so I'm in the process of being divorced, my decision, was in a relationship which wasn't great, we're amicable, and are in the process of sorting things out, but we've been apart for a while now, and so I've met someone else, someone i went to school with, and he's a lovely lovely guy....my issue is that, his wife (not divorced yet) is pregnant, he left before he found out she was pregnant, and obvioulsy now has to be part of it, he's a decent guy, already has 1 child with her who is 3 and was the main carer for his child before he left, and still does a lot of the childcare, i don't have an issue with the 3 year old, but i'm really having difficulty accepting the new one, and can't get my head around it, hes not sure it's his, didn't want another child and is a bit of a push over, and didn't make it clear to her in the beginning that he didn't want it, but she thought by having this child he'd go back to her, which he doesn't want too, and now it's too late as shes due in April. Hes not entirly sure if it's his, but because this child is going to be his little boys possible brother or sister by him, he's abviously going to be there, he says not as much as he was for the 1st one, but has responsibility, i just can't get my head around it, and why he couldn't just say to her from the beginning he doesn't want to be part of it, and made that clear to her, and then if she decided to go ahead with it, thats her problem. i really don't know why i'm feeling like such a cow about things, it's amazing that he's taking his responsibility, but i just wished it wasn't happening, and that he's stood up to her! and i don't understand why he has to be part of it and our life then gets put on hold when the kids are involved! i love him to bits, he's an amazing guy! but i can't get over how he didn't have the guts to deal with it. anyone shed another presepective on things jus? t so that i can get some window on it to think otherwise
so I'm in the process of being divorced, my decision, was in a relationship which wasn't great, we're amicable, and are in the process of sorting things out, but we've been apart for a while now, and so I've met someone else, someone i went to school with, and he's a lovely lovely guy....my issue is that, his wife (not divorced yet) is pregnant, he left before he found out she was pregnant, and obvioulsy now has to be part of it, he's a decent guy, already has 1 child with her who is 3 and was the main carer for his child before he left, and still does a lot of the childcare, i don't have an issue with the 3 year old, but i'm really having difficulty accepting the new one, and can't get my head around it, hes not sure it's his, didn't want another child and is a bit of a push over, and didn't make it clear to her in the beginning that he didn't want it, but she thought by having this child he'd go back to her, which he doesn't want too, and now it's too late as shes due in April. Hes not entirly sure if it's his, but because this child is going to be his little boys possible brother or sister by him, he's abviously going to be there, he says not as much as he was for the 1st one, but has responsibility, i just can't get my head around it, and why he couldn't just say to her from the beginning he doesn't want to be part of it, and made that clear to her, and then if she decided to go ahead with it, thats her problem. i really don't know why i'm feeling like such a cow about things, it's amazing that he's taking his responsibility, but i just wished it wasn't happening, and that he's stood up to her! and i don't understand why he has to be part of it and our life then gets put on hold when the kids are involved! i love him to bits, he's an amazing guy! but i can't get over how he didn't have the guts to deal with it. anyone shed another presepective on things jus? t so that i can get some window on it to think otherwise
What do you expect? You are screwing around with a married man. Posted via Mobile Device
he should have a paternal test done when the baby is born.
if its not his, no worries.
if it is his you need to get used to the fact he has a new baby with his ex. if you cant handle that, i dont know what to tell you. move on?
i think you are over reacting a bit.
you cant expect him to not have anything to do with it.
Wow. Must be some blood in the water. I am not certain what Crazychik did to be dissed but I am certain she will not find the advice here helpful. We have all done things that those around us would find horrifying. Let's remember that when dealing with others. At the base everyone is deserving of human dignity and respect.
I would suggest CC that you do consider distancing yourself from him at this time. He is in a position that he has not completely let go of his previous life and, because of that, cannot commit completely to you. You deserve to have someone that is able to devote themselves to your interests with them and them alone.
I did not say he will never be ready, but he is certainly not ready now. Honestly, I fear he is keeping you because you are a "safety" net for him. He doesn't feel complete when alone so he must have someone when a relationship ends to go to. I know this mind set because that has been me in the past.
Someone who has been close enough to his ex to possibly be the father of an unborn child is not ready to move on. You should not expect him to abandon his children, but you should expect him to cling to you. He should be making a special effort to love and assure you though this time. It does not sound like he is doing that. He simply may not be ABLE to at this time. Let some water flow under the bridge and reassess your relationship in 3 months or so. No need to break off completely, but staying as platonic friends at this time is simply in your best interests.
Sorry for the other replies. People who have gone through such pain that betrayal brings will see your relationship as premature because him previous relationship is not "COMPLETELY" ended. Having gone through that betrayal, it is painful to hear anyone talk of having a relationship with anyone that is still "technically" married. Please do not take these things personally.
thank you Limping! i'm not the kind of person to screw around with osmeone in a relationship, he had already left his wife when we first got back in touch, we went to school together and so i know him well enough to know he's not a horrible person, and he left before he found out she was pregnant, and yeah you are so right,
we had a chat last night about it and he does tell me he feels really strongly for me, and i believe him, but i said the same thing to him last night that he needs to find himself on his own first, and that yes i will be there for him, as a friend, and that because he's been in a relationship since he was 19 (33 now) that i am the safety blanket and the needing that he needs, it's hard because on so many levels we get on, have the same interests, did a lot together at school,
he's not 100% sure the new baby is his and so has asked for a paternity test,
but thatnk you for that, i did call it a day yesterday for the relationship, and we are just plutonic at the moment, and will see what happens after the baby is born and the paternity test is done and see how i feel then......
Maybe you're not crazy but the guy you're dating is.
Obviously he is very lacking in life management, communication, responsibility for his own procreation, and everything that has to do with a successful marriage or dissolving an unsuccessful one.
So whether or not you are makes no difference.
Give it two years if you're that into him, living on your own, him living on his own. Keeping separate finances, letting him do his parenting and divorce thing. Then see how that's working for you.
Am I being crazy? 
