The Singles of TAM 2.0 - Page 10 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #136 of 668 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 09:37 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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Yeah and I'll be jealous for the rest of my life... no chance! So I shall speak the truth

I did tell her I didn't want her to wear makeup all the time except for special occasions, I'd rather someone who isn't afraid to step out of the door everyday. Besides she's not the type of woman who needs it. I'm just jealous that she put in all that effort for others but hasn't done it for me.

Another example, ex-wife had anal sex before. I don't like anal sex, never even tried it once, but I would have been very jealous if she had it with another guy and never offered it to me. Ex-wife offered it, which I promptly replied NO THANKS! But it was the gesture that counts.
Have you tried being direct and unapologetic with her? There is absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting her to dress up occasionally and do her makeup FOR YOU. Just because she's used to being admired for her beauty doesn't mean that she shouldn't put in the extra effort for you. I've found that women are far more likely to do what I ask when I'm direct with them, take charge, and give positive reinforcement for those actions. Consider telling her that you are going to take her on a special date and she should wear a tight fitting dress that accentuates her boobs, high heals, and have her hair and makeup done. If she protests that you just want her because she's attractive, be direct and honest with her. Tell her, "of course I'm dating you because you're attractive! I only date attractive women." Then tell her that you are attracted to all parts of her...her heart, her brains, the feelings you have when you're together, and of course the beautiful packaging.

I get the feeling she was testing you to see how you'd react. By ceding to her you are showing that you aren't confident enough to tell her directly what it is that you want from her, since you both know you wanted her to wear makeup for you. It's almost like you're being a little dishonest and trying to hide who you are so that she'll like you and stay with you. My experience with women is that if you are direct they tend to find it comforting because they actually know the real you. Then they are far more likely to do what it is that you'd like.

BTW, I love your posts.

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post #137 of 668 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 09:49 AM Thread Starter
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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Have you tried being direct and unapologetic with her? There is absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting her to dress up occasionally and do her makeup FOR YOU. Just because she's used to being admired for her beauty doesn't mean that she shouldn't put in the extra effort for you. I've found that women are far more likely to do what I ask when I'm direct with them, take charge, and give positive reinforcement for those actions. Consider telling her that you are going to take her on a special date and she should wear a tight fitting dress that accentuates her boobs, high heals, and have her hair and makeup done. If she protests that you just want her because she's attractive, be direct and honest with her. Tell her, "of course I'm dating you because you're attractive! I only date attractive women." Then tell her that you are attracted to all parts of her...her heart, her brains, the feelings you have when you're together, and of course the beautiful packaging.

I get the feeling she was testing you to see how you'd react. By ceding to her you are showing that you aren't confident enough to tell her directly what it is that you want from her, since you both know you wanted her to wear makeup for you. It's almost like you're being a little dishonest and trying to hide who you are so that she'll like you and stay with you. My experience with women is that if you are direct they tend to find it comforting because they actually know the real you. Then they are far more likely to do what it is that you'd like.

BTW, I love your posts.
Good point. If she knows that it's something she can do to show she cares about you, I think she would be more likely to do it. Real Estate isn't always forthcoming about what I can do to show him that I care for him, and I have a d!ckens of a time trying to figure it out, but I'm getting better. So maybe you just need to do what @Bananapeel says. She can't do it for you if she doesn't know that you want it and what it will mean to you.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #138 of 668 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 09:52 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Haha, I had already made her agree to dress up for me on that same night (but she wont wear make up till our special occasion - Valentines day), but she was upset I pushed the issue hence once I had her commitment to make up for me I "soothed her" so no hard feelings I've always been honest with her, and I don't hide my desires. Still she wasn't very happy about it, that's why I'm a little annoyed she's still a tad pissy. She's ok in general just didn't get what she wanted from me.
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post #139 of 668 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 09:58 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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Don't feel about all the dudes you fvcked. Edison said it best, when asked about the 1000 times he failed to invent the light bulb, he said the light bulb was just a process that took a 1000 steps (paraphrasing). Some day, some where, some dude (and your self) are going to benefit from the experience of it all. Enjoy the ride (pun intended) and don't be too hard on yourself! Better to have lived and learned, than be limited by some religious dogma that says you shall not...
awww you are sweet. Thank you.

