The Singles of TAM 2.0 - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

User Tag List

 530Likes
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #31 of 455 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 11:26 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1,456
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elizabeth001 View Post
Because everything is still in one pot. His paycheck, my paycheck. Mortgage comes out of account.

Once you sit down with a mutual agreement in front of a notary, which he did and gladly, and sign whatever agreement, it is what it is until the terms are met and the hammer falls.
People get divorced all the time with a house sale pending.

The whole "it is what it is" argument isn't worth the paper it isn't printed on. It's a defeatest victim attitude that says you're stuck with the mistakes you made in the past because there's no way to fix them.

You didn't expect the house to take so long to sell. I get it. Now it's taking a long time to sell. You go back and revise the divorce agreement and each of you takes responsibility to pay your share out of your own individual, separate accounts. You decide who is responsible for maintenance costs or how those costs will be divided, and you determine if either of you will live there or if the house could be rented.

Or not.

browser is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #32 of 455 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 11:32 AM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 567
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by browser View Post
I'm not understanding your explanation/justification for not getting divorced until the house is sold.

People get divorced all the time with a house sale pending.

You sign an agreement that each of you is responsible for whatever share of the mortgage and maintenance is each parties responsibility, one or neither party continues to live in the home until it's sold, you get divorced and move on with your lives dealing with the home as necessary until it's no longer your concern.

The whole "it is what it is" argument isn't worth the paper it isn't printed on. It's a defeatest victim attitude that says you're stuck with the mistakes you made in the past because there's no way to fix them.

You didn't expect the house to take so long to sell. I get it. Now it's taking a long time to sell. You go back and revise the divorce agreement and each of you takes responsibility to pay your share out of your own individual, separate accounts.

Or not.


OR... we wait until taxes are filed and if the outcome is good, slam the price down 10k and get out of this mess.

Look... I understand what you are saying but the whole point is that each circumstance is different. Now I could spend moments of my life explaining why we did what we did, but you're just going to have to believe me when I say that all avenues were examined. Life is not just a field of daisies my friend and I am far from ignorant when it comes to finance and real estate.

On the up side, we have a showing today and tomorrow. I'm hopeful. But will I put my life on hold until then. Uhhh...hell no. Life is too short.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Elizabeth001 is offline  
post #33 of 455 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 11:38 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1,456
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elizabeth001 View Post
OR... we wait until taxes are filed and if the outcome is good, slam the price down 10k and get out of this mess.

Look... I understand what you are saying but the whole point is that each circumstance is different. Now I could spend moments of my life explaining why we did what we did, but you're just going to have to believe me when I say that all avenues were examined. Life is not just a field of daisies my friend and I am far from ignorant when it comes to finance and real estate.

On the up side, we have a showing today and tomorrow. I'm hopeful. But will I put my life on hold until then. Uhhh...hell no. Life is too short.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Dropping the price 10k doesn't guarantee a quick sale. If the house has sat on the market for years, and you haven't gotten an offer $10k under the asking price then dropping it $10k won't do anything, and I'd think you'd know that if you are up to speed on finances and real estate.

I too am well versed on divorce, economics, finance, house buying and selling, and I can think of no circumstances why a divorce must be contingent on the sale of the marital residence.

None.



None.
browser is offline  
 
post #34 of 455 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 11:39 AM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 567
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Perhaps you will feel better if I explain that he was 20k in debt when we met. Of which I helped him out of. I spent the remainder of the money from the sale of my previous home to buy the very nice home that he now enjoys while I live in a 400 sq ft apartment. We bought just before the market crashed. The house is now listed over 30k less than we paid, not to mention the thousands that we put in. How much would you prefer that we come down? lol

I'm not chasing his retirement or 401k, money from his extremely wealthy family, etc. All I want is what I came with. Which is where we are when and if the home sells.

There...feel better? Jezus.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Elizabeth001 is offline  
post #35 of 455 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 11:56 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,558
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elizabeth001 View Post
2 people, all of your closest friends and family, someone deemed legal to marry you, the court....hmmm...who am I leaving out? Oh yeah... the divorce attorneys. lol

Love just seems a little more simple to me than that


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
The people are there merely to witness what the two of you are doing.The promises you are making and the covenant you are entering into. Love to me isnt true love without commitment.I wouldn't be interested in a man who expected to have sex and live together without his commitment.
Diana7 is offline  
post #36 of 455 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 11:58 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,558
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elizabeth001 View Post
Perhaps you will feel better if I explain that he was 20k in debt when we met. Of which I helped him out of. I spent the remainder of the money from the sale of my previous home to buy the very nice home that he now enjoys while I live in a 400 sq ft apartment. We bought just before the market crashed. The house is now listed over 30k less than we paid, not to mention the thousands that we put in. How much would you prefer that we come down? lol

I'm not chasing his retirement or 401k, money from his extremely wealthy family, etc. All I want is what I came with. Which is where we are when and if the home sells.

