Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife. - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #16 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 11:17 AM Thread Starter
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I know it's probably crazy of me to be dating so hard after nothing for so long, but I am new to this and don't really know what to expect or do in certain situations. I don't really know what I am looking for yet.

I have another bug bear though. Today when I drove past the family home, my ex wife's new boyfriend was there with his kids. He parked on my drive way and this got to me. It's like they are all playing happy families with my kids in my house..where do I stand here? Should I be concerned ir am I over reacting?

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post #17 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 11:57 AM
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Re: Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife.

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I know it's probably crazy of me to be dating so hard after nothing for so long, but I am new to this and don't really know what to expect or do in certain situations. I don't really know what I am looking for yet.

I have another bug bear though. Today when I drove past the family home, my ex wife's new boyfriend was there with his kids. He parked on my drive way and this got to me. It's like they are all playing happy families with my kids in my house..where do I stand here? Should I be concerned ir am I over reacting?
Out of your control. Nothing you can do. Ignore it and use this to take total control of your life.

Which in the past you have not been able to do.
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post #18 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 12:28 PM
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Re: Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife.

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Can I gently ask why you slept with her if you weren't attracted to her?
@joannacroc

It's a guy thing. Don't try to understand.
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post #19 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 12:40 PM
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Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife.

Why did you drive past the house? Is that the only way to your place?

Sell the ****ing house and that problem goes away.

Btw, I don't think you will sell the house because you still expect to get back with her.
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post #20 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 12:41 PM
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Re: Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife.

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@joannacroc

It's a guy thing. Don't try to understand.


From what he wrote she wanted it. He was being nice
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post #21 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-05-2017, 01:57 PM
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Re: Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife.

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I know it's probably crazy of me to be dating so hard after nothing for so long, but I am new to this and don't really know what to expect or do in certain situations. I don't really know what I am looking for yet.

I have another bug bear though. Today when I drove past the family home, my ex wife's new boyfriend was there with his kids. He parked on my drive way and this got to me. It's like they are all playing happy families with my kids in my house..where do I stand here? Should I be concerned ir am I over reacting?
it isn't crazy at all. In fact despite what some women claim, there are just as many woman out there doing the exact same thing. How else are you going to discover what you want if you don't experiment? Just be honest about what you want and where you are. Then it becomes their choice.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #22 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 02:47 PM Thread Starter
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Over the last week., I have become concerned that my ex never contacts me to tell me what the kids are doing. Even when I eventually have to ask..she tells me very little. She doesn't even encourage them to call me on the phone. She used to always tell me about them but this new guy has changed her in a big way. Is she purposely alienating the kids from me? Feel like she just wishes I would just disappear out of her life the way she treats me now.
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post #23 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 03:01 PM
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Re: Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife.

Great! Disappear from her life and move on with yours. About the kids....when you have your kids be the best dad you can, and when she has them enjoy being a free man. As long as you know she's taking proper care of them when they are in her custody you have nothing to worry about. If there isn't enough communication, then buy them a cell phone so they can call you whenever they want. I personally make sure my kids know that they are my top priority. I go to the parent-teacher conferences at their school, go to their various sports lessons/activities, chaperone school field trips, check their homework, help with science fair projects, take them to religious activities, and let them pick activities they want to do with me. It's not hard to be the better parent and if you are then the kids will naturally take it upon themselves to keep you involved in their lives and there will be nothing she can do about it.
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post #24 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 03:02 PM
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Re: Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife.

She is using the communication with your children to manipulate you. This is "black widow" mentality, even though she has the new guy, she needs to keep you tethered. Detach. Buy the kids their own phone to talk to you. Document everything that seems untoward and at a convenient time, take her back to court.

There was an old book I used when building my practice called "Winning through Intimidation". Slow, steady and quiet wins. Never let her see you coming.
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post #25 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 03:03 PM
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Re: Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife.

