The Singles of TAM 2.0 - Page 25 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #361 of 659 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 10:57 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

I'm still in the process of delegation but it's quietening down now off peak so I can focus on my studies. Already costing me alot more since I used to do everything myself for example now I have to hire HR for 80K to do 25% of my job, another 80K to do 45% (account management), and another 120K to do the other 30% (general management) - in addition to the department heads in operations I've already hired. I may still sell, depending on the circumstances. I still have my safety rope around me in cause all goes to hell, but I'd rather not sell or pull out of my studies unless I really need to.

The main thing I'm worried about is mutiny because if new management starts doing silly like labor cost cuts there goes the priviledges the team has enjoyed for years. Then I'll probably sell before I see my own business burn down around me. My team aren't exactly happy I'm leaving, but... I can't live for them anymore, have to live for myself!

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post #362 of 659 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 09:00 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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My son is home from college for a couple of days. I had debated whether to tell him about this guy I've been seeing, and how to do that. My son was telling me today that some of his girlfriend's extended family members were a little put out that she hadn't told them that she has a boyfriend. That led to a conversation about the fact that on both sides, they have told their parents and siblings, and they are really the ones who matter.

So... I told him later that after that, I felt I needed to tell him that I'm seeing someone.

His response?

"Cool."

Ha! And I was so worried.

He didn't ask questions, though... so he still doesn't know how old said boyfriend is, but I'm just gonna take one thing at a time here.
I think our kids are sometimes smarter than we are. All they really want is for us to be happy. We tend to get fixated on upsetting them with our life's problems. The reality is they would rather see us happy and deal with whatever changes we make rather than be miserable and stuck.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #363 of 659 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 08:47 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

It's been an emotional few days... my son was home, which was planned, but there was also a death in my ex's family. Along with some things my son has been going through, it resulted in a great deal of time spent talking the past few days. Talking about things in both our lives.

The visitation was also the first time I have seen most of my ex's family since we split. I was very nervous, but I think I handled things well. Everyone was so kind and loving, and I think really very glad that I came. But it was hard. My son and I left together and had some time in the car after, and he proved once again how insightful he really is. I'm a really lucky girl.

On a lighter/dating note, I did ask him how he feels about age differences in relationships. Even if things don't work out with the guy I am seeing, I have a tendency to date younger men, so I figured I might as well tell him that and put it out there as a general topic. He said he doesn't think it's a big deal at all... unless I am dating someone very close to his age. He thinks anyone young enough to be my son may cross the line - lol. He didn't have a problem at all with a 30 year old.

And on a final note, said 30 year old came over last night to help me decompress. It was a very hard few days... emotional for so many reasons. He was pretty amazing. He's never really asked questions about my divorce, and told me last night he simply didn't want to pry and figured I would tell him when I was ready. So last night, I told him. I felt he should have a little background about why going to the visitation would be hard, but also why I knew I could walk in with my head high. So we talked, I shared details, and I cried. And he just listened and held me. As the night went on, we had a great time continuing to talk and share and just enjoyed each other.

And we determined that while it's been unsaid until now, we can probably start using the boyfriend/girlfriend terminology. So that happened. And I am so grateful to have had someone to turn to after everything that happened this weekend.
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post #364 of 659 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 12:01 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

@TooNice Sorry to hear that you were dealing with all that! I'm sure your XH's family appreciated that you came to the visitation/service--most people would have stayed away, or dropped off/picked up their child (assuming the other parent would be present), or insisted that the child go with the other parent--so I'm thinking that it may have been a pleasant surprise.

About a year after my divorce, one of my XH's cousins passed away. I was particularly saddened, because she and I clicked as soon as we met, and had developed a relationship between us that was separate from her relationship with my XH. They really weren't close, as there was a 15-yr age gap between the two of them--which is funny, because that means there was a 20+ yr age gap between her and myself. And she was the only person in his family who stayed in touch with me when he and I split up, and she was incredibly supportive and loving during that time. I would have loved to pay my respects, but aside from the fact that the service was in Florida and would have been a huge financial burden at the time, I also knew that I would be very unwelcome at the service. I had learned (through her, actually) that my XH had been telling his mother all kinds of lies about me, making himself out to be the victim (and me this horrible, horrible witch), stories which had spread like wildfire through his family (my X-MIL was one of six sisters, and they TALK).

And I'm really just saying this to tell you I know how hard that must have been, and I think you're a brave and good person for going. And I'm sure that it meant a lot to your XH's family.

*hugs*

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #365 of 659 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 12:09 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Thank you, @FeministInPink. That means a lot. I have stayed in touch with a couple of people, so I knew I would be welcome. (My SIL actually texted me to let me know about the death a good 3-4 hours before my ex told me.)

I did start another thread about it, if anyone is interested. I have been anticipating this event pretty much since my ex and I split. It was inevitable - just a matter of how long it would be before it happened. Life events in your ex's family (but still yours, too...)
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post #366 of 659 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 04:05 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

OK, be prepared for sweetness overload...

Last night, I was stepping out to go to the grocery store and to the mall to get a new pair of slacks for work. It was a little before 8 pm, and I hadn't eaten dinner, since I was planning on getting something from the grocery store. I walk outside, and realize that I have locked myself out of the house. I call my one roommate, and she's staying over at her girlfriend's place in the city and won't be back until morning. My other roommate is at martial arts, so I know he won't be back until about 10:40 or so.

We HAD a lockbox with a spare key in it on the door, for which I had the combination and could have easily let myself back in. But... the property management company did an inspection this past Friday (happens every 6 mos), and they removed the lock box for some reason... even though it's been there ever since I moved in, and no other inspector ever removed it.

So, I'm outside, and I'm bored, because what am I going to do for the next few hours? I have my phone and my wallet, so I'm not totally screwed. So I call Real Estate, and I told him what happened, and we're chatting. I ask him if he's eaten dinner, but he's already eaten. Besides, there are a ton of restaurants nearby I can walk to. So he says, "You're really bored, aren't you?"

And I say, "Well, I have my phone to entertain me, and I'm thinking I'll go somewhere nearby and get some food."

And he says, "But it would be better with company, right?" And at that moment, I see his car pull into my driveway, and he tells me to come get in the car so he can take me to get some dinner. I get in the car, and he's like, "I couldn't just leave you out in the cold (it wasn't that cold) and bored, waiting for your roommate to come home. I'm like a knight, I had to come to your rescue. But I'm not a knight in shining armor. I'm like a cross between a knight and pervert." And he took me to get some food, and hung out with me while I ate dinner, and then we went back to his place and watched YouTube videos until my roommate came home.

It was just really sweet that he came to get me. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, but it's nice when someone cares enough that you don't have to go it alone.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #367 of 659 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 05:00 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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OK, be prepared for sweetness overload...



Last night, I was stepping out to go to the grocery store and to the mall to get a new pair of slacks for work. It was a little before 8 pm, and I hadn't eaten dinner, since I was planning on getting something from the grocery store. I walk outside, and realize that I have locked myself out of the house. I call my one roommate, and she's staying over at her girlfriend's place in the city and won't be back until morning. My other roommate is at martial arts, so I know he won't be back until about 10:40 or so.



We HAD a lockbox with a spare key in it on the door, for which I had the combination and could have easily let myself back in. But... the property management company did an inspection this past Friday (happens every 6 mos), and they removed the lock box for some reason... even though it's been there ever since I moved in, and no other inspector ever removed it.



So, I'm outside, and I'm bored, because what am I going to do for the next few hours? I have my phone and my wallet, so I'm not totally screwed. So I call Real Estate, and I told him what happened, and we're chatting. I ask him if he's eaten dinner, but he's already eaten. Besides, there are a ton of restaurants nearby I can walk to. So he says, "You're really bored, aren't you?"



And I say, "Well, I have my phone to entertain me, and I'm thinking I'll go somewhere nearby and get some food."



And he says, "But it would be better with company, right?" And at that moment, I see his car pull into my driveway, and he tells me to come get in the car so he can take me to get some dinner. I get in the car, and he's like, "I couldn't just leave you out in the cold (it wasn't that cold) and bored, waiting for your roommate to come home. I'm like a knight, I had to come to your rescue. But I'm not a knight in shining armor. I'm like a cross between a knight and pervert." And he took me to get some food, and hung out with me while I ate dinner, and then we went back to his place and watched YouTube videos until my roommate came home.



It was just really sweet that he came to get me. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, but it's nice when someone cares enough that you don't have to go it alone.


Very nice FIP.

And, FWIW... @Bananapeel

Probably the last thing you should tell someone when they're REALLY down is "quit feeling sorry for yourself and...etc".

Sometimes it's nice to know that someone is just there for you. That's all I wish I had on my birthday evening.

Insert "you asshat" here.


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post #368 of 659 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 05:16 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

You didn't like my motivational spiel?! I guess I answered your post with the stereotypical male (problem solver) approach rather than the stereotypical female (empathetic) approach. I'm much better at dealing with that discrepancy in person because I need to read the non-verbal cues to know which way to respond. Anyway, happy B-day and I wish you the best for the upcoming year!
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post #369 of 659 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 05:28 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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You didn't like my motivational spiel?! I guess I answered your post with the stereotypical male (problem solver) approach rather than the stereotypical female (empathetic) approach. I'm much better at dealing with that discrepancy in person because I need to read the non-verbal cues to know which way to respond. Anyway, happy B-day and I wish you the best for the upcoming year!



Thank you )


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post #370 of 659 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 05:30 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Oh...and to make the stereo typical male feel better… "Good boy!"

haahaaa


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post #371 of 659 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 05:33 PM
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The Singles of TAM 2.0

*pats @Bananapeel on the head. *




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post #372 of 659 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 10:45 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Cuddlebunny is getting chubby

Hmmm...
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post #373 of 659 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 11:01 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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Cuddlebunny is getting chubby



Hmmm...


Rug roh...trouble in paradise?


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post #374 of 659 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 11:14 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Not really, unless she gets even bigger, I value the health of my pelvic bone after all
Still, I wonder how to encourage her to diet/hit the gym again

She likes sweet I like savoury! >.<
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post #375 of 659 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 11:53 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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Not really, unless she gets even bigger, I value the health of my pelvic bone after all

Still, I wonder how to encourage her to diet/hit the gym again



She likes sweet I like savoury! >.<


Hmm. Dunno. I think the old saying is "fat & happy". I think some weight gain is a given in a contented situation. I've lost 2 dress sizes on the "divorce diet". See what I mean?

Try to plan things that keep you moving. Ever heard of geocaching? Google it. It's easy to overindulge when you're in a harmonious state. Try to eat healthy and stay active.

That's all I have. Give it a little time. See what happens.


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