I really liked the girl but was afraid I was sort of creating imaginary red flags in my head. I was being needy and insecure...obviously
not ready for serious dating but I think I've always kind of been that way, I never dated much. However she got an attitude with me like
3 times that day and I was just like screw it, I'm supposed to be having fun and I'm not. That's my deal now, If I feel like I should be
having fun and I'm not I'm out. I also expect the same amount of effort that I apply and it also wasn't there. I still wouldn't mind something casual.
I think if someone has an attitude at the beginning of the relationship, then it's probably doomed anyway....find a nice girl who is in a similar situation and is not ready for a serious relationship.
Our divorce was final just this past week and I am already dreading the dating process. Havent had to ask a girl out since I was 18! Now at 41, here I am again......while I am not ready to date just yet, I have no idea where I will even start. It will definitely be weird....Like some have said here, I doubt I find myself tolerating much crap from any woman. Im done with that!
No dating experience yet, separated for a year, D final in May, but met with a male friend, had dinner and just kept thinking how weird it felt, to even think about dating someone other than my STBXH after 30 years together. Although, there is the fun of the first kiss, first ....
When my mom split from my ex-step dad, a good male friend of hers told her that after a long relationship like that, to not get into any serious relationships or worry about love for two years afterwards. Just to spend the time working on her and what she wanted out of life.
I woke up this morning thinking about that, it's been a year since I left my husband, and I've dated or attempted to date no one. I actually feel like an individual with recognizable needs and wants and I do things to take care of myself. The jadedness has faded a little and frankly, if I was a guy, I'd rather be with someone more like where my headspace is now, and is progressing, than me a few months after the split
I have no idea when I'll actually bother with dating again, but at least I feel like my head is actually screwed on tight, now.
I go back and forth on this myself. On one hand I think I should just be focusing on me and my child. On the other hand I really want some companionship. I have gone on several first dates with some woman from a dating website and a few i've seen multiple times. The thing is i've felt absolutely nothing for any of them. It was nice to be out with someone but I just felt nothing. The thing that's weird I guess is I can't figure out if I felt nothing because I was dating the wrong woman or if I felt nothing because I wasn't ready to be dating.
I go back and forth on this myself. On one hand I think I should just be focusing on me and my child. On the other hand I really want some companionship. I have gone on several first dates with some woman from a dating website and a few i've seen multiple times. The thing is i've felt absolutely nothing for any of them. It was nice to be out with someone but I just felt nothing. The thing that's weird I guess is I can't figure out if I felt nothing because I was dating the wrong woman or if I felt nothing because I wasn't ready to be dating.
I think you make an interesting point. If you meet someone who you really click with, you'll probably think differently. I went on a few dates, then met this person recently, and thought "wow, I'm attracted to him", I was feeling "meh" about dating, but hmmm..things might change.
try a few more dates, and if you feel nothing at all, then don't see them, but also remember there doesn't have to be instant attraction, it's more about having things in common.
try a few more dates, and if you feel nothing at all, then don't see them, but also remember there doesn't have to be instant attraction, it's more about having things in common.
I find it interesting that you say there doesn't have to be instant attraction. I've heard so many people say "well the chemistry just wasn't there" after one date or meeting. Never really said anything about it but I always thought, "really?" How in the world can you tell if there is chemistry after one date? Especially with a stranger or someone you meet on an online dating website. That just makes absolutely zero sense to me. First dates people are generally a bit nervous.
I figure if I am somewhat attracted to them then I'll shoot for another date or two to see what happens. Maybe I'm just slow....
Put your dating life in the correct frame of reference and it doesn't need to be weird.
Don't look at dating like you are shopping for your next soul-mate, or person to fill that empty gaping hole in the middle of your chest.
Think of dating as simply becoming more social. Meet people, different people, learn how to talk to and relate with the opposite sex again. Don't make it a pressure filled event. And whatever you do ... NEVER hang your personal sense of well being or value on the outcome of a 'date'. "I hope he/she likes me ..." is the WRONG frame of reference if you are just dipping your feet back in the dating pool. It's also why I do recommend online dating.
