What To Look Forward To? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #31 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 02:38 AM
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Re: What To Look Forward To?

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@sokillme I have done this and continue to do it. Volunteer at free medical clinics, etc. I have done that since medical school, decades ago.

I'm curious, as it doesn't seem like you've read my thread. Why do you not think I do that already; that it would be a huge new concept to "give it away"? Do you think I am selfish enough that I don't know what volunteering is, or have ever tried it?

Most physicians do, because they want to help and that is the driving force that led them to the career choice.

And how do you know that my outlook would change dramatically?

Do you think this thread is about me trying to be selfish? Because that's how I read your post.

Also, I'm curious what YOU do to "give it away" and help people. It's not just restricted to physicians, you know. What do YOU do on a regular basis to give it away?
It was not a judgement on you, I just know that when you are depressed as it sounds like you are, or at least stuck, helping others is the quickest way to start to feel better. Getting out from under yourself so to speak. My point was to switch your focus away from your pain and on to others. In the process you may meet people you never knew were out there.

Just an idea.

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post #32 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 09:05 AM
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Re: What To Look Forward To?

Hope I have written and deleted this post several times because I keep comparing what I think are similarities between what we are feeling at this point in our life and not offering an answer to your question of "how to motivate". I am very much in the same position as you, right now my life is a "been there done that" existence and I keep trying to figure out what's next.

Many of the answers on this thread say learn to enjoy the peace in your life, I get that and have learned to relax, but sometimes I want and need stimulation to drive me.

So Hope you are not alone, take comfort in living a life well and having accomplished enough to be at a point where you have the time and money to do as you please. There's thousands of ways to keep yourself busy, when you get bored with relaxing my guess is you will find something to do.
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post #33 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 09:25 AM Thread Starter
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Re: What To Look Forward To?

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It was not a judgement on you, I just know that when you are depressed as it sounds like you are, or at least stuck, helping others is the quickest way to start to feel better. Getting out from under yourself so to speak. My point was to switch your focus away from your pain and on to others. In the process you may meet people you never knew were out there.

Just an idea.
I'm sorry if it seemed like I jumped on you. It's just that there is this somewhat universal idea, especially for people in my line of work, that volunteering will be extremely personally fulfilling.

That used to be very true. Things have changed over the years, though. In my local area, which is one of the worst areas for health and wellness in the country (this state ranks dead last, in fact), I have worked at the free medical clinic. You would think it would be rewarding. The fact is that there has evolved this sense of entitlement and lack of interest or motivation for people to do anything to help themselves. So the vast majority of people that come there are heavy smokers and drinkers, weigh over 300 pounds, are sedentary, and basically expect someone to give them a miraculous "fix". They don't want to do anything to help themselves and are scornful when you try to encourage that. They actually expect that everyone will be accommodating of them and get upset if things don't go exactly their way. Then you see them later that day at Kroger buying cigarettes.

I have a colleague that just stopped volunteering for this reason; she said "Why am I taking my time away from the kids for this?" Physicians all over are getting discouraged with this and other aspects of health care and are leaving for other careers in flocks.

Anyway, so it isn't a sure fix. But third world volunteering would be a totally different experience. I would like to try it. Thanks for your response.

Don't let people become a priority in your life when you're just an option in theirs.
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post #34 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 09:27 AM Thread Starter
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Re: What To Look Forward To?

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Hope I have written and deleted this post several times because I keep comparing what I think are similarities between what we are feeling at this point in our life and not offering an answer to your question of "how to motivate". I am very much in the same position as you, right now my life is a "been there done that" existence and I keep trying to figure out what's next.

Many of the answers on this thread say learn to enjoy the peace in your life, I get that and have learned to relax, but sometimes I want and need stimulation to drive me.

So Hope you are not alone, take comfort in living a life well and having accomplished enough to be at a point where you have the time and money to do as you please. There's thousands of ways to keep yourself busy, when you get bored with relaxing my guess is you will find something to do.
I hear you. I don't know if there is an answer. Like you, although I need to "stop and smell the roses" I tend to get restless if things aren't motivating and stimulating.

Thanks for the encouraging words! I hope you find your path too.

Don't let people become a priority in your life when you're just an option in theirs.
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post #35 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 09:37 AM
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Re: What To Look Forward To?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope Shimmers View Post
I'm sorry if it seemed like I jumped on you. It's just that there is this somewhat universal idea, especially for people in my line of work, that volunteering will be extremely personally fulfilling.

That used to be very true. Things have changed over the years, though. In my local area, which is one of the worst areas for health and wellness in the country (this state ranks dead last, in fact), I have worked at the free medical clinic. You would think it would be rewarding. The fact is that there has evolved this sense of entitlement and lack of interest or motivation for people to do anything to help themselves. So the vast majority of people that come there are heavy smokers and drinkers, weigh over 300 pounds, are sedentary, and basically expect someone to give them a miraculous "fix". They don't want to do anything to help themselves and are scornful when you try to encourage that. They actually expect that everyone will be accommodating of them and get upset if things don't go exactly their way. Then you see them later that day at Kroger buying cigarettes.

