Re: Falling "IN LOVE" again
I've read this thread too long and I'm seeing a lot of issues. People are using imprecise language to describe the emotions they feel. I saw LOVE, commitment, and secure. The one I keep looking for is Vulnerable. In a way I see Hoosiers girl saying I Can't be Secure with you because you aren't vulnerable to me.
I'm sure it is more complicated than that and I do tend to focus on power in the relationship. Here are my thoughts on vulnerability. No relationship is without risk. Even you already admit that if this relationship ends you will be hurt. FIP is dancing around the difference between inter-dependency and codependency, which is really A healthy level of dependency vs. an unhealthy level of dependency. What you need to realize is that your wall is not effectively protecting you from dependence. And it really can't. You will always be dependent on something.
I have a friend who is a self proclaimed Hermit. How can that statement be true? how can he be a Hermit, and have a friend? But he has many friends. Most of us see him on his terms, we don't visit him at his house. We don't pop in unexpectedly. But even with his self imposed distance he relies on other people. He gets happiness (quite a bit of it to judge by his demeanor) out of his interactions with groups of people. We all know that he could survive without us, but we remain friendly with him because we are rewarded emotionally for being around him.
I do think a healthy relationship can be built with a limited amount of mutual dependence. Probably not with this particular woman.