Do You Ever Regret Your Decision? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 18 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 06:05 AM
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Cool Re: Do You Ever Regret Your Decision?

Originally Posted by 2ntnuf View Post
No. I couldn't touch my second ex today. She makes me nauseated, thinking that I ever had sex with her. I feel dirty and used.

She is a pig and worthless to anyone who has real love to give.

I wish I would never have met her. She is the lowest form of life I've ever known.

I regret the time I wasted with her. I could have done so much. I could have found real love. All I got was heartache and never ending pain.

Nearly six years later, I still have nightmares. I can't sleep the night through. I can't trust women enough to want to date them. I don't have a future. I have existence.

All of this because of being with her. Well, it was my choice to be with her. I made the mistake of my life.
Same here, 2-Man!

The only thing that I feel usurped over are the premarital dreams that we shared that we were a team and we're on top of the world, working to put the needs of others in the family first, and then the community!

Too bad, unbeknownst to me, that my RSWX fully lived up to the "community" credo, because she apparently "put the needs of others first" by fastidiously losing her drawers and spreading her thighs in the presence of other men!

After that very sad fact, I now feel like that, in her, I had married the lowest common denominator, but yet, I still yearn for the nobleness of what it was that we had come to plan together, not only for ourselves, but for others!

Moral of this story: You don't necessarily have to be poor or destitute to be a skank as they seem to thrive and abound in most all monetary stratifications!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #17 of 18 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 08:49 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Do You Ever Regret Your Decision?

Originally Posted by aine View Post
There aren't many WS on here and I guess this is a question for them.

I can understand if a marriage is in a bad place, e.g. no sex, constant fighting, lying etc where one or both partners may stray rather than deal with the elephant in the room.
However, that is the coward's approach and one that is usually orchestrated by persons with a chip on their shoulder, lack of self esteem, poor boundaries, a sense of entitlement, etc. I do believe that ones character will dictate whether one will cheat.
The character part on cheating I still question. Again I would use alcoholics, gamblers, drug addicts- though it isn't the only excuse "coping" does cause addictions and bad decisions. I know more than one alcoholic that I never dreamed would be an alcoholic that has lost their family. Do you really think they CHOSE to do that? If the drinking started because of poor coping and then the threat of loss of family deepened that issue it is easy for me to see it becomes a speeding treadmill you can't get off of. There are plenty of people in the world that are just plain jerks so cheating for them would be par for the course so they don't count in this discussion.

I know of at least 2 couples who have divorced where at least one of the partners of each would say they aren't better off. This is after admitting and owning that neither was a perfect marriage. One was constantly berated by her spouse and even though they acknowledge they didn't like that they wouldn't have divorced over it because of what they did like about the marriage.

I would say the nobody on here has said they regret it. It would be interesting to know what percent of TAM members have been cheated on and divorced. I gather most responding to this have been cheated on
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post #18 of 18 (permalink) Old 02-17-2017, 09:11 AM
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Re: Do You Ever Regret Your Decision?

I regret marrying her, but not divorcing her. Despite her bait and switch regarding sex (plenty before marriage, almost none after), we lasted about 24 years - in retrospect that was 23 years too long. Oh well! Anyway, infidelity wasn't a factor in divorcing her, but I am certain she had at least an EA not long before I left. I no longer cared what she did, as I was preparing to leave anyway.

I did everything possible to fix the relationship and preserve the marriage, but she did not respond to anything, and the things she did try were only to provide rationalizations for her behavior (confirmed by various therapists we tried). So, no regrets, only tremendous relief at leaving that toxic stew, which quickly turned to joy at having freedom and options once again.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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