The Singles of TAM 2.0 - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #46 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 10:25 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

/wave

Nice to see a new thread!

@RandomDude welcome to my world!!!! I WILL BE 40 this year, metabolism is betraying me... always has anyway


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post #47 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 03:05 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

I just hope my fat goes to everywhere else but my belly, and so far it seems to be mostly proportionate, but... *feels tummy* I have layers of flab now when I lean over
Also grew my hair longer as to cover up my receding hair line, people think I'm 20! It's awesome!

And I have a HOT loving babe for a girlfriend, who I somehow still, can not find it within me to fall in love with... yet, but overall, life is good
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post #48 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 04:15 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

I had a great talk last night with the man I am seeing. I have been sort of wondering what is behind his some pretty great self-control when we are together. He admitted to me that he feels like having sex can make a relationship messy. He's enjoying us right now, just the way we are, and is hesitant to rush into that next step. I love that he told me that, and told him I am completely fine with waiting until it feels right for us. I think he was very relieved to find out that I actually agree with him. We have plenty of time, and we really like spending time together. We don't have to rush things.

We talked more about our age gap, as well. Neither of us really feels it's an issue, so I suppose I really don't care what anyone else may think. (With a few exceptions.) It was a fantastic night and conversation, and I am just so happy to be a stage where I am allowing myself to just let this play out - wherever it may lead.

Last edited by TooNice; 01-30-2017 at 12:53 PM.
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post #49 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 02:16 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Hey FIP thanks for leading us here.

It's been a busy month. Ex-boyfriend had been telling me for months to move on and find someone else, but it seems he didn't like it when I did. I tried again to reach out to him to see if this could be fixed. He said he needed time to process that I was with another man. Well, I ended up with a detached retina 24 hours later so I sent him an email saying I was going into surgery.... and crickets. Silence. No comment. Until he exploded at me for contacting him when "he" needed his time to get over me being with someone else and to decide if I was 'good enough' for him.

I still can't believe he didn't bother to even ask how I was. Nothing. Just All. About. Him.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

He doesn't care about me. Hasn't in a long time. Actions speak. No man that cares, acts like that. It's humiliating, but it's enlightening. Uggh. Not that much of 2017 wasted on such a man.

I just think he has read so much on these forums that he is looking for me to be a cheater. I am NOT a cheater!!! He is making it so hard to measure up. He is making it SO hard to work through anything that isn't perfect to him. Apparently he thinks there are so many women out there better than me, I don't even know how, but better than me. I don't think he sees reality of what things are.

I hope everyone is doing better. Going to go back and re-read the posts in this thread.

Don't let people become a priority in your life when you're just an option in theirs.

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post #50 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 09:05 AM Thread Starter
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

@Hope Shimmers Block your ex-boyfriend on your phone, and all other forms of social media. He doesn't want you, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you, either. Such juvenile behavior!

And he needs to figure out if YOU are "good enough" for HIM? Forget that! You should never have to feel like you have to measure up to someone else's expectations, especially not with a [potential] partner. We are all imperfect people, but a good partner will love you, flaws and all. A good partner will still think you're amazing, even with your flaws.

Don't settle for less. Kick this loser ex-boyfriend out of your life for good. It's just tormenting you, to no good end.

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~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~

Last edited by FeministInPink; 02-15-2017 at 03:58 PM.
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post #51 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 09:07 AM Thread Starter
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

@TooNice I'm glad that you and your young buck have had a meeting of the minds, and are seeing things eye to eye. I hope it continues to go well.

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post #52 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 12:16 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope Shimmers View Post
Hey FIP thanks for leading us here.

It's been a busy month. Ex-boyfriend had been telling me for months to move on and find someone else, but it seems he didn't like it when I did. I tried again to reach out to him to see if this could be fixed. He said he needed time to process that I was with another man. Well, I ended up with a detached retina 24 hours later so I sent him an email saying I was going into surgery.... and crickets. Silence. No comment. Until he exploded at me for contacting him when "he" needed his time to get over me being with someone else and to decide if I was 'good enough' for him.

I still can't believe he didn't bother to even ask how I was. Nothing. Just All. About. Him.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

He doesn't care about me. Hasn't in a long time. Actions speak. No man that cares, acts like that. It's humiliating, but it's enlightening. Uggh. Not that much of 2017 wasted on such a man.

I just think he has read so much on these forums that he is looking for me to be a cheater. I am NOT a cheater!!! He is making it so hard to measure up. He is making it SO hard to work through anything that isn't perfect to him. Apparently he thinks there are so many women out there better than me, I don't even know how, but better than me. I don't think he sees reality of what things are.

I hope everyone is doing better. Going to go back and re-read the posts in this thread.
Hope, you seriously need to stop beating this horrible, dead horse. You found someone who treats you like a human, for the love of God, STOP REACHING OUT TO THAT PIECE OF SH!T.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
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post #53 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 12:55 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

@Hope Shimmers - NOTHING about what you have said about this man is worth your time. Block him and walk away.

You deserve better.
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post #54 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 01:05 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

So, even though Real Estate and I had that little talk, it's going to be hard to stick with it... this past weekend, we were supposed to go to the Auto Show on Sunday, but we postponed that a week because I broke my toe this past Friday morning and was trying to stay off of it. So I was with him Friday evening, stayed over, most of the day Saturday (less 3 hrs in the afternoon when I went to my writers group), Saturday evening, stayed over, and then most of the day Sunday. Around 10 am on Sunday, he was like, "So, what time should you leave today, to get your stuff done?" And I said I was thinking 6 pm. So, we were doing stuff, and it got to be around 5 pm, and he's like, "Do you really have to leave at 6? Maybe you could stay a little longer."