I have been on lots of dates, had a few relationships, all from online dating. I never, ever, would have met any of these women otherwise.
Do smile ... lots.
Don't talk about your ex or your divorce ... unless you are looking to ditch the person.
Feel good about the fact that you are learning to relate to others once again ... and I always emphasize, be selfish about it. Who you spend your time with is deeply personal and valuable ... to you. Don't waste it on fools ... or those who sadly really shouldn't be dating just yet.
And a very simple perspective. Yes, you deserve to be loved the way you want to be loved. And presuming love is ultimately what you would like to find ... it isn't going to come looking for you. You need to be proactive and as I said, selfish, in the most positive sense of the word. If dating makes you sad and pine over past events with your ex ... you aren't ready. Take a step back. Get real. It is acceptable to lament the love you have lost. It is not acceptable to wallow in it, particularly presuming that you would like to find love again.
I find it interesting that you say there doesn't have to be instant attraction. I've heard so many people say "well the chemistry just wasn't there" after one date or meeting. Never really said anything about it but I always thought, "really?" How in the world can you tell if there is chemistry after one date? Especially with a stranger or someone you meet on an online dating website. That just makes absolutely zero sense to me. First dates people are generally a bit nervous.
I figure if I am somewhat attracted to them then I'll shoot for another date or two to see what happens. Maybe I'm just slow....
I think you have to be somewhat attracted, for me it's really important, and I think it's pretty much like that for everyone. But I am more attracted to a man's confidence, and the way he handles himself in public. So if I meet someone who is somewhat shy, but great looking, it means nothing to me, if I meet someone who is average, maybe a few extra pounds, but is self-assured, instant attraction. If both are there....bonus lol. But it usually doesn't happen on the first date, usually on the second.
I find it interesting that you say there doesn't have to be instant attraction. I've heard so many people say "well the chemistry just wasn't there" after one date or meeting. Never really said anything about it but I always thought, "really?" How in the world can you tell if there is chemistry after one date? Especially with a stranger or someone you meet on an online dating website. That just makes absolutely zero sense to me. First dates people are generally a bit nervous.
I figure if I am somewhat attracted to them then I'll shoot for another date or two to see what happens. Maybe I'm just slow....
See, I always consider the "chemistry" to be actually being able to talk about SOMETHING. No stretching, no reaching, no one had to cue the crickets, a conversation could be held that wasn't torture for anyone of the parties, and both could participate in.
My attraction to someone is more mental than anything (and my not so sexy track record shows..) so if you can't come up with something to say, forget it. take your physically appealing self somewhere else
CLucas, I love that one "my attraction to someone is more mental than anything. There is nothing worse than hanging out with someone you can't talk to. The other stuff only takes a few minutes! I said yes to dinner with my old friend for the second time, it was nice talking about memories and catching up. Now, maybe we can do some talking about the present. The future, who cares, if I have learned one thing, that is there is nothing you can do about it.
See, I always consider the "chemistry" to be actually being able to talk about SOMETHING. No stretching, no reaching, no one had to cue the crickets, a conversation could be held that wasn't torture for anyone of the parties, and both could participate in.
My attraction to someone is more mental than anything (and my not so sexy track record shows..) so if you can't come up with something to say, forget it. take your physically appealing self somewhere else
This is where i'm at. I'm not looking for some instant spark or magical chemistry. But someone who is at least interesting to me.
In reflection I think i have some confidence issues i have to work out. The cheating by my ex really messed with my self esteem. The woman that I see online or in real life that seem really interesting to me I tend to feel are too good for me so I end up asking out the boring as a rock woman and having a less then stellar conversation on the date. It's weird because in general I do think I have a lot to offer I'm just afraid they aren't going to see that in a short date. This is what happens when your with the same woman for the entirety of your 20's and half your 30's you have no idea what the hell your doing out there in the dating scene.
or how about the 20's, 30's, 40's and part way in to the 50's! Been 30 years since I dated anyone but him. Scary, but I used to be pretty good at it so here's hoping
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Re: dating again weird? 
Re: dating again weird? 
