My XW blindsided me with a divorce after 20+ years of marriage. No warning, no discussion, no counseling, no nothing. She was likely having an affair. Regardless, the calling for greener grass was apparently too strong for her to ignore.
Although I will always have feelings for her, I can’t help secretly wishing she doesn’t find an "upgrade". I hope she realizes what we had was better than what's out there.
Maybe it’s selfish, but I want to be the greenest grass on the block.
Re: If you were dumped, do you wish your X failure?
One of the phrases stuck in my mind:
"Her failures will not be my successes. And - her successes will not be my failures."
Along with:
"Life's good, but not always fair."
Because we have two young kids together, I really hope for THEIR sake that she does well and grows up. If she continues to struggle, I'm afraid of the effect it will have on our kids.
And sorry - really not judging you. But I've learned that being angry at someone who doesn't care only hurts "me."
Re: If you were dumped, do you wish your X failure?
Do I wish him failure - the husband who cheated on me, gave me an STD, took $20,000 from our equity account without telling me, berated me about my inadequate personality, ran around having fun while I worked all the time, and generally treated me so badly that I nearly had a breakdown?
The man who, last month when we were both sitting at our daughter's bedside after she was brought to the emergency room in an ambulance, refused to go out and find me a candy bar when I asked him if he would mind? (This after he had asked me if I could give him some money to bail his car out of the hospital parking lot, which I willingly gave. And that day happened to be my birthday too.) What a guy.
Uh, yes. Sometimes, I wish very much that he experience relationship failure and emotional pain. It may not be healthy for me, or very admirable, but the ugly little desire is there without a doubt. I won't pretend it isn't.
But only when I'm feeling particularly crabby. I don't let it consume me. I'm gradually getting better at putting him out of my thoughts entirely, and that is infinitely better.
Re: If you were dumped, do you wish your X failure?
In the movie "For the Boys" Bette Midler and James Caan are married. Years later after their son is killed and they're divorced, he goes to meet her backstage. He asks her "Mind if I smoke?" to which she says "I don't care if you burn"
Re: If you were dumped, do you wish your X failure?
I want him to fall madly in love with someone, spend a decade with them, have two children, trust them implicitly then I want her to ceat on him with a teenage and lie to her for a year! Only then will he ever had any idea what he has put me through!
It's not going to happen so the best I can sinus move on with my life and be happy Posted via Mobile Device
Re: If you were dumped, do you wish your X failure?
NO, I told my sister today, my H is gone, the man he used to be no longer exists, I can't even think of anything worse for him than what he did, threw away a 28 year long marriage, loving wife, great family, nice friends and the trust of his young adult sons. I don't think I need to do any wishing, he already got the worst of this
Re: If you were dumped, do you wish your X failure?
This morning I suddenly remembered a conversation I had with my H, after exposure, etc. I asked him what he was most afraid of, and he said 'failure'. I thought about the 5 years he lied to me and cheated me, I thought about the rape and molestation, I thought about the lack of trust he brought on by telling me he could hit me but chose not to, I thought about how he went climbing instead of to the hospital with me, when he gaslighted me so badly I thought I might be crazy. I thought about the control maneuvers, the 'lost' power of attorney, the provoking behavior, the comments and accusations to me of having a boyfriend and him always suggesting we have a threesome with my friends and insinuating I wanted to f*ck my son's best friend. I laughed and told him he'd already failed. Then I realized that his idea of success might be different, if he hadn't realized that he had failed. So I asked what success was, and it wasn't defined in things like trust or love, but money and power. I realized this morning that to check 'irreconcilable differences' isn't a lie after all.
I felt bad for laughing at him but really it never occurred to me that he could justify everything he did because the ends was defined as 'success', meaning ending up with a big pot of financial assets and 100% control over wife including her time and sexuality, person and personhood and reality. He acted insulted and said he won't share anything with me ever again. I'm so hurt!
The truth is, our cheaters have already failed.
We don't have to accept their version of success, which is to have someone by their side, by manipulative or false pretenses. Or to have money, or power that is not given as a gift or earned gracefully and with humility.
Re: If you were dumped, do you wish your X failure?
I never enjoy seeing someone suffer, however I don't want my ex to reap a bunch of rewards for her choice to use me and discard me.
OTOH, she is the mother of my child and anything that makes his life is better so some success in her life may be setting the kind of example that would help him have success in his own. Also, since its shared custody, if she suddenly becomes wealthy and brings home more income then it means less child support that I have to pay, heck maybe she would have high enough income that I end up receiving payments from her instead?
Re: If you were dumped, do you wish your X failure?
Quote:
Originally Posted by mr. blue
My XW blindsided me with a divorce after 20+ years of marriage. No warning, no discussion, no counseling, no nothing. She was likely having an affair. Regardless, the calling for greener grass was apparently too strong for her to ignore.
Although I will always have feelings for her, I can’t help secretly wishing she doesn’t find an "upgrade". I hope she realizes what we had was better than what's out there.
Maybe it’s selfish, but I want to be the greenest grass on the block.
I don't wish her any real harm, but if she falls on her face with relationships, I won't cry any tears. She's already gotten a good dose from a guy. She dated a guy for a while and she acted like he was awesome. He dumped her and is already engaged to someone else. As far as I'm concerned, she got a dose of reality. We had a good thing, but she needed greener grass, but it turned brown rather quickly.
Re: If you were dumped, do you wish your X failure?
Quote:
Originally Posted by mr. blue
My XW blindsided me with a divorce after 20+ years of marriage. No warning, no discussion, no counseling, no nothing. She was likely having an affair. Regardless, the calling for greener grass was apparently too strong for her to ignore.
Although I will always have feelings for her, I can’t help secretly wishing she doesn’t find an "upgrade". I hope she realizes what we had was better than what's out there.
Maybe it’s selfish, but I want to be the greenest grass on the block.
imo: people who leave a marriage "cause they're not in love anymore or not happy" are already on a path of self destruction anyway. Their lives are usually full of damage that they cause to others. They don't love themselves and aren't capable of loving anyone else. Its especially apparent if kids are involved.
The other person will not make them happy and will dump them on their arse at some point. We make ourselves happy as individuals. IMO the key to that is really being grateful for what you already have in your life.
But these types of people are self entitled and sociopathic in nature. They're not grateful for anything or anyone. (even their own children..they will say "the kids will be fine" or "the kids will be ok" They justify the harm that they cause to others with self entitled nonsense.
They won't find an "upgrade" because there is no such thing. That "upgrade" will have a whole new set of issues and problems. Those issues and problems will cause that "new" relationship to fail. when the chemical high wears off and commitment and real work are needed in the relationship.
people "fall in love" but commitment is what makes a marriage.
Love is a choice........people choose to love and be committed to a person and family.
If you have been "dumped" divorced by your ex spouse, they have chosen not to love you.
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If you were dumped, do you wish your X failure? 
