Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife. - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #61 of 71 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 04:06 PM Thread Starter
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Another low day for me. Realisation that my kids are with another man. I know it happens to thousands of people but it's hard to take. Feels like yesterday that we split up still. In a way I miss family life. It was better than this. Just wondering if I have been too nice to her and people in general. I seem to get burned very easily just by being kind.

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post #62 of 71 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 05:51 PM
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Re: Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife.

I know how you feel. You have got to work on rebuilding your life so you are happy again. When you're happy, it won't hurt so much.
My ex wife's new h is very wealthy although he's never worked. Gets to take my kids on all kinds of trips I could never afford. It happens.
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post #63 of 71 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 10:10 PM
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Re: Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife.

What I did was attend therapy weekly for about six months. I can't begin to explain what I got out of it. I learned so much about myself, the relationship, and about how to react to certain of her behaviors. Therapy helped me come away content, adjusted, and at peace. If I should enter another relationship I firmly believe it will be baggage free. It's important she doesn't pay for anyone's past sins.

The best gift I can give to my future is to be emotionally healthy and over the last relationship.

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post #64 of 71 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 07:42 PM
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Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife.

Here is what I will say. My ex is engaged to this terrible hag. She is so mean to my sweet sensitive kids. They say nothing to dad about her being mean because they want him to be happy. My kids are 7 &8. They love their daddy. He's a loser. They love him just because he's their dad. This guy will never be able to replace you. No matter how much money he has or how nice he is. You're their dad and he can't be you. Be the best you can be and be there for them. I'm not implying you are a loser. Just using my ex as an example.


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post #65 of 71 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 08:33 AM
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Re: Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife.

Yes, there are people who view kindness as weakness and try to take advantage. That's just unfortunately life.
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post #66 of 71 (permalink) Old 05-06-2017, 05:12 PM Thread Starter
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Hi all..
Well I'm moving on as my thread states but with that, I'm starting to reflect and remember the good times before we actually got married. The feelings I had when we first met and the amazing time we had in Vegas and the road trip around the US...it was all so perfect. We were in love and looking back, it really hurts and I am trying to figure out what went wrong and when.
Her relationship ended recently with the new guy..it appears he was a manipulating control freak and was making her shut me out. We seem to get on ok now but she has said that we will never date again but will always be good friends. For the kids sake if nothing more.
I have been seeing a lady that lives an hour from me. She has a kind heart and is more on my level that my ex. My guard is firmly up though as I've been beaten enough for one life time. Not sure if there is any future in it but I'm having fun being on neutral ground with no expectations or judgement. I am just processing the past buy am much stronger than I was a year ago. I never thought I would say that!
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post #67 of 71 (permalink) Old 05-08-2017, 09:00 AM
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Re: Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife.

Why do you have to "always be good friends"?

Seriously, man -- cut this ***** out of your life to the absolute furthest degree possible. Discuss NOTHING that doesn't directly impact your children.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #68 of 71 (permalink) Old 05-08-2017, 10:08 AM
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Re: Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife.

My ex and I arent friends. We are very civil and cooperative when it comes to the kids, but our personal business is personal.
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post #69 of 71 (permalink) Old 05-27-2017, 03:27 PM Thread Starter
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I'm realising now that informing my ex about my dating has been a bad idea. She now throws it in my face saying that I would rather be dating all these "hookers" than seeing the children! There was a situation where she wanted me to pick up our eldest daughter from a club. It wasn't my evening to be with them and I had a date with a woman I have been seeing for a while. I told the ex to deal with it as I had booked plans with this woman. She started saying that I wasn't interested in being a good father as I hardly see the children! I stick to our agreed times and I offer to take them out but get told to stick to routines...I cannot win and now I feel guilty because I don't drop everything if I get called upon to help with the kids. I thought we were getting along fine but as sion as I don't tow the line I get silent treatment and made to feel bad. She then goes to her family to play the hard done by victim and bad mouth me. She has since her last boyfriend, stopped dating so now tells me that I am immoral for seeing other women and that they are meaningless encounters. Basically minimising anything I do in my private life as if it were bad. Just want to have some kind of life of my own. Am I wrong here? Should I attend any request to do with the kids?
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post #70 of 71 (permalink) Old 05-27-2017, 03:38 PM
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Re: Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife.

You need to read "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty."

https://www.amazon.com/When-Say-No-F.../dp/B004IK8Q22


"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #71 of 71 (permalink) Old 05-27-2017, 03:48 PM
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Re: Moving after divorce with a manipulative ex wife.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy101 View Post
I'm realising now that informing my ex about my dating has been a bad idea. She now throws it in my face saying that I would rather be dating all these "hookers" than seeing the children! There was a situation where she wanted me to pick up our eldest daughter from a club. It wasn't my evening to be with them and I had a date with a woman I have been seeing for a while. I told the ex to deal with it as I had booked plans with this woman. She started saying that I wasn't interested in being a good father as I hardly see the children! I stick to our agreed times and I offer to take them out but get told to stick to routines...I cannot win and now I feel guilty because I don't drop everything if I get called upon to help with the kids. I thought we were getting along fine but as sion as I don't tow the line I get silent treatment and made to feel bad. She then goes to her family to play the hard done by victim and bad mouth me. She has since her last boyfriend, stopped dating so now tells me that I am immoral for seeing other women and that they are meaningless encounters. Basically minimising anything I do in my private life as if it were bad. Just want to have some kind of life of my own. Am I wrong here? Should I attend any request to do with the kids?
Good god man. She went her way you go yours. That's how it works. You must love laying in the victim chair. You've never gotten out of it.

Hard 180. You talk too much and she's not your friend.

She can filet you fifty different ways and no one cares but you should.

You really want a life then go out and get one. You've had more than enough good avice to know what to do. Lack of execution is on you.
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