There...feel better? Jezus.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
It depends on how long you want to wait to sell it. If you dont sell it then you will get nothing.
Diana7 is offline  
post #37 of 455 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 12:00 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1,456
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elizabeth001 View Post
Perhaps you will feel better if I explain that he was 20k in debt when we met. Of which I helped him out of. I spent the remainder of the money from the sale of my previous home to buy the very nice home that he now enjoys while I live in a 400 sq ft apartment. We bought just before the market crashed. The house is now listed over 30k less than we paid, not to mention the thousands that we put in. How much would you prefer that we come down? lol

I'm not chasing his retirement or 401k, money from his extremely wealthy family, etc. All I want is what I came with. Which is where we are when and if the home sells.
@Elizabeth001

I'm sorry you met him while he was in debt and you spent all that money and he's living in the nice house while you're in a 400 square foot apartment. I'm not even going to ask how that happened nor will I ask why you won't try to reclaim some of your financial losses from his 401k, but I will maintain that nothing you wrote supports your statement that the divorce needs to wait until the house is sold.

I'll also suggest that since he's living in the home it's quite possible and even likely that he's doing things to discourage the sale of the home, for good reason. This is why people ask the courts to force the sale of a home, and why it was not a good idea to allow him to remain in the home until it was sold.

There were obvious mistakes made here, and I maintain that just because there were bad decisions it doesn't mean you need to just sit there and accept there's nothing you can do about it.
browser is offline  
post #38 of 455 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 12:01 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,558
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by browser View Post
Dropping the price 10k doesn't guarantee a quick sale. If the house has sat on the market for years, and you haven't gotten an offer $10k under the asking price then dropping it $10k won't do anything, and I'd think you'd know that if you are up to speed on finances and real estate.

I too am well versed on divorce, economics, finance, house buying and selling, and I can think of no circumstances why a divorce must be contingent on the sale of the marital residence.

None.



None.
In the UK you can get the divorce done as long as you have agreed on the children and who gets what of the assets. I was divorced months before the rest was finalised. It was never dependant on the house.
Diana7 is offline  
post #39 of 455 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 12:01 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1,456
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
In the UK you can get the divorce done as long as you have agreed on the children and who gets what of the assets. I was divorced months before the rest was finalised. It was never dependant on the house.
It's like that everywhere.
browser is offline  
post #40 of 455 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 12:03 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,558
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by browser View Post
@Elizabeth001

I'm sorry you met him while he was in debt and you spent all that money and he's living in the nice house while you're in a 400 square foot apartment. I'm not even going to ask how that happened nor will I ask why you won't try to reclaim some of your financial losses from his 401k, but I will maintain that nothing you wrote supports your statement that the divorce needs to wait until the house is sold.

I'll also suggest that since he's living in the home it's quite possible and even likely that he's doing things to discourage the sale of the home, for good reason. This is why people ask the courts to force the sale of a home, and why it was not a good idea to allow him to remain in the home until it was sold.

There were obvious mistakes made here, and I maintain that just because there were bad decisions it doesn't mean you need to just sit there and accept there's nothing you can do about it.
That did occur to me, he has no reason to want to sell the home he is living in, so he may not be presenting it in a good light. There are many things you can do to make a home more salable.

Diana7 is offline  
post #41 of 455 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 12:19 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1,456
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
That did occur to me, he has no reason to want to sell the home he is living in, so he may not be presenting it in a good light. There are many things you can do to make a home more salable.
- smoking in the house
- leaving it a mess
- hanging around and being annoying during the showings
- making it difficult for brokers to schedule showings
- not cleaning up after pets
- not keeping up the landscaping and other maintenance

The list is almost endless.

I wonder how many of these things he does and I wonder if @Elizabeth001 has access to the house to see for herself or if she's getting any feedback from the broker indicating such?
browser is offline  
post #42 of 455 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 03:22 PM
Member
 
Red Sonja's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 709
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Why is @Elizabeth001 getting badgered for the decisions involved in her divorce, dating and possibility of remarriage?

These are her choices to make, period. Please knock off the thread-jack.
Red Sonja is online now  
post #43 of 455 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 03:49 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 567
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Sonja View Post
Why is @Elizabeth001 getting badgered for the decisions involved in her divorce, dating and possibility of remarriage?



These are her choices to make, period. Please knock off the thread-jack.


Thank you!




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Elizabeth001 is offline  
post #44 of 455 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 08:14 PM
Member
 
Red Sonja's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 709
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elizabeth001 View Post
Thank you!
No problem, it was getting tedious. This is usually a fairly upbeat thread.
Red Sonja is online now  
post #45 of 455 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 08:32 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
FeministInPink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 5,032
Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Sonja View Post
Why is @Elizabeth001 getting badgered for the decisions involved in her divorce, dating and possibility of remarriage?

These are her choices to make, period. Please knock off the thread-jack.
YES! This thread is to talk about dating and the single life, along with friendly and fun banter. Keep it positive and fun, please.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
FeministInPink is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Tags
coolest people of tam, dating, single life

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
TAM Chat Thread EllisRedding The Social Spot 944 04-24-2017 07:10 PM
Does TAM sometimes get it wrong? Begin again General Relationship Discussion 54 09-07-2016 07:11 PM
TAM causing problems in my marriage Mulligan General Relationship Discussion 45 12-11-2015 01:35 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome