Wont accept people like that in my life - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 09:33 AM
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Re: Wont accept people like that in my life

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Originally Posted by NoMoreTears4me View Post
This is kind of what she is doing. It kinda sucks cause we were looking forward to hanging out before we found out who it was with. Anyway possible disaster avoided!
Yeah totally. I get the let down from your side. I'm happy you found out before bonding outside of work into a morally objectionable situation.


Ciao,

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post #17 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 11:09 AM
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Re: Wont accept people like that in my life

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Originally Posted by NoMoreTears4me View Post
This is kind of what she is doing. It kinda sucks cause we were looking forward to hanging out before we found out who it was with. Anyway possible disaster avoided!
Its amazing that she would think you would be ok with this.
Why is it that you don't have friends? Have you moved away from your home town?
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post #18 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 11:11 AM
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Re: Wont accept people like that in my life

Good for your GF, says she might be a keeper !!

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #19 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 12:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wont accept people like that in my life

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Its amazing that she would think you would be ok with this.
Why is it that you don't have friends? Have you moved away from your home town?
Before my divorce my life was my family. I didn't want or need friends outside of work. Im so selfish that I gave all my time to my family.

And my ex has corrupted all our old friends and leaving out the information on her affair. Anyway I decided new friends were in order.
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post #20 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 12:52 PM
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Re: Wont accept people like that in my life

I don't get it, what kind of workplace is this where a person is actively cheating and inviting their colleagues to hang out with the OP's?

And why p*ssy foot around the fact you don't approve, don't like/avow to this sort of behaviour, never mind just the cheating but this bizarro scenario of inviting people to hang out with the cheaters?!!
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post #21 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 03:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wont accept people like that in my life

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I don't get it, what kind of workplace is this where a person is actively cheating and inviting their colleagues to hang out with the OP's?

And why p*ssy foot around the fact you don't approve, don't like/avow to this sort of behaviour, never mind just the cheating but this bizarro scenario of inviting people to hang out with the cheaters?!!
In a small work environment with only a few employees I would say its not wise to throw around your opinion and disapproval and maintain the ability to work with that person. Thus the issue she is having continuing to work with this person and not throw her own judgment upon her. If this was a large company and she did not have to see this person every day I imagine it would be much easier to tell her exactly how she feels.

I would also submit that there is no such thing as a work environment where someone is not doing something with somebody they shouldn't. I think I have read enough TAM posts to figure out where many an AP has come from
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post #22 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 04:09 PM
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Re: Wont accept people like that in my life

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So my GF and me have been talking a while now about making friends and going out with other couples. She agrees and we have been searching for someone to play cards go to movies cook out with etc.

Recently a coworker of her has asked us to have a cookout and watch movies. I was excited and figured this would be just what we are looking for.

She found out the other day that this person has been cheating on her husband and that's who she wants us to hang out with.

I told my gf under no circumstances will I associate with this person. I cannot and will not be around that type of person. She agreed with me and now its causing her some stress at work because my gf wont acknowledge the requests to go out with them anymore.

I think we both agree that his is not the type of people we want to hang out with.

Are we doing the right thing? Should we tell her exactly why we do not want to be social with them?
I think the decision is sound, but the method of expressing it leaves something to be desired.

When you say "type" of person, you have pigeonholed and in fact, this is the first step toward what eventually becomes a form of racism.

I recommend not telling anybody "I won't associate with your type", but instead, express it in specific terms. "I enjoy my time with you. I am not willing to socialize with you in the presence of a man with whom you have a sexual relationship who is not your husband. If you get divorced from your husband that's another matter, or if you'd like to join me and my husband by yourself, I would welcome that. Please understand I am not judging you, I am simply saying that there are behaviors around which I am sufficiently uncomfortable that any socializing would not be very enjoyable for me."

How's that sound?

There are three kinds of business. Your business, my business and God's business. Whose business are you in? -Byron Katie
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post #23 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-20-2017, 10:35 PM
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Re: Wont accept people like that in my life

This is pretty easy from my point of view

"Sorry we wont be able to hang out with you two, I would just feel awkward around you him knowing what I know." NO judgement, just saying SHE feels awkward. Could even diffuse with a little by tossing in the "I get it, it's not AS awkward as watching a movie with you and your husband would be", laugh and walk away. Keep in mind, I joke about everything, to me it's all fair game, and lifes no fun sitting in an awkward situation and not laughing at it. I also wouldn't care what this person thought of me, not one single bit and responses like this are usually expected from me by anyone who knows me.
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post #24 of 24 (permalink) Old 02-21-2017, 05:25 AM
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Re: Wont accept people like that in my life

I think you need to be direct. As Tillaan said just say "It is just too awkward a scenario for us to be comfortable in". The problem with being coy is this coworker woman may never get it, if she's dense enough to broadcast she's cheating on her husband and expects others to be OK with that then she has a screw loose, she isn't going to read suttee hints. If she were to keep pushing after telling her "no it's awkward" then I wouldn't hesitate to be rude and tell her to back off.

But that's me.
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