The Singles of TAM 2.0 - Page 13 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

User Tag List

 474Likes
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #181 of 385 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 01:57 PM
Member
 
ne9907's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Narnia
Posts: 3,035
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by FeministInPink View Post
Thank you. He did say to me on the phone last night that she's like his child. But even if he hadn't, I am well aware of the gravity of this situation. In my entire life, I have never seen another person as emotionally attached to a pet as Real Estate is to Flower. She is everything to him. He doesn't trust people enough to invest emotionally in them, so he diverts all his emotion into Flower. Which is problematic in its own way, and another discussion altogether. I'm worried that he will completely fall apart when she passes. His divorce was traumatic enough, and he's still not completely over that. I'm very worried what this will do to him.
Is real estate in counseling? Or has he ever attended counseling?


I say Left, but mean Purple
ne9907 is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #182 of 385 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 02:40 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
FeministInPink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 4,930
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by ne9907 View Post
Is real estate in counseling? Or has he ever attended counseling?
He has been previously, yes, but he's not currently. He did find it helpful before. I'm not sure if he did IC when his marriage broke up, or if it was something else.

He's not opposed to IC, but he's also not itching to go back, either. He can be very stubborn, and likes to think that he can do everything on his own.

I've mentioned it to him, that I think it might be good for him to go back, but I haven't pressed the issue. My arrival in his life really upset the apple cart (but in a positive way), and I see (positive) change happening in him in a number of ways. I don't want to push him too far, too fast.

But if I insisted, he would go. I know that much. I'll wait on insisting, until I feel it's really necessary.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
FeministInPink is online now  
post #183 of 385 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 02:43 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
FeministInPink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 4,930
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Good news, everyone. I heard from Real Estate, and Flower is out of surgery and doing well. They will be keeping her overnight, and he can pick her up tomorrow.

He said he is doing much better now that the surgery is over and she's in the clear.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
FeministInPink is online now  
 
post #184 of 385 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 07:08 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Haiku's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 3,321
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

I appreciate the link to here. Thoughtful. Thanks much FIP.

.........><)))#">
Haiku is offline  
post #185 of 385 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 08:58 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
FeministInPink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 4,930
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by Haiku View Post
I appreciate the link to here. Thoughtful. Thanks much FIP.
You're welcome, @Haiku !

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
FeministInPink is online now  
post #186 of 385 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 10:41 PM
Member
 
RandomDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 10,949
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by FeministInPink View Post
Good news, everyone. I heard from Real Estate, and Flower is out of surgery and doing well. They will be keeping her overnight, and he can pick her up tomorrow.

He said he is doing much better now that the surgery is over and she's in the clear.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Jump for joy!

RandomDude is online now  
post #187 of 385 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 11:45 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Hope Shimmers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: US
Posts: 456
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

I have no advice for anyone.

Every time I think there is some little thing that I can grasp onto, that will make my relationship with my ex-bf work, I see some kind of light at the end of the tunnel. I try to make that into something. But he just ignores me. He ignores me.

I can't be ignored anymore. I can't be nothing anymore.

I'm out.

Don't let people become a priority in your life when you're just an option in theirs.
Hope Shimmers is offline  
post #188 of 385 (permalink) Old 02-07-2017, 11:54 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
FeministInPink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 4,930
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope Shimmers View Post
I have no advice for anyone.

Every time I think there is some little thing that I can grasp onto, that will make my relationship with my ex-bf work, I see some kind of light at the end of the tunnel. I try to make that into something. But he just ignores me. He ignores me.

I can't be ignored anymore. I can't be nothing anymore.

I'm out.
Go. You. !!!

Seriously. And you don't have to offer advice. It's not requisite for being a member of our club

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
FeministInPink is online now  
post #189 of 385 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 10:28 AM
Member
 
ne9907's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Narnia
Posts: 3,035
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope Shimmers View Post
I have no advice for anyone.

Every time I think there is some little thing that I can grasp onto, that will make my relationship with my ex-bf work, I see some kind of light at the end of the tunnel. I try to make that into something. But he just ignores me. He ignores me.

I can't be ignored anymore. I can't be nothing anymore.

I'm out.
Like FiP said, you don't need to offer advice.... Just come in here and say whatever is in your mind


For example.... my loser friend.... every time we are together, I feel as if I am high on drugs ( I am not). My inner voice tells me how he isn't the right type of man for me, but I also shut my inner voice saying "just be happy!"

Is this the feeling of love? I have come to accept the way he is and I no longer care.

I say Left, but mean Purple

Last edited by ne9907; 02-08-2017 at 12:11 PM.
ne9907 is online now  
post #190 of 385 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 01:25 PM
Member
 
RandomDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 10,949
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

I hardly ever offer advice on this thread, most of the time it's BAH this, BEH that, and GRRRR, and YADA YADA YADDA... and /end vent.

