Every once in a while, I'd like to see some posts by your alter ego, Mean666Guy.
When the ex starts going off on one of her tangents ... fully expecting you to acknowledge or validate her mild insanity ... you need to remind her that she's insane.
Trust me. It feels good.
I have a great relationship with my ex. A very distinct reason for that is because I seldom behave like the husband she remembers.
You should curiously point out that she is the only one that seems to have all of these issues with your daughter and wonder why exactly that is ... "Can't imagine why that is with you as a role model. Maybe things will improve when the two of you can go get tattoos together?"
You need to visit the dark side occasionally.
Communicating with her is often very difficult (understatement). She may be the one person on the planet with who I am no longer my normal sarcastic (and witty) self.
When we interact, I want to give info, get info, and get out.
So - whether she's flirting with me, or trying to push my buttons - I just do my best to keep the conversation as even keeled as possible.
I don't go negative unless or until the ex seriously breaches my boundaries. And I let her know it with measured, but extreme prejudice. It's rare.
I still believe that you and I function under many of the same premises. I need my ex to ok, because I need my kids to be ok.
There was a point in time that I would unconsciously seek her out for communication to cover some subject involving the kids, the house, or the divorce, that I knew she was simply going to ignore. I still felt compelled to influence, control, or prevent her or her circumstances from imploding ... I don't have that anymore.
Don't mean to put you on the spot ... well ... sure I do; do you feel like you have resolved your feelings for her as a spouse?
There is a difference between acknowledging and accepting that the marriage is over, and the feelings being over as well. I'm not trying to be insightful here; I'm talking from experience.
I don't go negative unless or until the ex seriously breaches my boundaries. And I let her know it with measured, but extreme prejudice. It's rare.
I still believe that you and I function under many of the same premises. I need my ex to ok, because I need my kids to be ok.
There was a point in time that I would unconsciously seek her out for communication to cover some subject involving the kids, the house, or the divorce, that I knew she was simply going to ignore. I still felt compelled to influence, control, or prevent her or her circumstances from imploding ... I don't have that anymore.
Don't mean to put you on the spot ... well ... sure I do; do you feel like you have resolved your feelings for her as a spouse?
There is a difference between acknowledging and accepting that the marriage is over, and the feelings being over as well. I'm not trying to be insightful here; I'm talking from experience.
As a spouse, I truly think I'm done. Although I think I'm still in mourning for the marriage itself and much of what I thought it meant.
And I think I'm still struggling to figure out what being single is going to mean for me - if that makes sense.
I just find it difficult to "co-parent" with someone that I don't communicate with very often.
My understanding and the way I operate is that if the kids are with her - I leave the parenting business up to her. And sadly that means that they will have to find ways to cope with their Mother without my direct help or involvement.
One of the reasons I held on to the marriage was that I knew I'd lose at least some influence over her behavior, and also some of my ability to protect the kids from her "personality."
Unless she's abusive or neglectful - I'm not real sure what boundaries I can actually set and reinforce at this point.
The kids will adjust. I suppose the difference in our circumstances is that ex and I do trust one another when it comes to parenting.
I absolutely believe that she has the kids best interest in mind, but there are things that I also think she stinks at ... but can do nothing about, and I have come to accept that.
When I'm referring to boundaries, I meant my own personal boundaries. She (very rarely now) would defer to the dynamic we had in the marriage; that she intrinsicly knows best, or use shaming, or presume that I couldn't possibly know something, or the old, "I'm right, therefore you're wrong ..." chesnut.
The kids will adjust. I suppose the difference in our circumstances is that ex and I do trust one another when it comes to parenting.
I absolutely believe that she has the kids best interest in mind, but there are things that I also think she stinks at ... but can do nothing about, and I have come to accept that.
When I'm referring to boundaries, I meant my own personal boundaries. She (very rarely now) would defer to the dynamic we had in the marriage; that she intrinsicly knows best, or use shaming, or presume that I couldn't possibly know something, or the old, "I'm right, therefore you're wrong ..." chesnut.
As long as she and I are connected via the kids, she will continue to try pushing my buttons. What works best for me is to just let it slide off my back...
And no - I don't think my Ex always has the kids best interests in mind. She's too self-involved.
This morning we both attended my Oldest Daughter's graduation from 6th grade. My "Ex" slipped back into her old habit of basically snapping at me to take pictures. They were good photo opps - but after the 2nd or third "Hey Niceguy! Camera!" - I kindly asked her to stop barking at me and use some manners. Her initial reaction was kind of $hitty - accused me of starting a fight at our daughter's graduation - but I kept my cool and her manners suddenly showed up a few minutes later.
In addition - I got a nice phone call 30 minutes later - apologizing again - saying she was just "emotional." THEN around lunchtime, someone sent me a copy of a nice post that my Ex put on Facebook about how proud she was of our daughter and how blessed she is to have such a great "Ex Husband / Co-Parenting partner." How sweet!
But even with the nice apology and the FB stuff - it still feels like too much drama.
Wish I had the time and patience to write about my Ex and her disabled handyman - and how this guy has given my oldest daughter even more reason to not like her Mom. Just too many moving parts...
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Re: Very Quick Rant 
You don't need the ups & downs with your stress level. 
