Re: Falling "IN LOVE" again
I didn't read the whole thread. I read a few posts on the first page, along with the opening post. I think it is pretty normal for those who have been hurt badly to be this way. We can't go back to loving the way we used to do. Even my therapist told me that we love everyone differently.
So, I think the blinders have come off. You have grown up and are less able to live in denial. I call it denial because I truly think it is. When we love that hard, that we can't think of anything else, or we hurt inside when we are not with the person, it is a belief that we have in things which are not real.
We love someone who is not real. In reality, the person we love is not the person in our mind. We have made up or filled in the blanks and believe our own dreams whole-heartedly. We place that person on a pedestal and they become more than they ever were.
I think it's dangerous in a few ways. One way is they can never live up to the person we love in our mind. We think they are that person, but they will soon realize they are not the one loved and will feel disconnected, rejected, and never enough for us. They will come to believe we don't love them at all.
I think we set ourselves up to rug sweep and become a doormat when we feel this type of obsessive love. I think we will cater to them in ways they will find cause them to lose respect for us. I think we will cater because we subconsciously want them to live up to that woman we love in our mind.
I think it is best to love the woman for who she is in real life. Be dissatisfied with who she is in real life and work through those feelings with her. Allow her to be dissatisfied with us and work through those issues. Do all of those things in real time with compassion, healthy communication and loving compromise, and you will love each other for the imperfect humans you are, not those dreams in your head.
The other thing that bothers me a little is, I feel like a woman who says these things wants the ability to control you by your emotions. That frightens me because I can be controlled by my love, guilt, fears, and desire for joy. I think you need to have a talk with someone knowledgeable in these ideas and with your girlfriend, love interest, etc.
I don't want to be controlled. I doubt you do. I don't know any woman who wants to be controlled.
Random thoughts on this. I don't mean for them to cause you issues. They are just what came up for me when I read your opening post.
"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson
"And this, too, shall pass away."