I am thinking about buying a mobile home! I live in an area where rent prices are absurdly high. My apartment complex is getting weird and the neighbors are always complaining about stuff. I am hardly ever there. This mobile home is cheap. I will have to pay land space and home association fees, but not still unsure.

Have any of you lived in a mobile home before?

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post #140 of 668 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 10:28 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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awww you are sweet. Thank you.



I am thinking about buying a mobile home! I live in an area where rent prices are absurdly high. My apartment complex is getting weird and the neighbors are always complaining about stuff. I am hardly ever there. This mobile home is cheap. I will have to pay land space and home association fees, but not still unsure.



Have any of you lived in a mobile home before?


Just remember that they depreciate in value like automobiles where as houses appreciate. If you can eventually buy a piece of land to move it to, then at least the land appreciates.


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post #141 of 668 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 10:30 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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Have any of you lived in a mobile home before?
Yes, well sorta...

... TADA!!!




Wanna buy? Cause I am going to be broke soon and may not be able to afford all the mooring/marina fees
Sailing it to the US won't be free though lol
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post #142 of 668 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 10:41 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

@ne9907 - I rented a mobile home for a few months while I was waiting for a house to be built. It was a dump and the neighbors were weird. It wasn't in the best area and there was higher crime there than I was comfortable with. One of my weird neighbors tried to lure me into joining their cult church, so at least I had some good stories to tell to my friends. I've had some friends in the higher end mobile home parks that had a much better experience. Those were safe and had some good parties. If you go this route, make sure the park is nice and clean with newer homes or you might regret your decision.

@FeministInPink - A lot of guys have a hard time communicating their desires to women, just like real estate is with you. I think it's societal pressure that has us conditioned to be "nice" instead of "direct" but it makes relationships harder since both people are guessing on how to properly express themselves to each other. I have a very direct personality and find it helps a lot with communication, but also like to please people and have to cognizantly fight my instincts on that at times.
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post #143 of 668 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 02:47 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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On the old thread, when a poster was dating someone, they would chose a notable characteristic and combine it with "hat" to give the person a moniker we would use on the thread. So, if I was dating a fireman, I might call him "Fireman-hat." Eventually, the -hat part of the naming convention fell out of use, and we just started making up names. So I call my guy Real Estate (he works in real estate), and I previously dated Fireman and J-Dawg, among others; @bklyn309 is/was dating Older Man, or OM for short, who is, well significantly older than bklyn (any update on that, bklyn?), and before that someone nicknamed Chemistry Man; @ne9907 dated a guy nicknamed Navy back in the day; an old poster who doesn't come around anymore was dating a woman he nicknamed Bleacher because she was a little OCD when it came to cleaning (she liked to bleach everything, but she sounded like a great gal otherwise); there was another poster (also long gone, sadly) who dated a woman he dubbed Guitar Girl because she would play her guitar at open mic nights and stuff (you guys remember @Healer? I miss his posts).

My dating update: OM is still in (and out) of the picture. He is trying really hard to address the issues I brought up. He went to an arcade with my son and I and bought the kids gifts from his recent trip. He is trying to engage them more. He really says he wants to work on this. I am still unsure. So I am seeing him as time allows.

Work is insanely busy so I dont have alot of free time. I signed up for a bible study group and tennis lessons so I think OM sees me filling up my already busy schedule.

Chemistry Man keeps contacting me. But I cannot go there again unless I want a purely sexual relationship. I also had a guy hit on me during Bible Study group. But I am trying to focus on my spiritual self there and not pick up men.
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post #144 of 668 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 05:20 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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@ne9907 - I rented a mobile home for a few months while I was waiting for a house to be built. It was a dump and the neighbors were weird. It wasn't in the best area and there was higher crime there than I was comfortable with. One of my weird neighbors tried to lure me into joining their cult church, so at least I had some good stories to tell to my friends. I've had some friends in the higher end mobile home parks that had a much better experience. Those were safe and had some good parties. If you go this route, make sure the park is nice and clean with newer homes or you might regret your decision.
I agree with @Bananapeel on this one. Some trailer parks are really trashy.

And the depreciation thing is also something to consider.

If you have to buy the land and pay the association fees... have you considered just buying some land, and building a small house? They actually sell "house kits" that you can assemble yourself (maybe with the help of a few friends), and the cost is comparable to a mobile home.

