You don't live here anymore - and if you were really that ****ing fond of me why did you spend the last 3 years of our marriage on your phone and laptop with a bunch of unemployed losers?
A kid is sick at the moment [just flu] and she is with me. I did the right thing and texted her that I wont be sending her to school and that she was staying bed for the day.
She has called about 6 times telling me how good I am, how kid is in safe hands.
A kid is sick at the moment [just flu] and she is with me. I did the right thing and texted her that I wont be sending her to school and that she was staying bed for the day.
She has called about 6 times telling me how good I am, how kid is in safe hands.
Glad it gets better. On month seven after the D.
I cant (meaning wont) think of the ex anymore. The resulting bitterness towards her and availability of things to justifiably be p!ssed about are refreshed daily in her life.
I guess shes happy. I guess she just needed to get rid of all the problems in her life, which undoubtedly was all compiled in "me".
I know better than this of course, but I could go on for hours..
Beginning to think Ive entertained the pity party for myself long enough. I believe we are supposed to grieve, as it is good for us to release the emotions in this way. But I dont like the pathetic sense I get about myself anymore, and to allow that would continue to give credence to my self imbibed state of victimhood.
Glad it gets better. On month seven after the D.
I cant (meaning wont) think of the ex anymore. The resulting bitterness towards her and availability of things to justifiably be p!ssed about are refreshed daily in her life.
I guess shes happy. I guess she just needed to get rid of all the problems in her life, which undoubtedly was all compiled in "me".
I know better than this of course, but I could go on for hours..
Beginning to think Ive entertained the pity party for myself long enough. I believe we are supposed to grieve, as it is good for us to release the emotions in this way. But I dont like the pathetic sense I get about myself anymore, and to allow that would continue to give credence to my self imbibed state of victimhood.
So,,, fk her.
LOL,, thats pretty much all I have anymore..
Just curious. When and how did you reach that point?
I initially had the sadness, hopelessness, and was grieving about it daily.
All of that sadness turned to anger after awhile, and was supported by the continuing wreckless way she was making stupid decisions based on her selfcenteredness.
Simply put, nothing, not even the well being of her own flesh and blood mattered to her.
And here I was, grieving for the loss of a relationship with a piece of sh!t person.
I found myself asking if I would ever want to be back with her,, everytime I started feeling sorry for myself or getting sad about it all,,, and my answer to myself was a resounding NO-hell no-, and it began to take the edge off of the sense of loss. My daughter was seemingly fine with all of it, her grades were better, no problems with behavior at school, so it wasnt the disruption I thought it would be to her.
I know that if I were to keep in touch with my exwife, and continually witness her lifestyle and decisions develop, that it would only be a source of continued disgust for me. I was talking to my friends and family about it all, and found myself becoming a broken record. I began to wonder if I wasnt enjoying the attention and support that I was getting from people a little too much, and I felt a bit ashamed at myself.
Something had to give. I was still holding on to what was, holding onto this huge flag of "look what happened to me" as if I was looking to show as many people as possible and garner their sympathy about it.
I got to the point of being able to allow myself to look at it as an event that actually saved me from a life of hell with that person. I had to be honest about how our relationship truly was while married, and it wasnt super by any means. I was allowing myself to be a victim.
Moving into my own house, being away from that woman, and then the extent of grieving I did, I think has finally drained it all out of me. Two nights ago I saw something on t.v. that made me trigger and think about some of the good things in our past. Thing is, this time, I wasnt bawling about it, this time I thought to myself.. what a fking btch. And that was it. Thats when I realized I had given too much energy to this, when I was the only one giving it any energy. The ex had already moved a guy in, so basically I was being pathetic in my own eyes.
I catch myself now, when I think in ways that lead me to feeling sorry for myself and where I am. I try to understand what the real problem is. I think I am just taken aback by where I am right now, as I had never even considered it possible in the past. (Alone, single, 40, lifes plans all shredded)
So, to answer your question, I think I just got tired of living like I was with that as a focus. I think I pretty much drained myself of the sorrow of its occurrance.
I know that I am not going to be a friend of hers, as so many people seem to be able to do. Perhaps different situations allow for that, but not this one. I can forgive her, but its going to take time, and I can forgive, but from a distance.
I'm not trying to punish her, by staying away and keeping away from her.
I am exercising my right, given BY her, to not give a sh!t in the slightest anymore.
It no longer gets any power, becuase I refuse to give it any power over me.
I believe Ive grieved long enough, and can tell because I cant seem to really cry about it anymore... (weird).
Im at the point, that I dont like her, even as a person.
Also, I think about the "new" person, that doesnt exist yet.
The woman I find that will be the complete and total opposite of what this "meat encased in flesh" turned out to be.
There are so many positives I am beginning to look forward to in stark contrast to how my ex was.
For now, I am just doing my own thing, and trying to figure out what course I want my life to take now. Kind of exhilarating, and enticing. To think, I can do any damn thing I want now. I am no longer bound by my own sense of commitment to someone undeserving of it.
I feel free now. I may have moments where I think to myself what a disappointment that was, and be a little sad. But I am no where near where I was in the beginning.
This forum was instrumental in my healing. Hearing other people express their agreement that what happened was not right. Hearing that people were going thru the exact same thing, and feeling the exact same way.
What a great post, Shoo. I remember your original avatar, and I am so glad that you have worked through the misery. Your words will help others who believe there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
113Likes
Very Quick Rant 
