Just Feeling Down Today
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Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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Old 01-23-2012, 10:27 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Just Feeling Down Today

Work has been incredibly stressful the last week. Not that my STBXW was really that great of a listener - but still - I miss having someone around who was at least kind of "obligated" to listen to me vent or listen when I felt down. Or even NOTICE that I was feeling down.

Still pi$$es me off sometimes that she did this to us. I don't think she's real happy with things either - I think she's finding out that the grass actually was not indeed greener.

But still - knowing that she hurts doesn't exactly help me feel better.

And no - I'm not planning to reach out to her - not longing for "her" - just for "someone."

Was chuckling to myself this morning about something kind of silly. "How I long to hear those magic words...'Stop picking at that or it will get infected!'" Just not having someone to kind of look out for you.

There's a lot of things that a spouse does that would not be expected of a really good friend.

Anyway - thanks for listening.
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Old 01-23-2012, 10:57 AM   #2 (permalink)
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What kind of work do you do??? I'm at least lucky that when I have a stressful day at work, all of us can sit and vent to each other while we are working, although we usually vent in a lighthearted way because we all really love our jobs....

I need to read about what exactly happened between you and your wife because I don't know if I had or not...It just blows my mind when people cheat, EA or PA, doesn't matter. I don't understand it and I don't think I ever will....my feelings are if you feel the need to go outside your marriage for your needs, whether they be emotional, physical, why don't you just do the other person a favor and get a divorce before it's shoved in their face that you cheated....unless of course the BS doesn't care and wants to still continue with the marriage....I just feel like we only get one life, I for one want to spend that one life with someone who will love me and want to stay committed to me...
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Old 01-23-2012, 11:00 AM   #3 (permalink)
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@Nice I feel your pain today. I'm going through the divorce process, roughly 32 days in. Wife gave me the ILYBNILWY speech. Last night she texted me to tell me that my son (8) was sick with the flu, but thankfully my daughter (5) did not get hit. It hit me hard because he is a daddy's boy, and I wasn't there to hold him. Plus I came down with a nasty sinus infection so I wasn't able to sleep at all. I did get to go over and give him a big hug before work this morning, that felt good for the both of us. It's just hard to believe that this is happening. I have 11 years of memories that seem to always flood my mind.
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Old 01-23-2012, 11:10 AM   #4 (permalink)
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What kind of work do you do??? I'm at least lucky that when I have a stressful day at work, all of us can sit and vent to each other while we are working, although we usually vent in a lighthearted way because we all really love our jobs....

I need to read about what exactly happened between you and your wife because I don't know if I had or not...It just blows my mind when people cheat, EA or PA, doesn't matter. I don't understand it and I don't think I ever will....my feelings are if you feel the need to go outside your marriage for your needs, whether they be emotional, physical, why don't you just do the other person a favor and get a divorce before it's shoved in their face that you cheated....unless of course the BS doesn't care and wants to still continue with the marriage....I just feel like we only get one life, I for one want to spend that one life with someone who will love me and want to stay committed to me...
Right now at work everyone is stressed. We do bounce things off each other a bit - but we're also starting to get a little testy with one another as well.

Wife had a series of EAs and cyber-affairs over the last 2-3 years. She would stop - or hide things better - from time to time - make me believe that things would be OK again. But then something else would always pop back up. Seemed like she wanted to be single again.

Like I said - I don't miss "her" - but the idea of a relationship that I'd worked with her to build for 17 years. I don't understand how you give that up so easily. Although I know it was over.

Thanks.
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Old 01-23-2012, 11:13 AM   #5 (permalink)
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@Nice I feel your pain today. I'm going through the divorce process, roughly 32 days in. Wife gave me the ILYBNILWY speech. Last night she texted me to tell me that my son (8) was sick with the flu, but thankfully my daughter (5) did not get hit. It hit me hard because he is a daddy's boy, and I wasn't there to hold him. Plus I came down with a nasty sinus infection so I wasn't able to sleep at all. I did get to go over and give him a big hug before work this morning, that felt good for the both of us. It's just hard to believe that this is happening. I have 11 years of memories that seem to always flood my mind.
I've fought to have my kids basically half the time. Its complicated though - because I work. She doesn't work due to health issues - so she's "with" them more than I am - after school everyday and during breaks/summer - but I have more overnights. Hard to see them split between homes - even though I think things are getting better for them. Was way too much tension when we were under the same roof.

My mind mostly focuses on what "should" have been. The memories are nice - but she's also done a lot of damage over the last 2 years.
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Old 01-23-2012, 11:15 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Hey Niceguy...
Hope that lull blows over fast.
Feelin that way too.
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Old 01-23-2012, 11:16 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Only been on here a few months but most of the time, your upbeat,
positive and may write something funny.

Going for a run always helps me when I'm having a bad day
Most days, I feel pretty good about things. I think its more related to "other" stress - job stress - and not having that special someone to talk to.
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Old 01-23-2012, 11:20 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Right now at work everyone is stressed. We do bounce things off each other a bit - but we're also starting to get a little testy with one another as well.

