The Singles of TAM 2.0 - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #91 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 01:17 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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Ne, you have grown much since you were with him. Like Hope, you deserve more. <3



I only met the man I am seeing at Thanksgiving, and I'd say we got serious about seeing each other about three weeks ago. We have a very strong physical attraction, and until we talked, I did wonder a little if more was going on. He really has been burned badly, and I meant it when I said he is an old soul. He's a bit of a romantic, and it made sense to me when he told me that he thinks sex makes things complicated. I've said that myself in other relationships, but it's the dating norm for so many people now. It's early for us, so I am happy to enjoy what we have had together so far.



And to be honest, my appetite is higher than it has been at any other point in my life, so... when we are ready, that will not be a concern - lol.


Be careful not to fall into a sexless relationship. I hope there is some heat there


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post #92 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 01:26 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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Be careful not to fall into a sexless relationship. I hope there is some heat there
There most definitely is. I would be far more concerned if that wasn't the case!
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post #93 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 02:06 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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I disagree that you only need one year to be sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with a person. Sometimes 10 years isn't even enough. People aren't always honest, even with themselves. Bad habits sometimes don't show up right away, and people with drug/gambling/spending/sex addictions are very good at hiding it. A year is NOTHING.

This makes a bit more sense than the rest of your post. If you're not feeling it by a year, then there may be some problems and it just might be worth considering cutting the cord in favor of finding someone with whom you click better. That does NOT mean if you DO feel it by 12 months you should go shopping for rings.

Speaking from my own experience. I don't need years to make up my mind to get married again. I made the decision never to get married again when I got divorced the one and only time in my life. Unlike others such as yourself, I have the capacity to learn from my mistakes so I will not be destined to repeat them.

You sound like a teenage kid who jumps across the tracks in front of a train just for the thrill.

I did a quick search, it appears that only 15 states out of 50 recognize common law. Even in those states common law marriage is not necessarily treated the same way as an "official" legal marriage. So your statement that "lots" of states have it so you might as well get married anyway is nonsense. Even if it was "most" states and even if common law marriages were treated the same way in a legal sense as traditional marriages, you've got the better part of 7 years to go your separate ways if things don't work out.

Sorry @GuyInColorado I don't agree with your perspective on marriage at all and I think you're making a huge mistake jumping in so quickly a second time. The reasons you give for doing so are completely without merit, logic, or common sense.
You're obviously new here

You may wish to save your breath. The rest of us gave up a while ago.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #94 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 02:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Just decided to take a telework day tomorrow, which means a sleepover tonight and then lunch tomorrow with Real Estate. Yay!

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #95 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 02:18 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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Sorry @GuyInColorado I don't agree with your perspective on marriage at all and I think you're making a huge mistake jumping in so quickly a second time. The reasons you give for doing so are completely without merit, logic, or common sense.
I have to agree, right now Guy is in the heady, obsessive throes of new love and blinded by all the sex he is currently getting. We all know this part doesnt last, he needs to hold off til things become more realistic for day to day life before making that commitment again. I made the biggest mistake of my life by letting myself get talked into marriage after a very stupidly short time with that person.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
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post #96 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 02:41 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

@Hope Shimmers

This is for you:
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I say Left, but mean Purple
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post #97 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 04:32 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

7 pages on the new thread already? Wow! Work is so busy I dont get much time here.

Marriage and committment: Marriage is the ultimate commitment because you are putting everything you have in --relationship, finances, kids etc. The piece of paper legally binds you to that person. The good and the bad (debt etc).

So to say the piece of paper means nothing is NOT accurate. It means alot more than a person whom you just live with who is not your spouse. You can walk out the door in most cases without further ramifications.

You can choose not to marry for whatever reason you choose. Most the time I think it comes from people who have been hurt and have not been healed. But I do know plenty that have decided not to risk any more than they did previously. It certainly is a safe way to go. But I think if you find the right person, most people will want to marry and toss the safety out the window. Some will not and will find a partner happy with that arrangement.
I always say NEVER say never. If the right person appears, I will re-marry. Otherwise I will do my best at raising my kids and having a full life. I assume I will have partners if I do not re-marry. But I will not go long term with someone who is not making the mark to marry. So I can have a partner that is fine for the moment. I know that its temporary. I also know I dont want to be married to them. It will end up a relationship for a season. It will not be years long with no legal committment.

Last edited by bkyln309; 01-31-2017 at 04:51 PM.
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post #98 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 04:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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7 pages on the new thread already? Wow! Work is so busy I dont get much time here.

Marriage and committment: Marriage is the ultimate commitment because you are putting everything you have in --relationship, finances, kids etc. The piece of piece legally binds you to that person. The good and the bad (debt etc).

So to say the piece of paper means nothing is NOT accurate. It means alot more than a person whom you just live with who is not your spouse. You can walk out the door in most cases without further ramifications.

You can choose not to marry for whatever reason you choose. Most the time I think it comes from people who have been hurt and have not been healed. But I do know plenty that have decided not to risk any more than they did previously. It certainly is a safe way to go. But I think if you find the right person, most people will want to marry and toss the safety out the window. Some will not and will find a partner happy with that arrangement.
I always say NEVER say never. If the right person appears, I will re-marry. Otherwise I will do my best at raising my kids and having a full life. I assume I will have partners if I do not re-marry, but I will not go long term with someone who I say I will not marry. So I can have a partner that is fine for the moment and I know that but I also know I dont want to be married to them. It will end up a relationship for a season.
Love this post!!! YES!!! QFT!!!

