So, some of you know my history. For others, the gist is, my wife and I divorced rather amicably, or so I thought.
Months prior to my moving out (process delayed to get the house in her name so that I could get my own place), my ex started banging the internet dating sites. As disgusting as it is (her dating while I was still married and living with her), that doesn't really bother me, but it is pertinent to what is going on now. Anyway, I was not ready to date myself.
During the whole divorce process I have been going to Divorce Care (a church run 13-week course) and continued to see a counselor. When we did finally separate, it was tough emotionally (leaving the kids), but in a lot of ways the cold-hardheartedness of my ex made it easier. My counselor was insistent I was ready, but getting back in the saddle was tough. Also, I have a somewhat public profile, so hitting the internet dating sites is not what I wanted to do.
Then the fairy tale began. I was doing some work with a charity and found myself in a flirtatious situation. Honestly, I would not have asked the lady out, but her friend cornered me and more or less gave me the nerve to do so. It has been an incredible journey discovering this lady. Every date, every late-night phone call, every text, etc.
What is even more spectacular is that I am sure I am not the first person who made a list when going through a divorce. You know, a list of qualities that you want from your next partner. The "must haves" or whatever. As we have gotten to know each other, each item has been a check in the positive column. So, what is wrong?
While I was still at home and the marriage ending, my wife also started doing things for more privacy. One was to block me on facebook. OK, no biggie there. She wants to date, etc. I understand. We also somehow managed to get down to about 3 mutual friends - 2 of them our kids. This I knew prior to the blocking. Again, no biggie, we are not involved in each other's lives. Probably for the best, right?
So, here is the problem. One day the new lady in my life starts getting nasty texts from her ex husband (of over 2 years). They are nasty things about me. It becomes apparent that he is stalking her and is in communication with my ex-wife. Come to find out, they know a lot of details about our relationship. Every time I have sent her flowers, dates we have been on, you name it. Now, because of my kids being on Facebook, we have specifically kept our relationship off of facebook. What we have found out is that our exes met through POF 5 months ago and while they aren't dating, they are in constant communication. It has tainted our relationship. The things they know/have shared are almost sickening.
I have tried to explain to her (the lady I am dating) that what they don't know about are our intimate conversations. They don't know about the late-night phone calls. While they have mocked our relationship with each other, they don't know how deeply we care about each other.
I still have a kids 10 and 12, so I see my ex every Wednesday and every other weekend as we hand off the kids. I've called her out on this and she says that my lady's ex is crazy, etc., but apparently she still continues to text/call him. She is stocking him with ammo to say nasty things about me to this lady. My counselor has made it very clear to me that my ex is not to be trusted, but she is still the mother of my children. I have to have some communication with her.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with her and tow the line? In some ways I fear for the safety of my kids. My new relationship has enough challenges (us both being divorced, me with 2 younger kids) without throwing this into the mix. All I want is the chance to see where this will go - without those outside influences screwing it up.
Months prior to my moving out (process delayed to get the house in her name so that I could get my own place), my ex started banging the internet dating sites. As disgusting as it is (her dating while I was still married and living with her), that doesn't really bother me, but it is pertinent to what is going on now. Anyway, I was not ready to date myself.
During the whole divorce process I have been going to Divorce Care (a church run 13-week course) and continued to see a counselor. When we did finally separate, it was tough emotionally (leaving the kids), but in a lot of ways the cold-hardheartedness of my ex made it easier. My counselor was insistent I was ready, but getting back in the saddle was tough. Also, I have a somewhat public profile, so hitting the internet dating sites is not what I wanted to do.
Then the fairy tale began. I was doing some work with a charity and found myself in a flirtatious situation. Honestly, I would not have asked the lady out, but her friend cornered me and more or less gave me the nerve to do so. It has been an incredible journey discovering this lady. Every date, every late-night phone call, every text, etc.
What is even more spectacular is that I am sure I am not the first person who made a list when going through a divorce. You know, a list of qualities that you want from your next partner. The "must haves" or whatever. As we have gotten to know each other, each item has been a check in the positive column. So, what is wrong?
While I was still at home and the marriage ending, my wife also started doing things for more privacy. One was to block me on facebook. OK, no biggie there. She wants to date, etc. I understand. We also somehow managed to get down to about 3 mutual friends - 2 of them our kids. This I knew prior to the blocking. Again, no biggie, we are not involved in each other's lives. Probably for the best, right?
So, here is the problem. One day the new lady in my life starts getting nasty texts from her ex husband (of over 2 years). They are nasty things about me. It becomes apparent that he is stalking her and is in communication with my ex-wife. Come to find out, they know a lot of details about our relationship. Every time I have sent her flowers, dates we have been on, you name it. Now, because of my kids being on Facebook, we have specifically kept our relationship off of facebook. What we have found out is that our exes met through POF 5 months ago and while they aren't dating, they are in constant communication. It has tainted our relationship. The things they know/have shared are almost sickening.
I have tried to explain to her (the lady I am dating) that what they don't know about are our intimate conversations. They don't know about the late-night phone calls. While they have mocked our relationship with each other, they don't know how deeply we care about each other.
I still have a kids 10 and 12, so I see my ex every Wednesday and every other weekend as we hand off the kids. I've called her out on this and she says that my lady's ex is crazy, etc., but apparently she still continues to text/call him. She is stocking him with ammo to say nasty things about me to this lady. My counselor has made it very clear to me that my ex is not to be trusted, but she is still the mother of my children. I have to have some communication with her.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with her and tow the line? In some ways I fear for the safety of my kids. My new relationship has enough challenges (us both being divorced, me with 2 younger kids) without throwing this into the mix. All I want is the chance to see where this will go - without those outside influences screwing it up.