how does one find someone new? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #31 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 09:03 AM
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Re: how does one find someone new?

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Originally Posted by notmyrealname4 View Post
I'm sorry to hear that.

Are the women requesting 5'10" or more, because they are perhaps at least 5'9" or so themselves? That might explain it.

If a woman is between 5'0" and 5'8"; [which is probably about 90% of the female population], I don't see the rationale for insisting on a man who is much taller than average.
Not necessarily 5'9"+, often they are shorter or do not cite their height. Oftentimes the rationale is "I love wearing heels"; sometimes no rationale is cited. Which is fine: an up-front disclosure of preferences is an honest step. It may be a necessary feature to trigger attraction, perhaps akin to some men preferring a certain race?

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post #32 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 09:53 AM
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Re: how does one find someone new?

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Originally Posted by notmyrealname4 View Post
I'm sorry to hear that.

Are the women requesting 5'10" or more, because they are perhaps at least 5'9" or so themselves? That might explain it.

If a woman is between 5'0" and 5'8"; [which is probably about 90% of the female population], I don't see the rationale for insisting on a man who is much taller than average.
I am 5ft 4 1/2" and while I wouldn't stipulate height in a dating profile, I do like a man to be taller than me. My husband is 6ft and its a nice height difference. However I think its foolish not to even consider a man who is shorter than you may think you want. You may be missing out on a great guy.
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post #33 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 09:57 AM
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Re: how does one find someone new?

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Originally Posted by GuyInColorado View Post
You'll be fine!! Get on POF.com and have fun. You'll find lots of good looking (some a little crazy) women on there that just want sex, some that want to date but not be serious, and some looking for marriage. And it's free!

If you aren't already, hit the gym 5x a week. Get in the best shape of your life. Not just to make yourself more attracted to women (which it will), but more importantly to get healthy and have confidence. Hit the weights the hard, lift heavy. Be very light with the cardio, focus on muscle growth. Eat and drink very healthy, this is key. Do this for a couple months and you'll feel great about your future.
Having been on different sites when I was looking for a guy, I would always tell people not to even think of going on a free site. Far too many scammers and time wasters. IF you want a woman/man who is serious, find a site where people have to pay.
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post #34 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 12:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: how does one find someone new?

I can totally understand that everyone has a type. I certainly do. I want to go through the process of first feeling empowered. And I think no woman can give me that. I have to have it for myself. it sounds like a cliche.

But I was thinking about this morning, I have not been single in about 16 years. More or less my entire adult life, I have sheltered my insecurities in the comfort of my relationships. and overtime it becomes an issue.

I do want to find someone eventually, but by then I want to really be proud of who I am. Baby steps for now.
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post #35 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 03:09 PM
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Re: how does one find someone new?

Duplicate post.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #36 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 03:11 PM
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Re: how does one find someone new?

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Originally Posted by need_help_to_recover View Post
for disclosure, I am at three months into my separation. And our divorce is probably a year or so out.
This will be a problem for many women. You are asking them to take on a lot of drama and heated emotions with a relatively new guy.

They will want to be sure you are over your prior relationship and this will be VERY difficult to prove when you're in the middle of a divorce.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #37 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 05:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: how does one find someone new?

Makes sense. I guess, I am going to be fairly alone for a fairly long time.. better get busy with something or the other.


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Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
This will be a problem for many women. You are asking them to take on a lot of drama and heated emotions with a relatively new guy.

They will want to be sure you are over your prior relationship and this will be VERY difficult to prove when you're in the middle of a divorce.
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post #38 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 05:04 PM
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Re: how does one find someone new?

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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
However I think its foolish not to even consider a man who is shorter than you may think you want. You may be missing out on a great guy.
Hundreds of profiles I've read suggest your noble advice is falling on deaf ears
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post #39 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 05:34 PM
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Re: how does one find someone new?

be yourself find something your passionate about and when you least expect it someone will pop up.

good luck
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post #40 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 04:26 AM
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Re: how does one find someone new?

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Originally Posted by moco82 View Post
Hundreds of profiles I've read suggest your noble advice is falling on deaf ears
I was only on Christian dating sites and I dont remember any specific height requests.

I guess it depends on the height of the lady. If she is under 5ft 3in say, she may not be so worried about being with a man who is 5ft 6in. If she is 5ft 8 ins then she will probably like a man who is at least 5ft 10in or taller.

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post #41 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 02:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: how does one find someone new?

it is quite interesting that I am opening up to the idea of being excited by new things.. It makes my day a bit brighter. I am now thinking about a motorbike
I have for 10 years meticulously saved money to secure the future of my family. Now I feel too much time has passed me by. I am going to try and live a little. Like some of you have said, I will be at my best if and when I find my passion(s). The rest is luck and serendipity.
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post #42 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-22-2017, 08:52 AM
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Re: how does one find someone new?