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Is she purposely alienating the kids from me? Feel like she just wishes I would just disappear out of her life the way she treats me now.
No doubt she's alienating. As a self proclaimed "expert" on Parental Alienation and having been a victim of it myself, I will answer your question with a simple statement.

Parental Alienation is a part of many, if not most, if not all divorces, however there are differences between "active" and "passive" alienators, which for all practical purposes really means how bad the aliening behavior really is. For your situation, it probably doesn't really matter whether she knows she's doing it or not, because there's not much if anything you can do to change her behavior. What you need to do is join the club of self proclaimed "Parental Alienation Experts" such as myself and develop strategies to deal with it. Looking back on how I did, I failed miserably. But it's not too late for you.

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post #26 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 04:43 PM Thread Starter
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The kids just tell me that mummy doesn't play with us anymore. I have since played harder with them and keep them as happy as I physically can! This weekend I'll have them..we sit on the floor together and we chat about what they are feeling and thinking..then we hit the scate park!

She wants to play hard ball. She even stated on whatsapp that if I don't toe the line and take "RESPONSIBILITY"for the girls...she will take me to court. All because I wouldn't take the kids one night when she wanted to see this guy!

When ever I ask her about why she doesn't keep me informed. She doesn't answer. If I ask how they are she just says fine. Although she will say that my youngest asks when she can see me...just to put another knife in me.
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post #27 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 04:49 PM
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Re: Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife.

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When ever I ask her about why she doesn't keep me informed. She doesn't answer. If I ask how they are she just says fine. Although she will say that my youngest asks when she can see me...just to put another knife in me.
Don't you see your youngest regularly?

I guess even every other weekend and once during the week (standard visitation) isn't all that often.. those in between days must really drag.
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post #28 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 04:51 PM
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Re: Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife.

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Originally Posted by joannacroc View Post
Can I gently ask why you slept with her if you weren't attracted to her? If you're honest with her about not wanting something serious, that's one thing, but if you're using her to get over your ex, that's not really fair on her. Especially being around a narcissist for so long, I'm sure you've discovered how hurtful it is when someone uses you to further their own agenda - your wife used you to prop up her self-esteem, and give her ego kibbles, don't use this woman. Don't let your ex turn you into someone you're not.
How is he using her? If he made it clear to her up front that he has no intentions of getting serious with her, how is he exploiting her? I doubt he had to slip a pill in her drink to get her to want to have sex with him.

Why do you women always jump to that conclusion?
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post #29 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-07-2017, 04:53 PM
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Re: Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife.

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Originally Posted by Andy101 View Post
The kids just tell me that mummy doesn't play with us anymore. I have since played harder with them and keep them as happy as I physically can! This weekend I'll have them..we sit on the floor together and we chat about what they are feeling and thinking..then we hit the scate park!

She wants to play hard ball. She even stated on whatsapp that if I don't toe the line and take "RESPONSIBILITY"for the girls...she will take me to court. All because I wouldn't take the kids one night when she wanted to see this guy!

When ever I ask her about why she doesn't keep me informed. She doesn't answer. If I ask how they are she just says fine. Although she will say that my youngest asks when she can see me...just to put another knife in me.
Tell her that you are not under any court order or legal obligation to take the kids beyond what is specified in the custody agreement.
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post #30 of 65 (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 07:42 AM
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Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife.

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Tell her that you are not under any court order or legal obligation to take the kids beyond what is specified in the custody agreement.


This is a fuzzy area Andy never clarified. He is in UK.


Andy, what is the legal custody and visitation as per the divorce decree? Or is it still totally up to your ex?

What is the status of selling the house?

How was date #2?

As the others asked, why do you continue to talk to her?

Don't ask her what the girls did. She will not give you any answer you want. Ask the girls when you see them.

You know how your ex is and what she will do. You need to set a path forward based on what you can control, not what your ex allows.

Sell the house Andy.
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