Wife had a series of EAs and cyber-affairs over the last 2-3 years. She would stop - or hide things better - from time to time - make me believe that things would be OK again. But then something else would always pop back up. Seemed like she wanted to be single again.

Like I said - I don't miss "her" - but the idea of a relationship that I'd worked with her to build for 17 years. I don't understand how you give that up so easily. Although I know it was over.

Thanks.
That's what I'm scared of, that my H says he won't do it ever again, but maybe he'll just hide it better next time...I'm afraid of never finding out, or finding out after I've wasted most of my life on him.....That's my biggest fear as far as my personal life goes, that I will find out after having spent most of my life with him that it was all just a big joke.....

You should just call up a friend, go and hang out, do whatever you do for fun, and just check out mentally for the day....sometimes we all need that....
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Old 01-23-2012, 11:25 AM   #9 (permalink)
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In the past, in an effort to connect with my wife, above and beyond her discussing her own self, I had hit a rough patch in job, finances, our marriage. I was in a depression and needed to talk to her, to get her to understand where I was coming from, and why I was the way I was at the time.
I found that she was about as deep as a wet tissue.
Instead of discussing things like adults, possibly figuring ways to make things better, or at least, stop the bleeding, all I got was superficial garbage. There was no understanding partner or committed soulmate. Just a little sympathy from the closest person to me perhaps? Naw..
I hated that. I hated the lack of being able to discuss things like that and cooperate.
My special someone turned out to be unworthy.
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Old 01-23-2012, 12:05 PM   #10 (permalink)
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shoo: I understand completely when the office closed, I was out of a job and I had no idea what to do. Instead of discussion, he pulled away further and ended up in an EA. The one time I really needed him, he was not there, although I had been there each and every time for him. Read that and reality sinks in, better now than more years of later.

nice777: rollercoaster.
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Old 01-23-2012, 12:55 PM   #11 (permalink)
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That's what I'm scared of, that my H says he won't do it ever again, but maybe he'll just hide it better next time...I'm afraid of never finding out, or finding out after I've wasted most of my life on him.....That's my biggest fear as far as my personal life goes, that I will find out after having spent most of my life with him that it was all just a big joke.....

You should just call up a friend, go and hang out, do whatever you do for fun, and just check out mentally for the day....sometimes we all need that....
That's part of my problem. I gave so much of my time and myself to my wife - and continue to do so with my kids - I don't really have any "good friends." And a lot of my friends are - of course - married.

We had a pretty good 15 years - was just the last two to three that stunk. Funny - I don't think she ever lied to me about antything important. Then suddenly - feels like everything she says is a lie - even now that so much of doesn't even matter.
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Old 01-23-2012, 12:57 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Shooboomafoo View Post
In the past, in an effort to connect with my wife, above and beyond her discussing her own self, I had hit a rough patch in job, finances, our marriage. I was in a depression and needed to talk to her, to get her to understand where I was coming from, and why I was the way I was at the time.
I found that she was about as deep as a wet tissue.
Instead of discussing things like adults, possibly figuring ways to make things better, or at least, stop the bleeding, all I got was superficial garbage. There was no understanding partner or committed soulmate. Just a little sympathy from the closest person to me perhaps? Naw..
I hated that. I hated the lack of being able to discuss things like that and cooperate.
My special someone turned out to be unworthy.
My wife had health problems. Amazing how often our discussions were completely about her. BUT - as the sole breadwinner - she at least understood the importance of my job.

Still - kind of like you're saying - some people really aren't worthy.

As much as anything - just missing the "idea" that I have a mate - a partner.

Hang in there Shoo...doesn't sound like you really lost much of a friend!
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Old 01-23-2012, 01:01 PM   #13 (permalink)
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shoo: I understand completely when the office closed, I was out of a job and I had no idea what to do. Instead of discussion, he pulled away further and ended up in an EA. The one time I really needed him, he was not there, although I had been there each and every time for him. Read that and reality sinks in, better now than more years of later.

nice777: rollercoaster.
When my wife started having health problems, I was totally there for her and supportive. That's another thing that makes me mad when I think about it. I helped get her through a lot of hard times - a lot of self created drama really - while I've been fairly steady over the years.
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Old 01-23-2012, 01:36 PM   #14 (permalink)
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That's part of my problem. I gave so much of my time and myself to my wife - and continue to do so with my kids - I don't really have any "good friends." And a lot of my friends are - of course - married.

We had a pretty good 15 years - was just the last two to three that stunk. Funny - I don't think she ever lied to me about antything important. Then suddenly - feels like everything she says is a lie - even now that so much of doesn't even matter.
I hear you, I was looking for a friend to hang out with over the weekend and come to find out I really don't have many haha
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Old 01-24-2012, 05:50 PM   #15 (permalink)
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An affair is like an ATOMIC BOMB. It destroys everything around and whatever is left, will die also. And then their are the after effects of it also.
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