Tired of taking the high ground - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 07:07 AM Thread Starter
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Tired of taking the high ground

My ex and I split Oct 2014 after just over 13 years but knew each other since 1992. We have 3 children 2003, 05, 07. We had an unusual start to our lives together. We met at a prom where I was with another girl and she was a 15 year old server. When I got her number I was extremely drunk. I told my friends the next day I had met this hot girl and the quickly reminded me she was too young. I tossed her number away and forgot about her. A couple of months later she had gone through the phone book calling all the numbers in our town on my street. I carried on a phone relationship with her for a year after that. She went away for school and came back for the following summer. I started talking to her again and she became "the other girl". She was never officially my girlfriend. This went on for years till she finished school and moved back for a job. I was at the tail end of my 20's and many friends were dating steady and or married. So I asked her to move in with me. We went through many fights about how I should behave. No more partying. She moved out and in order for me to come with her I had to leave my place I shared with roommates. I had no steady job, my roommates were moving on too, so I went with her.
We saw councillors because of my need to keep partying. They told us that it's simple you know what she wants you don't have to give it to her you can move on. I conceded and gave up that lifestyle because I had no place left to go. Did I mention that I was only attracted to her sexually when I was drunk. Flash forward and things were rocky but we were making a go of it and I had proposed bought a house that was being built. After our wedding she took up hang gliding as a hobby. She also had an opportunity to travel by moving truck accross Canada with a friend moving out west and fly back. I said go enjoy yourself thinking how much partying I was going to be able to do. When she returned it was time to pack and it was discovered she had slept with the guy she traveled with and also was falling for her hang gliding instructor as well. We left our apartment and moved in with our respective parents. Our marriage was over, our house was delayed. Forward to Oct 31st the day our house closed. We had to move in and signed a clause we couldn't sell for 6 months. In that time we reconciled in Dec and things were going ok. I wasn't as repulsed by her looks we started having babies. Things looked like they were going ok. Our bedroom was never on fire but it was ok for me anyhow. We had our three kids and she was a stay at home mom. And I worked from home. We were together all day everyday. On the surface we had it all. Both of us went to kids events all the time we were a family many envied. I grew to truly love her and grew more sexually attracted to her. Things seemed good from my view.
My father died in 2010 and I slipped into depression. I stopped sleeping full nights in our bed, gainded weight was a mess. She was unhappy and pleaded with me to fix myself but on the surface to friends and family we were solid. In 2013 I was found to have a problem with my heart valve. In Sept 2014 I went in for scheduled open heart surgery to repair the problem. A little over a month later she had met someone and was spending time with him. It came to blows mid Oct 2014 and we split. I was deviated about her breaking our family.
Forward to now I'm still struggling with things. I'm over her but still bitter over what she did. I resent her for taking my kids away from me 50% of the time. She is very angry at me as well making our coparenting difficult. My biggest struggle is that she takes countless trips to tropical destinations leaving me to pay all the additional things for the kids. Health insurance extra sports living in the school district paying very high rent she does split small things like pizza days at school. She gets to travel with and without the kids while I pick up the tab. I just don't think it's fair. Our agreement has no money going either way for child or spousal. I'm in a position to claim some child support from her. It would help me greatly as I don't make the money I used to make. I hate this tit for tat battle we have over things. I've taken the high road many times only to be screwed over. There is so much more but I see how much I've typed and feel like I'm a bleeding heart. Thanks for reading.

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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 07:51 AM
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Re: Tired of taking the high ground

Are you guys divorced? If so, are you JUST paying for exactly what the agreement states?

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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 08:10 AM
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Re: Tired of taking the high ground

OP, per your post there is no agreement to pay spousal or child support. If you are paying these things, funding her tropical trips etc, then that is on you.

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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 08:25 AM
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Re: Tired of taking the high ground

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Originally Posted by tropicalbeachiwish View Post
Are you guys divorced? If so, are you JUST paying for exactly what the agreement states?
OP states there is no support being paid either way but he feels he is entitled to support based on him not making the money that he did earlier.

OP your statement about being repulsed by her looks and only being attracted to her when drunk is absolutely terrible. Bless you for being honest on here but wow that had to be devastating for her, I don't think you can hide being repulsed by someone. And then saying things were OK because you "weren't as repulsed by her looks", good gosh man. And then having babies? Why?

Honestly I don't have advise, it sounds like a screwed up marriage from the start and both of you kept making it worse. You reap what you sow. If you think you're being cheated or taken advantage of go to court and plead your case. Keep in mind at this point the courts don't care one lick about you and your ex, but they will rule what's in the best interest of the children.

Last edited by Cooper; 03-31-2017 at 10:11 AM.
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