The Singles of TAM 2.0 - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
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post #106 of 455 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 07:58 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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Sigh... oh, RD.

We ALL look better with makeup on. That's why it's consistently such a booming industry!

Just one female perspective here:
I stopped wearing makeup this past spring, and was surprised at how liberating it has been for me. It sparked some great conversations, with both men and women in my life about societal expectations and self-image. I have one friend who said she will never stop wearing makeup, because when she spends that time looking in the mirror each day, she sees the features she shares with her sister and their deceased mom. She treasures that time feeling close to them. I told her that is a beautiful reason to wear makeup, and love that she does it for herself. Every other friend has either stopped wearing it herself, or can't - because she feels she can't be seen without it.

I realized that I have never worn it for me. From the age of 13, I wore makeup because I thought I was supposed to. Heaven forbid I should let anyone see me without my "face" on. Not wearing makeup has taught me that I am beautiful because I am a good person - not because I have mascara on. And I have learned that many men prefer women without makeup. They want to see their true beauty. I have even given presentations and gone on first dates without makeup on. And gotten second dates - lol!

Now, I have started wearing a little bit again - sometimes. But it's because I want to, not because anyone expects me to. It's boosted my self-confidence in ways that wearing it never did. Anyway - just a different point of view for you to consider, RD.

My final and most important point for you: You know those "tests" you run women through when you are dating? Don't be surprised if this is a test that Cuddlebunny has. And you are not scoring well by reacting like that.
Cuddlebunny is a natural beauty for me, she doesn't see it for some reason (or is just humble) but I find her absolutely gorgeous. All I mentioned was that when she's already so gorgeous to me, and then when she wears the right makeup... then its... struck dead as if she's a goddess!

I told her I don't need her with makeup, and I prefer it if she's natural most of the time, besides I want her to be comfortable and not to mention makeup can take a while to get rid of which is an inconvenience after sex. Besides I chose her over all other women when she wore no make-up and she still doesn't. That's the thing, I'm so jealous other people could lay their eyes on her with makeup and she dressed up for them but so far not for me

Thats all I said! But she took it the wrong way... she's ok now, after much explanation but

I'm so jealous!

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post #107 of 455 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 08:15 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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7 pages on the new thread already? Wow! Work is so busy I dont get much time here.

Marriage and committment: Marriage is the ultimate commitment because you are putting everything you have in --relationship, finances, kids etc. The piece of paper legally binds you to that person. The good and the bad (debt etc).

So to say the piece of paper means nothing is NOT accurate. It means alot more than a person whom you just live with who is not your spouse. You can walk out the door in most cases without further ramifications.

Would you rather have someone be with you that only stays because of the legalities of marriage but would rather not be there or would you rather have someone be with you but can walk at any time without penalty but chooses to stay because thats what they want?

You can choose not to marry for whatever reason you choose. Most the time I think it comes from people who have been hurt and have not been healed. But I do know plenty that have decided not to risk any more than they did previously. It certainly is a safe way to go. But I think if you find the right person, most people will want to marry and toss the safety out the window. Some will not and will find a partner happy with that arrangement.
I always say NEVER say never. If the right person appears, I will re-marry. Otherwise I will do my best at raising my kids and having a full life. I assume I will have partners if I do not re-marry. But I will not go long term with someone who is not making the mark to marry. So I can have a partner that is fine for the moment. I know that its temporary. I also know I dont want to be married to them. It will end up a relationship for a season. It will not be years long with no legal committment.
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post #108 of 455 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 09:18 AM Thread Starter
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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Cuddlebunny is a natural beauty for me, she doesn't see it for some reason (or is just humble) but I find her absolutely gorgeous. All I mentioned was that when she's already so gorgeous to me, and then when she wears the right makeup... then its... struck dead as if she's a goddess!

I told her I don't need her with makeup, and I prefer it if she's natural most of the time, besides I want her to be comfortable and not to mention makeup can take a while to get rid of which is an inconvenience after sex. Besides I chose her over all other women when she wore no make-up and she still doesn't. That's the thing, I'm so jealous other people could lay their eyes on her with makeup and she dressed up for them but so far not for me

Thats all I said! But she took it the wrong way... she's ok now, after much explanation but

I'm so jealous!
RD, so I don't know Cuddlebunny, obviously. But if, in her past, if she's always perceived that other people value her most for her beauty (or only value her for her beauty), it may bother her that you're emphasizing it so much. Especially if she feels that she's finally found in you someone who values her for HER (her personality, her character, her brain) rather than her beauty.

Beautiful women (most of them, anyway) know they are beautiful, and unless they are insecure, they get tired of hearing it, because it's always the first thing that people notice about them and comment on. Complement her on other things. Pay attention to what types of compliments really make her light up, and do more of those. Show her you value her for more than just her looks.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #109 of 455 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 09:23 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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RD, so I don't know Cuddlebunny, obviously. But if, in her past, if she's always perceived that other people value her most for her beauty (or only value her for her beauty), it may bother her that you're emphasizing it so much. Especially if she feels that she's finally found in you someone who values her for HER (her personality, her character, her brain) rather than her beauty.



Beautiful women (most of them, anyway) know they are beautiful, and unless they are insecure, they get tired of hearing it, because it's always the first thing that people notice about them and comment on. Complement her on other things. Pay attention to what types of compliments really make her light up, and do more of those. Show her you value her for more than just her looks.


I am constantly having this problem in my current dating ventures. It's quite frustrating.