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #99 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 04:48 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

After having 3 failed marriages under my belt, I honestly dont care if it never happens again. I went ALL IN 3 different times, only to have them all not work. At this point, I just want someone who WANTS me, loves me, is faithful, and always has my back. THAT is what is important to me at this time in my life. I wont say I would never marry again, but it just is not a priority for me now.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
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post #100 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 05:25 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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After having 3 failed marriages under my belt, I honestly dont care if it never happens again. I went ALL IN 3 different times, only to have them all not work. At this point, I just want someone who WANTS me, loves me, is faithful, and always has my back. THAT is what is important to me at this time in my life. I wont say I would never marry again, but it just is not a priority for me now.


5 for me. I quit. It's not my bag obviously. lol


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post #101 of 393 (permalink) Old 01-31-2017, 08:06 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

One and done for me! I honestly don't see it (marriage) happening again. I simply don't understand the need for a marriage to prove commitment. As I said, marriage is to commitment as religion is to God. And I can honestly say, I can say I know God exists, which is more than most religious folks who (at best) can only say they believe God exists.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #102 of 393 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 04:04 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Cuddlebunny showed me a photo with her with makeup (she's a natural beauty and already 8/10 in my scale)... and... SUPER HOT! easily at least 15/10!! I've never seen such a stunner in YEARS, and I see stunners all the time! Yet all this time and she never dressed up like that for me. I haven't been able to take my eyes off the photo all day, and she wasn't happy with me when I proposed she should dress up like that.

*sigh* Wimmen -.-
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post #103 of 393 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 04:57 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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Cuddlebunny showed me a photo with her with makeup (she's a natural beauty and already 8/10 in my scale)... and... SUPER HOT! easily at least 15/10!! I've never seen such a stunner in YEARS, and I see stunners all the time! Yet all this time and she never dressed up like that for me. I haven't been able to take my eyes off the photo all day, and she wasn't happy with me when I proposed she should dress up like that.

*sigh* Wimmen -.-
Sigh... oh, RD.

We ALL look better with makeup on. That's why it's consistently such a booming industry!

Just one female perspective here:
I stopped wearing makeup this past spring, and was surprised at how liberating it has been for me. It sparked some great conversations, with both men and women in my life about societal expectations and self-image. I have one friend who said she will never stop wearing makeup, because when she spends that time looking in the mirror each day, she sees the features she shares with her sister and their deceased mom. She treasures that time feeling close to them. I told her that is a beautiful reason to wear makeup, and love that she does it for herself. Every other friend has either stopped wearing it herself, or can't - because she feels she can't be seen without it.

I realized that I have never worn it for me. From the age of 13, I wore makeup because I thought I was supposed to. Heaven forbid I should let anyone see me without my "face" on. Not wearing makeup has taught me that I am beautiful because I am a good person - not because I have mascara on. And I have learned that many men prefer women without makeup. They want to see their true beauty. I have even given presentations and gone on first dates without makeup on. And gotten second dates - lol!

Now, I have started wearing a little bit again - sometimes. But it's because I want to, not because anyone expects me to. It's boosted my self-confidence in ways that wearing it never did. Anyway - just a different point of view for you to consider, RD.

My final and most important point for you: You know those "tests" you run women through when you are dating? Don't be surprised if this is a test that Cuddlebunny has. And you are not scoring well by reacting like that.
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post #104 of 393 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 05:21 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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@Hope Shimmers

This is for you:
Thanks for this, @ne9907

I have been so stupid, waiting around for a man who gives not one sh&t about me.

What's funny about your analogy is that my house was hit by lightning and burned in late 2013. That will be the first and last time.

It is way past time to move on. I like how 2017 looks. For ME.

Funny story.... I belonged to a dance group (about 100 people, rock and hip-hop mainly) a few years ago. We have done a lot of street dances and also indoors. I haven't participated in the last couple of years, but I hung out with a few of the group today just to catch up. We were at the post office of all places (a few of us including me had to mail some ebay packages), and the line was held up with probably 30 people ahead of us.

Some random person in line started playing "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell on their phone. That's a song we choreographed and performed about 7 years ago. Actually we mainly did the "Where Did Our Love Go" version (if anyone is old enough to know this except me - hey, we had age 20s and 30s in our dance group!) and when that started to play, we put the packages down, crossed the rope to the open area, and started dancing and singing to the song as we had choreographed those years ago. Several people took iPhone videos so maybe it will show up someday. We got a standing ovation (of course everyone was standing anyway, lol). But it was so FUN.

I need my life back. I am so sad that the ex did not believe in us - did not believe in me. I am sad that he turned down the opportunity for the life he said he wanted with me. But it is what it is.

There is always something new on the horizon.

Don't let people become a priority in your life when you're just an option in theirs.

Last edited by Hope Shimmers; 02-01-2017 at 03:09 PM.
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post #105 of 393 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 07:31 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Twice for me and both times pretty much wrecked the good life I had. Not interested in doing that again. I'm now in my 50's so no more kids in my plans which would be about the only reason I'd consider it. I'm only looking to have some fun and someone to do things with, which since my second divorce 8 years ago hasn't been especially difficult for me to find. My crappy "I don't deeply care if you like me or not - I'll just find someone else to play with" attitude for some bizaar reason doesn't seem to reduce my playing field all that much so far. Want to have some fun ? Lets give it a go. Want lots of deep meaningful heavy "our future" relationship stuff ? Uhg - See ya !
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