appropriate respective forums... I fail to see a problem. If you want to creep on her other threads for the juicy background story, go for it. Her questions will get more attention from the target audience if they aren't buried on page 20 of one giant thread.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 04:54 PM
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Re: Relationships after Divorce w/Kids

1). Would be after the divorce is finalized
2) men, especially those who have kids themselves, don't mind dating women with kids...now supporting them is another matter but having kids is no issue at all at that age range
3). You can't control your ex. You can make any kind of agreement you like and they then can do what they want. Frustrating I know
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 10:19 AM
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Re: Relationships after Divorce w/Kids

Quote:
Originally Posted by RLC View Post
1. Is there an appropriate time to start dating after separation/divorce?

2. What do men think about women who have been in a long-term relationship, are divorced (at a young age 30/31), and have two children? Are they at all interested?

3. Is it hard for ex's to stick to the plan of not introducing the kids into new relationships until it's right and discussed mutually?
Most will say give it a year. There are some who say "follow the formula" something along the lines of wait one month for every year you were together. You can look it up. I think the formula is BS. I was dating before I even moved out, we weren't legally divorced until 3 years later, I had several girfriends already by that time.

A woman aged 30/31 divorced with young kids is not someone I'd be aggressively chasing after unless she was really hot and liked to do all the things I did. In other words, the kids would be a problem but I'd be willing to compromise if there were enough offsetting positives, kids aren't a dealbreaker. But I'm older and my kids are grown. A younger guy with kids might be just fine with it. But then you have all the issues with blended families that destroy the majority of subsequent marriages.

Most women I met who did have kids said they didn't want to introduce me to their kids until at least 6 months. They all failed miserably in that respect and I feel bad for the kids who saw me in and out of their lives for a brief blip.
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