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post #110 of 455 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 09:52 AM Thread Starter
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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I am constantly having this problem in my current dating ventures. It's quite frustrating.
I think part of it is that men are so visually focused (in some cases) that when they encounter a beautiful woman, that's all they focus on. Like they forget that there's an actual person with a brain inside that physical body. For some men, that physical appearance is the absolute most important thing in a mate, and so they don't necessarily know how to engage a woman on a more cerebral level.

Real Estate has a rule that he only dates smart women (one of the reasons he's so into me!), because he wants someone he can talk to and have interesting conversation, so he engaged with me on a more intellectual level from the very beginning. Real Estate is also quite smart, so that's only natural, but he actually LIKES women who are smarter than he is. It takes a person who is confident in himself and his own abilities to appreciate someone who may supersede him in certain areas--some men lack this confidence or are overly competitive, so they can't handle someone who may be "more than" him in certain areas.

Real Estate has only commented on my physical appearance maybe a handful of times, because he knows that flattering my physical appearance isn't what will win me over. He's a smart man, and I think sometimes he doesn't give himself enough credit. I know he finds me attractive, I don't need him to tell me that, even though the occasional compliment on my appearance is always welcomed. If I ask him, "How do I look?" he knows that is his cue to say something nice about my appearance. But typically, just the way he looks at me is more than enough. A man won't spend time with and invest in a woman he doesn't find attractive, plain and simple. Women who are secure in their appearance and attractiveness know that, and don't need constant affirmation in the form of compliments. A lot of men don't understand that.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #111 of 455 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 10:21 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

My dad and mom had a long happy marriage. I asked him about marriage. He said its about companionship.

But my favorite advice he gave was this: He said dont marry someone for their looks. Because everyone gets old and gets ugly. And if the only thing you had was looks, all you have left when you get old is ugly. (Better have friendship and character)

My dad was big on the character of the man. I should have known better and not married my ex. He was never a fan!!!
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post #112 of 455 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 10:23 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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I think part of it is that men are so visually focused (in some cases) that when they encounter a beautiful woman, that's all they focus on. Like they forget that there's an actual person with a brain inside that physical body. For some men, that physical appearance is the absolute most important thing in a mate, and so they don't necessarily know how to engage a woman on a more cerebral level.

Real Estate has a rule that he only dates smart women (one of the reasons he's so into me!), because he wants someone he can talk to and have interesting conversation, so he engaged with me on a more intellectual level from the very beginning. Real Estate is also quite smart, so that's only natural, but he actually LIKES women who are smarter than he is. It takes a person who is confident in himself and his own abilities to appreciate someone who may supersede him in certain areas--some men lack this confidence or are overly competitive, so they can't handle someone who may be "more than" him in certain areas.

Real Estate has only commented on my physical appearance maybe a handful of times, because he knows that flattering my physical appearance isn't what will win me over. He's a smart man, and I think sometimes he doesn't give himself enough credit. I know he finds me attractive, I don't need him to tell me that, even though the occasional compliment on my appearance is always welcomed. If I ask him, "How do I look?" he knows that is his cue to say something nice about my appearance. But typically, just the way he looks at me is more than enough. A man won't spend time with and invest in a woman he doesn't find attractive, plain and simple. Women who are secure in their appearance and attractiveness know that, and don't need constant affirmation in the form of compliments. A lot of men don't understand that.
Its funny because SMART is at the top of my list. I simply cannot be with someone who is not above me in intelligence. Smart men are so sexy!
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post #113 of 455 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 10:50 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

My IQ is 145 (haha!)

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #114 of 455 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 10:57 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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My IQ is 145 (haha!)

hot stuff!! LOL.
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post #115 of 455 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 10:57 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

I do not look better with make up on!


I say Left, but mean Purple
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post #116 of 455 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 11:09 AM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Ynot - it's just a fact we Ohio people are smart.
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post #117 of 455 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 11:29 AM Thread Starter
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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Its funny because SMART is at the top of my list. I simply cannot be with someone who is not above me in intelligence. Smart men are so sexy!
I agree!!! Smart is very important, but they also have to have a kind heart. Smart+arrogance is the WORST.

For those of you who have been on the thread for a long time, you remember Fireman! (For newer folks, he was a guy I dated in summer '14, the first guy I dated since the divorce.) He was smokin' hot and he was really sweet, but boy, was he dumb. Couldn't have a decent convo with him to save my life. He was fun for a little while, but I later realized that there was no way it could have worked long term. (He ghosted me after 6 or 7 weeks, so I never got the chance to make that determination.)

But speaking of the way some men react when they encounter a beautiful woman... on our first date, he was really quiet, and I didn't think he liked me at all. After a few drinks and a little food, he asked me if I would like to go get some ice cream, and then go for a walk. He made a comment about wanting to hold my hand and kiss me, but his hands were sticky... I responded, I didn't think you really liked me, you barely said anything for the first two hours! And he said, I was nervous! And I asked, why were you nervous, mr studly fireman? He replied, you're really pretty, of course I was nervous! It was a very sweet moment. I hope he finds a girl that appreciates him and can take care of him, even if he was a d!ck who ghosted me. (He had some other issues...)

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #118 of 455 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 12:03 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

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Ynot - it's just a fact we Ohio people are smart.
That explains my ex, then. She was from Michigan haha

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post #119 of 455 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 12:12 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Holy sh*t - me too !! LOL Guess we aren't *that* smart ! - at least not me. Proof that even with a masters from Cal Tech it's possible to dumb as hell. lol.
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post #120 of 455 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 12:15 PM
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Re: The Singles of TAM 2.0

Ha, my ex was from Michigan too.
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