It's so sweet. He doesn't want me to leave. That's why it's so hard to make myself go home!!! I adore this guy so, so much

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #55 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 01:35 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Thanks. You guys are great (and right). It just hurts to have to accept that the person you thought you loved, really doesn't give one sh*t about you.

@FeministInPink - I'm so happy for you! Jealous too. It's so great to know that there are relationships out there like that. The sky is the limit!

@TooNice - thank you! I need to go back through your posts because I can't remember how much younger he is than you. As long as you are at the same place in life, age doesn't matter.

@3Xnocharm - Love how you never mince words. LOL Thank you

@ne9907 - 40 is young! What I wouldn't give to be 40 again....


Don't let people become a priority in your life when you're just an option in theirs.

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post #56 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 01:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

@Hope Shimmers I had to kiss a lot of frogs to find him. And I've had to be VERY patient. He has a lot of baggage that would have had a lot of women calling it quits, and I almost did a few times... but I stuck it out because something was telling me that he was worth it. He was trying to keep me at arm's length for a long time, because he was scared; he needed to see that I was willing to stick it out, for him to trust me enough to start letting me in. So it's been slow going, but it HAS been worth it. For someone who has a tendency to jump in head-first, it's been good for me, too.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #57 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 01:58 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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@TooNice - thank you! I need to go back through your posts because I can't remember how much younger he is than you. As long as you are at the same place in life, age doesn't matter.

He's 30, and I am 45. But he's a bit of an old soul, and I often get looks of shock when I tell people I have a kiddo in college, so I figure we balance out pretty well.
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post #58 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 03:02 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

FIP, thanks for the mention. I stopped following the old thread as well because there was too much going on. I wouldn't have found this one if you hadn't mentioned me. (Plus a month long ban because some one's tender emotions got all butt hurt over something I said)
I have had the same experience as you. I had a relationship that grew into something more involved sooner than I wanted. Too much time with her and not enough time for myself. I just got back from a three week cross country trip with an old buddy. Man I am so thankful to be free of him - haha! I love the guy but it was starting to grate on my last nerve! Anyways, I have realized that for the moment that all I really desire is sexual release. I don't mind engaging in the requisites that go along with sex (dinner, cuddling, hanging out etc) but I have no desire for the day in day out grind of having a relationship. Like many others, I don't see myself giving up all of my new found freedoms by putting all of my eggs into one basket by settling down with someone right now.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #59 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 03:19 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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@Hope Shimmers I had to kiss a lot of frogs to find him. And I've had to be VERY patient. He has a lot of baggage that would have had a lot of women calling it quits, and I almost did a few times... but I stuck it out because something was telling me that he was worth it. He was trying to keep me at arm's length for a long time, because he was scared; he needed to see that I was willing to stick it out, for him to trust me enough to start letting me in. So it's been slow going, but it HAS been worth it. For someone who has a tendency to jump in head-first, it's been good for me, too.
Very interesting. Like you, I too tend to jump in head first, and I am not known for my patience. Kudos to you for putting in the effort; now you are reaping the benefits. If I'm being honest that's why I kept trying over and over again with my ex-bf, because I thought he needed to see that he could trust me, etc. But at some point I just had to admit that it wasn't about that - it was that he just didn't care.

How long have you two been together?

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He's 30, and I am 45. But he's a bit of an old soul, and I often get looks of shock when I tell people I have a kiddo in college, so I figure we balance out pretty well.
Sounds like a good match. Nice that you are taking it slow and are on the same page.

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FIP, thanks for the mention. I stopped following the old thread as well because there was too much going on. I wouldn't have found this one if you hadn't mentioned me. (Plus a month long ban because some one's tender emotions got all butt hurt over something I said)
I have had the same experience as you. I had a relationship that grew into something more involved sooner than I wanted. Too much time with her and not enough time for myself. I just got back from a three week cross country trip with an old buddy. Man I am so thankful to be free of him - haha! I love the guy but it was starting to grate on my last nerve! Anyways, I have realized that for the moment that all I really desire is sexual release. I don't mind engaging in the requisites that go along with sex (dinner, cuddling, hanging out etc) but I have no desire for the day in day out grind of having a relationship. Like many others, I don't see myself giving up all of my new found freedoms by putting all of my eggs into one basket by settling down with someone right now.
I don't know if it is a gender thing, a timing thing (I have been divorced since 2008), or just personal differences, but I want the relationship. I want the closeness. I just can't find it.

I like my freedom too, though. But I'm willing to give that up for the right person (some of it, anyway). And marriage is still in the cards for me. I know some people have said they would never marry again, but I feel like I wouldn't feel close to someone who wasn't willing to marry me.

I'm curious if you ever see yourself being in a relationship again.

Don't let people become a priority in your life when you're just an option in theirs.
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post #60 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 03:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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FIP, thanks for the mention. I stopped following the old thread as well because there was too much going on. I wouldn't have found this one if you hadn't mentioned me. (Plus a month long ban because some one's tender emotions got all butt hurt over something I said)
I have had the same experience as you. I had a relationship that grew into something more involved sooner than I wanted. Too much time with her and not enough time for myself. I just got back from a three week cross country trip with an old buddy. Man I am so thankful to be free of him - haha! I love the guy but it was starting to grate on my last nerve! Anyways, I have realized that for the moment that all I really desire is sexual release. I don't mind engaging in the requisites that go along with sex (dinner, cuddling, hanging out etc) but I have no desire for the day in day out grind of having a relationship. Like many others, I don't see myself giving up all of my new found freedoms by putting all of my eggs into one basket by settling down with someone right now.
Yes, the Singles thread can be hard to follow at times.

I would say my experience is slightly different... I (we) want to spend more time together than I have available. I would much rather be with him than doing laundry or grocery shopping, but it's sh!t that I have to do. I would much rather be with him than doing pretty much anything else.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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