Though lately I've run out of things to vent about, relationship-wise that is, probably because I'm enjoying my time with my cuddle-bunny! We're going on vacation in... 1 hour!

RandomDude is online now  
post #191 of 385 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 03:16 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
FeministInPink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 4,930
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by RandomDude View Post
I hardly ever offer advice on this thread, most of the time it's BAH this, BEH that, and GRRRR, and YADA YADA YADDA... and /end vent.

Though lately I've run out of things to vent about, relationship-wise that is, probably because I'm enjoying my time with my cuddle-bunny! We're going on vacation in... 1 hour!
You do seem quite happy with her

Have fun!!!

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
FeministInPink is online now  
post #192 of 385 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 07:47 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
FeministInPink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 4,930
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ynot View Post
And don't be surprised if RE goes underground and disappears for a few days after the fact in order to digest everything that happened
You called it, @Ynot. He hasn't totally gone underground, as we just spent an hour on the phone. He's worried about Flower--she hasn't really been eating. He called the vet, and the vet didn't seem worried, just said, "Make sure she's getting enough water and she's at least getting her pain meds." My guess is it's a combo of the pain and residual swelling from the surgery (both times I've had surgery, I didn't eat anything for 2-3 days after, except when I was able to force down a smoothie), but Real Estate is worried. Plus, he's dealing with a huge clusterfvck at work... another agent at the brokerage retired, and he inherited her rental accounts. There's only 4 accounts, but there isn't any paperwork anywhere in her office for any of the 4--no leases, no management agreements, he doesn't even have account numbers to deposit the rent checks. He spent the entire day going through ALL the retired agent's files trying to find this stuff, and it's nowhere, which presents a HUGE problem. He's supposed to be going to Africa a week from tomorrow, so he needs to get all this stuff figured out quick, oh, and he's supposed to take Flowers to get her stitches out in two weeks, but... he will be in Africa. And he has a new tenant moving into one of his units like 2 days after he gets back, so he has to get all that sorted out before he goes. And he really doesn't want to go to Africa, he's only going because it's his friend's wedding--travel stresses him out. He's just super, super stressed out. And telling me about everything on one hand allowed him to vent, but it also stressed him out more because he was thinking about everything.

And he was like, "Maybe you shouldn't come over this weekend... but I'll be gone the next two weekends... but I don't want to lose my sh!t this weekend and take it out on you." It's all too much, all together at the same time. And he already feels bad, because we were supposed to have lunch together yesterday (I was working from home), and he forgot because he was dealing with all this other sh!t. So I said, "Of course I want to come over and I want to see you, but I don't want to add to your stress. Let's just play it by ear and see how you feel tomorrow. I have some work to do this weekend, so either I do it at home, or I bring my laptop to your place, both are fine by me. If you are starting to feel overwhelmed, you let me know, and I can leave for a couple hours, or whatever you need. We'll figure it out."

And I also know that he's worried about his temper with me being there. When he gets stressed or upset, he will lash out. He knows he does it, he knows it isn't healthy, but it's a bad behavior that he learned from his FOO, and it happens before he can stop it from coming out... and he knows it affects me, and that I don't like it. So that's another stressor for him--he's worried that he will get overwhelmed and take it out on me--and he doesn't want to do that. It's the last thing he wants to do.

Obviously, the timing is bad--but that's why he's stressed about it. If I don't get to see him this weekend, I hope at least we'll get to spend some time together before he leaves next Friday. But if we don't... it's not intentional, it's not about me, it's not a problem with us.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
FeministInPink is online now  
post #193 of 385 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 09:35 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,869
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

FIP, honestly if I were you I would back way off. Don't even suggest going there or him coming there. Give him as much space as he needs. He will either see he misses you and make a move himself or he won't. But either way you leave it up to him. Plus, in doing so you will exercise more control over yourself and not place your self in a position of walking on egg shells. Just tell him, you understand and if he would like to see you great.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
Ynot is offline  
post #194 of 385 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 10:10 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
FeministInPink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 4,930
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

That's pretty much what I'm already doing!

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
FeministInPink is online now  
post #195 of 385 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 08:49 AM
Forum Supporter
 
3Xnocharm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 5,769
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

FIP, you are a great girlfriend. You realize this isnt an issue with you or your relationship, and you respect his feelings. Well done!

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
3Xnocharm is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Tags
coolest people of tam, dating, single life

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
TAM Chat Thread EllisRedding The Social Spot 909 12-04-2016 05:49 PM
Does TAM sometimes get it wrong? Begin again General Relationship Discussion 54 09-07-2016 07:11 PM
TAM causing problems in my marriage Mulligan General Relationship Discussion 45 12-11-2015 01:35 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome