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The Singles of TAM 2.0

88K views 1K replies 66 participants last post by  FeministInPink 
#1 · (Edited)
This is a continuation of the original Singles of TAM thread, which is now 2300+ pages.

If you want to see where we left off or figure what the heck any of us are talking about, you can read the old thread here.

Please do not post any responses in the old thread--please post them here instead.

I'm going to roll call people who posted to the old Singles thread recently to help them find this new one: @Bananapeel @ne9907 @3Xnocharm @anewstart60 @GuyInColorado @TooNice @RandomDude @vi_bride04 @Absurdist @Herschel @Haiku @Hopeful Cynic @Satya @bkyln309 @tripad @Hope Shimmers @*Deidre* @sosotte @wantshelp @moco82 @EleGirl @Ynot

ETA: For anyone NEW to the Singles thread, you can post anything about your experiences as a newly single person, ask questions or advice, or respond to any of the other folks on the thread. We're a friendly bunch, and we welcome everyone, even people who aren't single, but just want to hang out with the coolest people of TAM.
 
#990 ·
Ergh... so I thought she be pretty, so I smiled, then she smiled... and I... changed direction :eek:

Then the next day, another pretty lady, so I smiled, and then she smiled, and... the world suddenly became a better place :surprise:

Except, never sure about making someone at work another fkbuddy, especially a subordinate. Still, we all know the rule of preventing sexual harassment lawsuits right?



:D

Actually forget it... not worth the gossips
 
#992 ·
Guys n ladies

I think next year, I will sign up that gym package n go gym more n see if i can have any interactions with available men . Sigh .

My life , work , boys are doing well . Except i am getting so used to being alone n independent , albeit lonely at times .

My ex is filling his life , jobless n recently with a job , chasing skirts n talking about women to my domestic helper every weekend when he picks up the kids . Really irks me . N he pre - warns me he cant give child support which is starting Jan 2018 . Can i slaughter him ?
 
#995 ·
Get a pet




Samoyeds will keep you busy, keep you outdoors too, and folks will come to see and pet your cute puppy whenever you go out. Dogs are great wingmen!
Me ?!

Single working parent with no children support . Dont want another " mouth " to feed .

My boys has been asking for a puppy for years , they love animals . Sad that i cant do that for them .
 
#997 ·
Yaa...I don’t know what I would do without my fur brats. I would love to add a third but I don’t know how steady my financial future is or how much or what shift I’ll be working. Dogs can be very expensive!

That said, I attempted a dog when my boys were young and I was a single parent. I ended up having to re-home her when the “new” wore off for the boys and they weren’t helping take care of her. I had my hands full with them and two jobs. Although we found her a great home, it broke my heart to have to let her go :(


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#999 ·
So, on a different note - I just heard today that one of the best friends I ever had passed away last Sunday. He was one of those guys who could finish your sentence and vice versa. I had so many great times with him. We sort of went our separate ways over the past 25+years. We went our separate ways when we both become serious with the women who became our wives. We got together from time to time just man to man and it was always just like old times. Our wives never meshed so that was something that kept us apart. After I got divorced I reached out to him but nothing came of it because of some really strange circumstances (another story for another time). Tomorrow I am going to his funeral. I loved him like a brother. Just another reminder that life is short, so make the most out of it.
 
#1,000 ·
So.. I've been hitting they gym 5-6 times a week and eating extremely healthy for the past month or so.. and the weight is literally falling off of me. I'm fitting into cloths I haven't worn in over 5 years. This is all great and everything but I'm doing it for the wrong reasons :( ... My soon to be ex wife and I stopped having sex about 2 months ago (broken up since Jan 2016 when I caught her cheating). She has an on again and off again boyfriend (the one she cheated on me with) and something just hit me in the last month.... (probably the lack of sex) but I'm so damn motivated. I've never been more motivated in my life. My goal is to make her super jealous and with losing weight find a sexual partner. I thought I wanted a relationship but I now realize I don't. I just want to have sex.. with somebody.. anybody.. is that terrible of me? ps: still love my soon to be ex wife but want her to hate that shes not with me anymore. ps: im not the a**hole I sound to be... just dealing with a crappy situation and Im hurting that's all.
 
#1,003 ·
What you are doing is completely natural. When my ex left I got into great shape. I was lifting, running, spinning, trail riding and doing yoga. I lost 35 lbs. But then I realized that SHE had been my motivation. I kind of stopped, reduced my regimen and started looking for what I really wanted instead. I have put on a few pounds, I was never obese or fat, just bigger that I had wanted to be (I am 6'3").
Anyways, what I have found out is that most women are not really attracted to overly muscular men and the women I was attracted to weren't ripped either. In both cases it screams of narcissim. If you want sex, you will find plenty. There are women (and men) all over the place who are looking for the same thing and it doesn't require two a days, protein shake and spending hours in the gym getting ripped (which is a waste of time anyways).
Most people like real people. People who have lives outside of the gym or the church, or the bar or whatever your "drug" of choice is. Find a couple of new hobbies or other activities instead of becoming a lunk-head.
 
#1,004 ·
Keep working out. Being in better shape than 98% of the other men out there is a great confidence booster. It's great discipline. I hit weights 3x week and run 5 miles 2x a week. Just drink water and cofeee. Rarely eat bad stuff (burgers/fries). Love it.

Get your ex out of your mind. Start dating and experiencing new women. There are hotter and funner girls out there. You aren't marrying them. Go have fun!
 
#1,005 ·
Being in better shape than 98% of the other men out there is a great confidence booster.
So is being smarter, more well read, more well rounded, richer, or more of anything. Just find whatever it is you are good at and build on it. Anything can be a confidence booster if you look at it the right way. Google Chad Howse and read some of his blog posts. He talks about real confidence a lot.
 
#1,008 ·
Its been a bad day. Real Estate and I had to go to the animal hospital and have Flower put down early this morning. He took her in for emergency surgery on Thursday, and there were too many post-surgery complications/problems. My heart is broken for him right now.

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#1,013 ·
I've been staying over at his place since Thanksgiving, since his condo is much closer to the temp job I have for the holiday season, so I've been with him this entire time. (Of course, I do leave for my shifts at work.) I told him that if he needs some space/time to himself, and if he wants me to go home, to just let me know, no problem. But he seems pretty content to have me here.

He got up early today, and let me sleep in. He's already packed up all of Flower's belongings, which surprised me... But I guess it shouldn't. I'm thinking seeing those reminders is a bit too painful eight now. And now he's cleaning the kitchen, so that's good. He likes a clean place, so he's trying to maintain normalcy right now.

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#1,018 ·
Opportunities, just passing like night and day, a smile here, a stare there, small-talk with a stranger and the look of disappointment when I walk away. No regrets. No temptation.

Yet... wonder, questions, the dread "what if", can I still be normal? Can I experience what people keep telling me about, this "love"? Bah!

My transcendence is incomplete. Will require more study and re-wiring...
 
#1,023 ·
Sweet solitude. In quiet contemplation, piano in my ears, the softness of my fat puddy cat's fur on my lap, the summer breeze flowing into the atrium, boats sailing up and down the river out my window, might head out to the marina with my daughter later too. Life is so peaceful, yet... there's something missing.

I desire no love, no companionship, yet why is there are longing? I feel like a predator resisting my impulses to hunt my prey. How many hearts do I have to break before I gather enough reasons to stay the f--k away. I don't like getting close to people, I prefer my relationships on a shallow level, sex with no dramas, no feelings, no expectations. Yet it never lasts, either they fall in love, becoming a victim, or they move on seeking what I can not give.

I just want a long-term fkbuddy without being the bad guy breaking hearts! :banghead:
 
#1,028 ·
Wait a second...you broke up AGAIN from your recent GF?
 
#1,024 ·
Depression after separation.

It has been nearly six months since me and my ex finalized our custody agreement after our split and I find myself in a rut. Not over our relationship but how our break up changed our lives.

It's been a while since I've posted and never in this thread so a quick recap of events.

While together still, my ex went on vacation and decided she wanted to end things and made the decision not to come back from her trip with our daughter. I filed a custody case to try and bring my daughter back but ultimately the court allowed it. I could have fought more but frankly I wanted it over and to see my daughter and I just couldn't afford it anymore, I really couldn't afford it to begin with.
In the end the agreement was that I move from Arizona to New Jersey and we have 50/50 parenting time with her being the custodial parent.
It has worked out that I have her 4 days a week and she has her 3. Sounds like a win.
Except the part where I had to move out of my home, sell and give away all my belongings, and move cross country to a state that frankly I hate.

Other than our relationship things were great in Arizona. I owned a home, I had a great job that I liked and paid well, had a group of friends I was close with, and family. Now I have family here too so that's something, but that's it. Yes I have my daughter and that was and is the most important thing, but I'm struggling. And I'm worried how my daughter is adjusting. I still own my home in AZ and have renters in it, but all the money from the rent is going to taxes, insurance and to pay my attorney off, so no money to help me find a place here. I stayed the first few months with my brother but he had just gotten married and his wife is pregnant, as much as they love me they want to have some time to live alone as a married couple before they have their first child. Understandable. So now I'm living with my mother.

I had hoped that I would be able to find work but have only been able to find part time, low income jobs. Barley enough to pay for my daughters school, and the few bills I have. Let alone try and find a rental in this absurdly expensive area. If I did not have family to lean on I would either be back in AZ away from my child or on the streets so I am thankful that I have a place to go. At the same time, I hate it here.

On one hand I think it's only been six months it's ok it takes time to build things. On the other I think it's been six months, what the hell are you doing with your life get it together you piece of ****. I miss the life I had in AZ and I'm having a hard time excepting my new reality. And Everytime I start to, my ex comes around and trys to work her way back in to my life, when I refuse she gets angry and trys to make my life difficult and then it sets off all the original emotions from the breakup. Betrayal, resentment, and anger. Because I'm still holding on to this anger I can't seem to meet anyone, romantically or friendly.

I'm lonely and want friends and would like to find someone to date but I have no motivation to put my self out there. I feel I have nothing to offer, I was once a very confident person but my confidence has slowly been chipped away over the last year during and since the split.

I'm kind or rambling at this point but I guess the bottom line is, I'm lost, I'm lonely, I'm discouraged, I'm angry, I'm poor and struggling, and I'm not sure how to pull myself out of this and move on.
 
#1,036 ·
Give yourself some time. Six month is nothing. I am four years out and still feel the occasional pang of misery.
I thought 2017 was a ****ty year for me, but I have learned a lot of things about what I like, what makes me happy, etc.

You will get better. Life gets better.


I am back from Egypt. Had an amazing time. Want to do it again!!

Has anyone heard of @GuyInColorado ?

I am a bit worried about him
 
#1,026 ·
@Jpp3 The feelings you are having aren't unusual. Divorce is hard enough, and ypurs is made harder by this forced relocation that you didn't want. (And I'm really disappointed that the court ultimately sanctioned your XW's "kidnapping" of your daughter, as it seems to me that she doesn't have your daughter's best interest at heart.)

If you're not doing so already, I think you need to establish hard boundaries with your XW regarding communication, to minimize the possibility of her upsetting your apple cart, so to speak.

Have you tried checking out MeetUp to help beef up your social life? For me, making new friends, who valued me amd accepted me, was key to my regaining self-confidence after my divorce.

If you're having a hard time with employment, have you considered the possibility of changing fields or going back to school to become more marketable? Or starting your own business? Just a thought. Also, getting out there socially could also improve your chance of finding a new job. They say it's all about networking and who you know.

And remember, when you start getting down, your present situation, and the way you are feeling, is all temporary. This too, like all things, shall pass. Nothing in life (except death) is permanent.

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#1,027 ·
My beginning of the year update. So the day after Christmas, my GF and I decided to end it. I had been feeling a little disconnected for about a month and so had she. It was more or less a mutual thing and it ended amiably with the decision to remain friends.
She has a lot on her plate now. She is doing a long term teaching assignment, finishing her degree, she teaches piano and tutors, she has four kids (two adults, two minor) all at home. She didn't have time to devote to a relationship. And all of this I understand.
At the same time, some of that made me uncomfortable and I felt myself sinking back into old thought habits, trying to make accommodations for things I wasn't comfortable with rather than seeking things and situations I was more in sync with and that enhanced my happiness.
So, now I will take a little time, allow the lessons I learned to sink in and move on with my life. New year, new beginning.
 
#1,031 ·
My beginning of the year update. So the day after Christmas, my GF and I decided to end it. I had been feeling a little disconnected for about a month and so had she. It was more or less a mutual thing and it ended amiably with the decision to remain friends.

She has a lot on her plate now. She is doing a long term teaching assignment, finishing her degree, she teaches piano and tutors, she has four kids (two adults, two minor) all at home. She didn't have time to devote to a relationship. And all of this I understand.

At the same time, some of that made me uncomfortable and I felt myself sinking back into old thought habits, trying to make accommodations for things I wasn't comfortable with rather than seeking things and situations I was more in sync with and that enhanced my happiness.

So, now I will take a little time, allow the lessons I learned to sink in and move on with my life. New year, new beginning.


*swoon*
I still have a chance.
[emoji16]


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#1,033 ·
I’ve given up on both. Working at a chrome-plating plant in a quality lab & operating robots. I’m in my element with all the new toys but the pay sucks unfortunately. It will do for now. Probably a couple bucks higher than home improvement warehouses anyway plus benefits. It will feel good to have health insurance again. Feels like I’ve been walking a tightrope!

ETA just for fun, plus I’m sleepy and on my second glass of wine:




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