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@FeministInPink - A lot of guys have a hard time communicating their desires to women, just like real estate is with you. I think it's societal pressure that has us conditioned to be "nice" instead of "direct" but it makes relationships harder since both people are guessing on how to properly express themselves to each other. I have a very direct personality and find it helps a lot with communication, but also like to please people and have to cognizantly fight my instincts on that at times.
He's great at communicating in general. And he loves that I'm willing to talk about what I need or what maybe I'm not getting, if we have a disagreement, I want to talk about it and understand why we disagreed. He really likes that about me, and I like that I feel safe voicing opinions to him that he might not like, knowing that I won't endanger his affection for me by doing so.

So I'm not sure if he has a hard time communicating his needs, or if I'm already meeting them and he's happy? I'm pretty perceptive about what people need in that sense, so maybe it's the latter.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #145 of 668 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 06:17 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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I agree with @Bananapeel on this one. Some trailer parks are really trashy.

And the depreciation thing is also something to consider.

If you have to buy the land and pay the association fees... have you considered just buying some land, and building a small house? They actually sell "house kits" that you can assemble yourself (maybe with the help of a few friends), and the cost is comparable to a mobile home.



.
I might become trailer trash...~ I apologize if I offend anyone!

The only thing that kills me is the depreciation. Taking baby steps, last year I did not want to get rid of the loser ex boyfriend because I needed a plan B in case I lost my job. I do not want to go back to live with my mom.

Now, I want to buy a cheap place that way if I lose my job, I can get on unemployment while looking for another job and still have my own place. I am planning on buying this mobile home without a loan (cash?)

I do not understand why I always live in constant fear that I am going to lose my job and will have to move back to my mom's...... seriously guys... this thought is terrifying!!!


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post #146 of 668 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 06:21 PM
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The Singles of TAM 2.0

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I might become trailer trash...~ I apologize if I offend anyone!



The only thing that kills me is the depreciation. Taking baby steps, last year I did not want to get rid of the loser ex boyfriend because I needed a plan B in case I lost my job. I do not want to go back to live with my mom.



Now, I want to buy a cheap place that way if I lose my job, I can get on unemployment while looking for another job and still have my own place. I am planning on buying this mobile home without a loan (cash?)



I do not understand why I always live in constant fear that I am going to lose my job and will have to move back to my mom's...... seriously guys... this thought is terrifying!!!


Decide how much you have to invest, keep your credit clean. Buy a small house. Or a mobile home that is attached to its own land.

ETA: Interest rates are VERY low right now.


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post #147 of 668 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 06:25 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

One more thought and I'm off to bed. Buying is CHEAPER than renting right now. Credit/cash down is key. It's a buyers market. Poke around or hook up with someone who deals in foreclosures.


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post #148 of 668 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 06:57 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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awww you are sweet. Thank you.

I am thinking about buying a mobile home! I live in an area where rent prices are absurdly high. My apartment complex is getting weird and the neighbors are always complaining about stuff. I am hardly ever there. This mobile home is cheap. I will have to pay land space and home association fees, but not still unsure.

Have any of you lived in a mobile home before?
As a real estate appraiser with over 20 years experience I would recommend against a MH or a living in a MH park. Short term might be great but long term it would just be a waste of money. Besides the lot rent, utility costs would eat you up, those things are not very well insulated. I am not sure where Narnia is, but around here there are still decent neighborhoods that you can get into for the low $100k. A mortgage payment of $600 with taxes and insurance is more affordable than lot rent, trailer payment and utilities.
Plus the caliber of guys you would meet there probably wouldn't be the greatest. Watch Idiocracy and see what I mean Haha

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #149 of 668 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 03:39 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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As a real estate appraiser with over 20 years experience I would recommend against a MH or a living in a MH park. Short term might be great but long term it would just be a waste of money. Besides the lot rent, utility costs would eat you up, those things are not very well insulated. I am not sure where Narnia is, but around here there are still decent neighborhoods that you can get into for the low $100k. A mortgage payment of $600 with taxes and insurance is more affordable than lot rent, trailer payment and utilities.

Plus the caliber of guys you would meet there probably wouldn't be the greatest. Watch Idiocracy and see what I mean Haha


OTOH....you wouldn't have any problem scoring weed. lol


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post #150 of 668 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 06:17 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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OTOH....you wouldn't have any problem scoring weed. lol


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But... be worth smoking? Take the savings in living expenses and plan a trip to Colorado.

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