Life events in your ex's family (but still yours, too...) - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 38 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 08:47 PM
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Re: Life events in your ex's family (but still yours, too...)

No matter what happens, you will be okay.

Okay?


"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #32 of 38 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 09:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Life events in your ex's family (but still yours, too...)

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No matter what happens, you will be okay.

Okay?
You know what? I will be. I know that.


I just told my son over dinner that I while I usually miss having him around, I hadn't realized how much I needed to spend some time with him. We have spent a good deal of time together since he got to town yesterday, and it has been so nice. He understands me more than I give him credit for, and decompressing over the loss of Grandpa together has been healing for us both. He knows full well how much I have lost in the divorce. He knows how much I love that family. And while we never discuss her, I think he also knows more about the OW than he lets on.

Being at the visitation together, and leaving together, will be good for both of us. He won't let me be alone.
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post #33 of 38 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 10:08 PM
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Re: Life events in your ex's family (but still yours, too...)

He sounds like a good young man.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #34 of 38 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 08:54 AM
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Re: Life events in your ex's family (but still yours, too...)

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Update: It looks like I won't be there long. My son is home from college and needs to get back for classes resuming. He and I will probably do the visitation the day before - just for the first hour or so, then I will drive him to where he can catch a ride back to school. Mutually beneficial and low pressure (for my son, too; he really dislikes stuff like this).

So it shouldn't be too bad. I think.

I still hope the OW has the brains to stay far, far away from me, though.
This is what I would have done anyway, just go to the service, sit well away from your ex and OW and go after the service ends. There shouldn't be any need for you to have contact with them if you do this.
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post #35 of 38 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 08:32 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Life events in your ex's family (but still yours, too...)

The visitation was yesterday. My son had to get back to college, so he went early with his dad and had some family time before things started. I got there, went through the line, and my son and I left after about a half hour. With the exception of my stepdaughter, everyone was very loving and kind and seemed genuinely happy that I was there. My sd said hello and acknowledged me, but that was it. The OW was there, but was wise enough to keep her distance from me. One person did ask me very kindly if it was awkward for me to be there. I thanked her for asking, looked around the room a little, and said no... not at all. I said they would always be my family.

I had a moment to spend with Grandpa, and was so grateful I went so that I could say goodbye to him.

The funeral is today. While I would have preferred to have been at that, I feel that yesterday went well. Most importantly, everyone was truly celebrating the peaceful end for a genuinely good man.
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post #36 of 38 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:02 AM
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Re: Life events in your ex's family (but still yours, too...)

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The visitation was yesterday. My son had to get back to college, so he went early with his dad and had some family time before things started. I got there, went through the line, and my son and I left after about a half hour. With the exception of my stepdaughter, everyone was very loving and kind and seemed genuinely happy that I was there. My sd said hello and acknowledged me, but that was it. The OW was there, but was wise enough to keep her distance from me. One person did ask me very kindly if it was awkward for me to be there. I thanked her for asking, looked around the room a little, and said no... not at all. I said they would always be my family.

I had a moment to spend with Grandpa, and was so grateful I went so that I could say goodbye to him.

The funeral is today. While I would have preferred to have been at that, I feel that yesterday went well. Most importantly, everyone was truly celebrating the peaceful end for a genuinely good man.
I am so glad it went well.

We don't do the visitation thing in the UK where I live, is that common there?
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post #37 of 38 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:40 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Life events in your ex's family (but still yours, too...)

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I am so glad it went well.

We don't do the visitation thing in the UK where I live, is that common there?
Thanks.

Yes, it is common practice. Sometimes it takes place right before the funeral, but it is often the day prior. Just a few hours to allow people to come through and pay their respects to the family personally.
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post #38 of 38 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 12:25 PM
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Re: Life events in your ex's family (but still yours, too...)

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Thanks.

Yes, it is common practice. Sometimes it takes place right before the funeral, but it is often the day prior. Just a few hours to allow people to come through and pay their respects to the family personally.
Oh OK. I don't think that is common here.

Hope the funeral goes well.
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