I have a colleague that just stopped volunteering for this reason; she said "Why am I taking my time away from the kids for this?" Physicians all over are getting discouraged with this and other aspects of health care and are leaving for other careers in flocks.

Anyway, so it isn't a sure fix. But third world volunteering would be a totally different experience. I would like to try it. Thanks for your response.
Amazing isn't it?

The same people who bemoan their financial situation seem to have plenty of money for lots of fast food, alcohol, and cigarettes.

I can imagine that would be very frustrating for you.

Have you thought about leaving your area? Is that doable for you?
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post #36 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 09:41 AM
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Re: What To Look Forward To?

Doctor in a cruise ship... I think it's short term 6 or 9 month contracts, pay is ok, but it's an adventure.
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post #37 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 09:45 AM Thread Starter
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Re: What To Look Forward To?

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Amazing isn't it?

The same people who bemoan their financial situation seem to have plenty of money for lots of fast food, alcohol, and cigarettes.

I can imagine that would be very frustrating for you.

Have you thought about leaving your area? Is that doable for you?
Not until my daughter graduates from high school in 2 years, but as soon as that happens I will be out of here so fast there will be skid marks.

Don't let people become a priority in your life when you're just an option in theirs.
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post #38 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 09:46 AM Thread Starter
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Re: What To Look Forward To?

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Doctor in a cruise ship... I think it's short term 6 or 9 month contracts, pay is ok, but it's an adventure.
Sounds like fun, actually. I have custody of a 16 year old though.

Don't let people become a priority in your life when you're just an option in theirs.
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post #39 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 10:35 AM
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Re: What To Look Forward To?

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Amazing isn't it?

The same people who bemoan their financial situation seem to have plenty of money for lots of fast food, alcohol, and cigarettes.

I can imagine that would be very frustrating for you.

Have you thought about leaving your area? Is that doable for you?
You forgot about tattoos!
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post #40 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 03:17 PM
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Re: What To Look Forward To?

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You forgot about tattoos!
My bad.....Hope only mentioned obesity, drinking, and smoking so I didn't take any liberties.

Besides, they may be doing each others' tattoos

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post #41 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-14-2017, 09:22 PM Thread Starter
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Re: What To Look Forward To?

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My bad.....Hope only mentioned obesity, drinking, and smoking so I didn't take any liberties.

Besides, they may be doing each others' tattoos
I HATE tattoos.

I just booked a vacation to Saint Lucia, Caribbean. With my sister, who at 38 and 12 years of marriage is just dealing with her husband walking out on her to be with a OW. Screw him. Screw my guy who lied to me and cheated and then projected it on me.

Girls' vacation. Wonder what the men there look like?

Yes at 52 it will be bikini time. And love love LOVE to snorkel and scuba dive.

So something to look forward to.

Don't let people become a priority in your life when you're just an option in theirs.
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post #42 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 05:42 AM
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Re: What To Look Forward To?

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I HATE tattoos.

I just booked a vacation to Saint Lucia, Caribbean. With my sister, who at 38 and 12 years of marriage is just dealing with her husband walking out on her to be with a OW. Screw him. Screw my guy who lied to me and cheated and then projected it on me.

Girls' vacation. Wonder what the men there look like?

Yes at 52 it will be bikini time. And love love LOVE to snorkel and scuba dive.

So something to look forward to.

Bikini time! Hot damn, be sure to share some pictures with your TAM friends

I think you solved your initial question, "what to look forward to?" You look forward to making your own plans. Maybe it's that simple, you just start making more plans.
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post #43 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 09:01 AM
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Re: What To Look Forward To?

Hey @Hope Shimmers I assume you already know some doctors who have done volunteer work in the developing world. If not, do you want me to put you in touch with my friend who has done it, so you can get a little more info/first person perspective? I'm sure he would be happy to talk to you.

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~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #44 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 02:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: What To Look Forward To?

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Bikini time! Hot damn, be sure to share some pictures with your TAM friends

I think you solved your initial question, "what to look forward to?" You look forward to making your own plans. Maybe it's that simple, you just start making more plans.
Ha, we will see about the pictures! Maybe LOL

Thank you!

Don't let people become a priority in your life when you're just an option in theirs.
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post #45 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 02:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: What To Look Forward To?

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Originally Posted by FeministInPink View Post
Hey @Hope Shimmers I assume you already know some doctors who have done volunteer work in the developing world. If not, do you want me to put you in touch with my friend who has done it, so you can get a little more info/first person perspective? I'm sure he would be happy to talk to you.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Hey FIP, thank you for the offer. I may take you up on that if I can't get in touch with a couple of my classmates who I know have worked with Doctors Without Borders. Appreciate it!

Don't let people become a priority in your life when you're just an option in theirs.
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