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it is quite interesting that I am opening up to the idea of being excited by new things.. It makes my day a bit brighter. I am now thinking about a motorbike
I have for 10 years meticulously saved money to secure the future of my family. Now I feel too much time has passed me by. I am going to try and live a little. Like some of you have said, I will be at my best if and when I find my passion(s). The rest is luck and serendipity.
I don't know about you. But I was devastated by my divorce. My entire life was blown apart. Everything I had thought I stood for was gone. I felt as though I had fallen into an abyss and I was flailing in every direction. Trying desperately to find something, anything to grab ahold of. Sometimes I found something, a new friend or a new hobby. But I always felt the handhold give and the plunge continued. That continued for over a year.
Now, almost three years removed from my divorce, I never imagined that I would get back to a point in my life that I would look forward to opening my eyes in the morning in anticipation of the new day. But I have. I realize every day is a new adventure. A new opportunity to learn, to grow, to have fun, to be better.
I still have moments. But now I realize that I have a lot to offer anyone who wants to join me, even if just for part of my journey. And I have new attitude, that if you aren't interested, no hard feelings. It will be their loss, not mine. I am going to travel to wherever I am going with or without them. I intend to make my trip as enjoyable as possible. I will be sorry they can't or won't be joining me, but I won't be devastated any more.

PS - stop thinking about getting a bike and just get one. If you find it isn't for you. You can always get rid of it. OTOH you might find a new passion. I started riding about two years ago. I had to convince myself to invest in me for a change. Now I am planning a week or two trip to the upper great plains this summer. Just me and my bike.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #43 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-22-2017, 09:16 AM
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Re: how does one find someone new?

I can sympathize. Having a young kid makes it tough - I was in your shoes a few months ago. Making time to date and for a social life in general is challenging when you have a young kid but it's doable.

About the height thing - I was not overweight really, athletic, but chubby body type. I did online dating and was pretty blunt about my appearance. I posted recent photos, including a full body one so viewers could see what I looked like in real life. I sometimes think men view a woman being chubby the same way women view men being short, but that may be stretching. Some men were fine dating me chubby and even seemed to be attracted to me, which was a welcome relief after a marriage in which I felt unattractive to my husband. Some weren't fine with dating me and I could see they weren't attracted to me, so we didn't see each other anymore. Some I wasn't fine with dating. I feel you'll find the same thing. Some women will be attractive to you. Some won't. Some will be attracted to you. Some won't. I wouldn't let it intimidate you. Just be honest about it if you end up doing OLD. There's a lid for every pot

Can I suggest before you get out there and start dating, that you spend some time getting comfortable with who you are and figuring out who that person is? When you're newly separated, you may have a hard time remembering who you are as a person. Get out there and try some new hobbies. Stay active. Meet new people, not necessarily in a romantic context. Try new things. Maybe even some things that scare you. You may hate some of them. Some of them you'll love. When your world has been upended, it's surprising the sides of yourself that are dormant, just waiting to be discovered. Enjoy the journey.
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post #44 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-23-2017, 09:45 PM
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Re: how does one find someone new?

Hey there,

So I tried to get into the dating game to early. Met a wonderful human being but my husband started creating all sorts of drama and he ruined it. Still friends with the guy but you know... could have had something else.

Point is, I jumped the gun. You shouldn't do that. Take this time to relax, sort out the divorce stuff, do some self reflection, etc. And I'm not saying change your looks or anything like that, but do things that make you feel good and that will help. Whether that's exercise, yoga, or eating better. Get out and do things, go to shows, go for walks, hang out with friends you may have neglected during the marriage. And above all just breathe.

As far as that other stuff is concerned, you'll find someone who will like you for you. Sure, there will always be people with their preferences but not everything is a deal breaker for everyone. My sister is married to a man who is only 5'5. He's nice, cute, and funny. Who cares about his height! And I'm white and have dated Asian men. Everyone is different
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post #45 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-24-2017, 12:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: how does one find someone new?

I am where you were. Devastated, in free fall, and desperate. All my anger and disappointment , I am channelling to focus on rebuilding.

Step 1: Mountain Bike.
Step 2: Climbing Shasta in early June.

I am trying not to think about the negatives. Just going headlong into my passions, forsaken and new alike. I want to be that man, who is ok standing on his own... I am far from it now. But I want to get there, and I will.

thanks for sharing your initial period of struggle with me. Its emasculating for me to feel that way, and its comforting to know others have been there before me.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Ynot View Post
I don't know about you. But I was devastated by my divorce. My entire life was blown apart. Everything I had thought I stood for was gone. I felt as though I had fallen into an abyss and I was flailing in every direction. Trying desperately to find something, anything to grab ahold of. Sometimes I found something, a new friend or a new hobby. But I always felt the handhold give and the plunge continued. That continued for over a year.
Now, almost three years removed from my divorce, I never imagined that I would get back to a point in my life that I would look forward to opening my eyes in the morning in anticipation of the new day. But I have. I realize every day is a new adventure. A new opportunity to learn, to grow, to have fun, to be better.
I still have moments. But now I realize that I have a lot to offer anyone who wants to join me, even if just for part of my journey. And I have new attitude, that if you aren't interested, no hard feelings. It will be their loss, not mine. I am going to travel to wherever I am going with or without them. I intend to make my trip as enjoyable as possible. I will be sorry they can't or won't be joining me, but I won't be devastated any more.

PS - stop thinking about getting a bike and just get one. If you find it isn't for you. You can always get rid of it. OTOH you might find a new passion. I started riding about two years ago. I had to convince myself to invest in me for a change. Now I am planning a week or two trip to the upper great plains this summer. Just me and my bike.
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