Sparkles422

Yup, up and down, round and round.

Please stop so I may get off. Tired of the highs and lows.

I am getting better but it comes in waves. I did do something silly because I needed to fill the hole but it was just a little fantasy. What that made me see is I am not ready yet. Still knee jerk emotions.

I must slow myself down, be in the moment, do the exercise IC gave me (breathe in faith, expel fear) and tell myself the affair was not my fault. I had 50% contribution to the marriage but the affair was not my choice, something lacking in him proven by the choice he made. Didn't even know I was blaming myself.

I am beginning to love myself, I fake it to make it at times, I have dinner with friends, I go to school, try to do the assignnments to the best of my current ability, IC and meetings. Walks with the pup but:


It still feels like I'm going through the motions, at times.
Grief, time, this too shall pass-yeah yeah yeah. heard it a thousand times. It's the truth though.

Hoosier

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Hoosier

Right there with you. Has been six months from when I discovered her affair, thirty year marriage gone. True our fault for loss of marriage, but absolutely not our fault for affair. Keep exercising, I choose to believe them when they say time will heal, just time....
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Shooboomafoo

Yay, that roller coaster is nauseating.

Still trying to seperate myself from being concerned about what shes doing. It took me a while of watching to see that I would find nothing but more hurtful and outrageous things. I had to sever that connection. An axe thru the extension cord.
That is being the difficult part for me. Mentally separating my thoughts and considerations back to "just me" mode. It was as if I had to reach a certain level of affronts witnessed, before I found myself having to hit the stop button, and remind myself that I dont have to give a fk anymore. The whole lot of them, including her backstabbing simpleton friends can gargle my sack.
Bitter? naw....

This is me

Tell me about it. Another cold dreary Monday morning and just want off of this terrible ride. Emotions all over the place.

Damn her!!!!

nice777guy

Totally relate...

__________________
“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity!" - Carlin

Sparkles422

I am glad I'm not the only one, although in my world it feels like it. Sorry that misery likes company.LOL

But each of us is at the same point in time. I'm at 7 months divorce and 9 months discovery.

Let's hold each other's hand til we make it off this crazy trip.

nice777guy

Yeah - that's part of my problem. We all know the divorce rate is 50% - yet I don't know where the other 49% are in my little patch of the world! Not that I'd wish this upon my worst enemy. But still - would be nice to be able to talk to some people who've been through it all.

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“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity!" - Carlin

This is me

I sought out a support group that starts tonight for 8 weeks. I hope it helps. It would be nice to share and comfort with others in the same situation.

Sparkles422

I am going to a divorce group on Wednesday.

It's unbelievable the amount of effort I am putting in for recovery. Makes me wonder how much effort I had put into that marriage. I am thinking alot, until I withdrew when I was at a low. Last year and half- didn't know where to turn, got no support from ex. Perspective is a great tool, makes me see that if he couldn't be there for depression, what if I had been ill? A blessing in disguise?

Anyway, hoping this is my ticket off that ride.

nice777guy

What are these "groups"? What do you do? Is it more of a social thing, or more like therapy?

Shooboomafoo

Damn.
Ex just got a big fat check for part of her retirement program that her job is discontinuing. Shes dating guy #2 now, after the guy she cheated on me with. She got her car paid off, credit cards paid down, got the inside of the marital home painted and refloored....
Seems like life for her is actually better without me.
Not that, this revelation is of any surprise to me.
My life is most notable by the additional salting of the great wounds Ive taken throughout. Those unnecessary "Extras" that come on top of the big poo pie.
Perhaps none of it would be that effective in drawing emotion from me, if she werent right across the street from my new house, visiting her boy-friend.
Watching her close knit group of girlfriends now befriending and introducing themselves, just like they did to me so very long ago.

I feel USED.

And its all so meaningless, how frustrating having to work so hard at making sense of anything now, while pieces of her picture fall so nicely into place.
Its hard sometimes to remember that I did nothing wrong.

Sparkles422

shoo:

Yes, they seem to have it all, don't they?
But we don't know jack anymore. And it's over.

Your time in the sun will come, as it will for all of us.

This is me

More like therapy. There are hundreds in the place I am going broken down into tables of eight. Each week you work on some topic and discuss it. I am not the best match with my group of eight, but will stick with it.

notreadytoquit

I guess I have to join occasionally this rollercoaster, even though I have never been a fan of them in amusement parks. It makes me mad that the stupidest thing trigger me and send me through a crying spin. It's been almost a year and a half since the divorce was official. Why do I still give a damn about him I don't know!

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The karma for screwing over a good girl is the b!tch you end up with