So, Real Estate and I have made it past the one-year mark! It's funny... since
our fight at the beginning of March over the future and intent of our relationship (after which I told him--after a LOT of deliberation on my part--that I wasn't going anywhere, because I decided it's not time for that conversation yet, because going nuclear and giving him what is essentially an ultimatum won't work and will make both of us unhappy), our relationship has continued to grow more intimate and stronger. It's almost as if by not trying to tie him down and get a commitment out of him, he has become more committed and invested in us. He's opening up more and allowing himself to be more vulnerable than he was before. His walls are still up, but he's letting me in more than before... so I guess he actually was listening to me when we were having our big argument.
(That's still a revelation, after a year... I've grown so accustomed to having my feelings and concerns dismissed, for literally my entire life, so accustomed to people simply not listening to me, that it still surprises me that he actually LISTENS and HEARS what I'm saying, even hears the things I want to say but can't. It blows my freaking mind. I don't know if I'll ever get used to that.)
And the last few weeks, he's been simply amazing. I've been incredibly stressed at work and working long hours, bringing work home over the weekends, not to mention problems with my boss, and he's just been great this whole time--it's like he's known exactly what I've needed. Like the one night I went over after work, having put in several extra hours, and my brain was just fried. He was lying in bed--he was taking a nap while he waited for me--and he was like, "Come give me a hug," and when I did, he grabbed me and pulled me into bed and just cuddled me for a while to help me de-stress. He's crank-called me at work a couple times to make me laugh, which has really cheered me up. I've really needed someone to lean on these past few weeks, and he's been my rock.
I think patience and not pushing the issue was the right way to go.
In other news, Flower is doing well. While her incontinence issues haven't cleared up completely, she's doing much better. We still put the diaper on her overnight or when we go out, but if we're home with her and can let her out, we can leave the doggy diaper off. Real Estate still has to puree her food, and that looks like it's going to be a permanent change, but she's been eating well, no vomiting for a few weeks now, and she's slowly gaining her weight back.
In other news, his sister is not doing well... it's simply a matter of time at this point. She needs to have someone with her 24/7 at this point... the cancer has spread to every part of her brain, it seems. She can no longer walk without help, but she can't remember that she can't walk without help, so if someone isn't watching her, she'll stand up and try to walk across the room and fall down. And she's no longer lucid, apparently. It's very sad. Real Estate gives me updates when he talks to his family, but he won't talk about how he feels, which I understand... I know how this makes him feel. They asked him to take some time to come home to help take care of her and see her, but he's not going to... it sounds bad, but I understand why. His oldest brother (H) is living with his sister f/t and taking care of her (he's retired), and his other older brother and his wife live very close and are helping take care of her as well, and they have it pretty well covered. Because Real Estate works for himself and has to be on call for his clients 24/7, he can't just up and leave at the drop of a hat... they live 12 hours away. And he simply doesn't want to see his sister like that. Real Estate and his sister had to take care of their mother when she was sick and dying--here where he and I live now, not where they all live--without the help of his older brothers, and I think he simply doesn't want to go through that again. That he doesn't think he's strong enough to handle it, maybe.
My heart breaks for him over this. I realize that I have been very fortunate in my life that most people in my life have lived long and healthy lives; my father's parents both passed in their mid 70s, but their siblings and wives all lived into their late 80's, some of whom are still alive and still in good health. My mother's parents are in their mid-late 80's now, and it's only recently that my grandmother's health has weakened. All my aunts and uncles are in good health, and I expect them to be for some time now, as are my own parents. But Real Estate's parents both passed away when he was around my age, and now his sister. I can't even pretend to know how that feels. Even in another 10 years, when I get to be Real Estate's age (he's 10 yrs older than me), I expect that my parents will still be in good health. I may be tempting fate, but I've been very lucky that death has not yet touched me so closely.
All I can do is be here for him and support him the best that I can.