A little encouragement
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Divorce and Separation »Life After Divorce » A little encouragement

Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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Old 02-24-2012, 07:29 PM   #1 (permalink)
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 5,416
Default A little encouragement

I just wanted to let you guys know it is possible to turn your life around after divorce.
It's been three years since filing and two since the day the judge signed the papers.
I went from making $8 an hour to making $16. I went from having to move in with my mom to living in a five bedroom house, I have an amazing new husband who
is a great father and stepfather. We had to declare bankruptcy, our house was foreclosed on, I had to move to another city, I lost most of my friends, and my ex tried to take me to court for contempt.
Our van got repo'd because he wouldnt pay me child support.
My credit went from a 580 to a 660.
I got approved for a mortgage in just my name and my new husband and I are going to look at houses tomorrow. I feel like a completely different person from when I was with him
and from the worst parts of the divorce process. Therapy helped me so much, I highly recommend it. Just hang in there, it gets better!
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Old 02-25-2012, 02:29 PM   #2 (permalink)
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 187
Default Re: A little encouragement

Wow, I am going to save this info for some time in the future. That is great for you.
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Old 02-25-2012, 08:48 PM   #3 (permalink)
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 5,416
Default Re: A little encouragement

I never in a million years thought my life would turn around this much. When I was living with my mom I was so incredibly depressed and bitter. I would watch movies like The Notebook or What Dreams May Come about men who loved their wives so much and I'd start crying my eyes out.
In my situation I was the one who wanted out, but it was like he didn't want to be married, he didn't want to do any work, he was a pot addict, cared about everything else but me, wasn't interested in me in terms of my thoughts, feelings or dreams. Everything was about him, he was passive aggressive, he would start fights for no reason and then tell me we had an unfair relationship. Then he'd refuse to apologize and wouldn't talk to me for days at a time. He tore up our wedding picture, threatened to destroy all my stuff, told me I couldn't leave the house a couple of times. Twice we had the police in the house because he locked himself in the bathroom and threatened to kill himself. He had a thyroid disorder that he wouldn't deal with, decided to just stop taking his antidepressants cold turkey.
He'd usually spend five minutes a day with our daughter, would start fights in front of her, called me a B in front of her, wouldn't wear deoderant, keep himself clean or wear clothes that weren't two sizes too big. When we finally had our first night without my daughter because she went to my mom's he completely acted like I didn't exist on our date, wouldn't talk to me and then picked a fight so that we didn't have sex.
He was just a nightmare. But he insisted that we go to counseling, which we did. While we were in counseling he started coming home late and said he was stuck in traffic. He worked three miles away and took minor roads to get home. I finally confronted him and asked him if he was having an affair and he told me that he was going over to his friend's house after work to smoke pot because I never let him have time to himself.
He had moved in with a married couple who were our best friends, the husband had been his best friend for fifteen years. They were our best man and matron of honor. A few months after he moved in with them the husband left her. Within months they were sleeping together and she started coming along to the drop offs with our daughter.
He claimed that it was because he needed a witness. I could tell they were intimate. I confronted her about it and she completely denied it, said I was crazy and I need mental help. It's a long story but three years later they're still together. I saw them as like brother and sister and it just used to make me sick seeing them together because she used to listen to me talking about him and I couldn't believe she would settle for that and betray me.
But now I just don't care anymore, I have my new life and my new husband and stepkids and my daughter and that's all that matters.
I so highly recommend counseling. I fought it for so long but one day I was so depressed that for the first time in my life I was actually thinking about cutting myself. I have no idea why. I just wanted to show physically how hurt I was I guess.
I started going to counseling and realized that even though my dream of my "perfect" family had died I still had a future ahead of me, I had the ability to create new dreams and to move on. I just didn't know it was possible!
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