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I am Officially Smitten

3K views 19 replies 10 participants last post by  AVR1962 
#1 ·
I left my ex 9 months ago....he and I were a couple for 27 years. The last 5 years of the marriage we lived as roommates so it has been a very long time since I have had any kind of intimacy with a man. I wished it, dreamed of it, fantasized about it. I am 54, the man I have been seeing is 51....we have been seeing one another since Jan and have been careful to get to know one another and enjoy each other's company....many hours spent in conversation together and on the phone. He has been a complete gentleman, has not tried to seduce me....really does seem to want to know me.

Yesterday I spent 6 hours with him talking and I made a salad for us to eat. He asked me some questions about my marriage to my ex, wanted to know about the ring I wear on my right hand which is my old wedding band stripped of the diamond bands. My ex would completely ignore me and the kids....there did not have to be conflict....he would just not answer or walk away....the kids could ask him about spending time with a friend and he would not even look up from his newspaper or acknowledge he heard them and he was no different with me. We talked many times about this, my ex and I. Finally after 15 years, he did this to me, again we were not fighting, he just walked out of the room and I had had enough. I went after him, grabbed him by the back of the collar and let me tell you this man is big and strong, probably the stupidest thing I have ever done but that tells you how fed-up I was with this behavior. I told him to never walk away from me when I was speaking to him. He grabbed my hand, turned around and started twisting my hand with all his strength. I was yelling and fighting him off with my right hand, landing blows to his head and kicking while our 8 year old daughter watched from the window. The police were called, he was asked to leave which he did. I called my mom, I was planning then to leave him, she convinced me to stay saying she was afraid that he might try to turn me against my daughter. I vowed then I would stay until she graduated which I did.

As I told this to the man I am seeing (dating and boyfriend sound weird to me) my heart started racing,my voice tone changed which I was trying hard to control...trying to take the emotion out and stay detached as I was telling him all this, it felt like someone had punched me in the stomach but I felt I could not tell this man how I was feeling inside. I just wanted to give him the facts. As I was feeling these things though I didn't understand why my heart was racing and why I was feeling the way I was. I have told other people about this and not felt this way. The only thing I thought was that I was afraid he would see me as "damaged" knowing what I had endured with my ex. He showed me a great deal of empathy and I definitely felt he was not judging me afterwards.

All of this is so foreign though....all these feelings of wanting to be with him and hear from him and the butterflies in the stomach....I've lost weight because I am not hungry and I know my hormones must be messing with my head. I feel like I need to put little leashes on the butterflies as I am trying to get to know how him as much as he is trying to get to know me without the hormones taking over. Feels very odd to be in this situation as my age.

He is black, I am white....I am from the north and he is from the south. Yesterday his sister called while I was with him and he asked to call her back, said he was with a friend. She was asking all kinds of questions about this friend (me). He said he would tell her later. So it is out now, his family knows. My daughter (adults) have been having a grand time teasing me about dating. He and I yesterday talked about interracial dating and we both told each other that we did not care what others thought and we assured each other that we were fine with our situation.

All this being said....I have not been with another man in over 27 years and it has been a good long while since I have shared the bed with a man and I am feeling unsure/uncertain about that moment as I see it coming. We have gotten quite close.
 
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#3 ·
@AVR1962 You sound happy! Don't let the past hinder your future .

Btw. Who cares what people think or say about interracial relationships. My parents have the same scenario and now have been married for over 40 years strong. My wife and I are going on 15 years with the same scenario. Happiness is what matters.



Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using Tapatalk
 
#5 ·
I wish you happiness.

Do not worry about what anyone else thinks about interracial relationships. Don't let anyone else put that on you. It is NOT an issue. There are enough things to worry about - that should not be one of them.

My last two relationships were with black men (I am white), but I don't recall even discussing it with either of them at all, let alone addressing it as a potential issue. (Unfortunately, both turned out to be a**holes, but that was unrelated to race).
 
#18 ·
Yes, I stayed 10 years after ex broke my finger. When I look back now it is like looking at a different person in my life (me). We had moved overseas not too long after the incident, he is employed by the Air Force. While I enjoyed living in Europe those last 10 years were rough.....was on here many times with my hurts of the marriage and people kept telling me to leave. When I did finally leave those who had followed my posts commented that they never thought I was going to get out. I had to face alot of fears. I went thru 5 years of counseling, thank goodness, as I think it was the counseling that finally helped me take those steps to my freedom.
 
#10 ·
I am....no I was a good swimmer.

I could easily swim for an hour in the open sea.

Now, all gone...

Except, I remember how to swim against the tide. Actually swim sideways away from the undertow.

I am going to be blunt and forget all my training, all my manners.

This relationship will be a short-term pleasurable thing.

Long term....I see a disaster in the making.

You are adding, yet another forgotten fork in the salad that you made.

This fork is fraught with a painful heartbreak.

Please do not ask me to expound....

Let me hint at one word. Think of all the types of pianos that are made. One of the models is the word I cannot utter.

I saw this movie, many times.
 
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