You can read my whole story here, but to sum it up about two months ago my wife came to me and said she wanted a divorce, I got her to agree to a separation, then a few weeks ago I found out she's been having an affair and we signed all the paperwork for the divorce last week.
The past few days I've been been seriously struggling with the strong desire to contact her. Call her up and say something like, "No! This isn't over. We're going to sit down and talk this through!" Stupid, I know. She probably wouldn't even answer the phone. But I just have such a longing for her. I want her back so bad.
Just realize--it will do no good. Accept the fact that you are divorced and try to move on as best you can. Busy yourself with work, hobbies, friends. Try something new (hobby, food, etc).
If you awnt, you could writ eher a letter expressing how ou feel as therapy--and never send it.l
Sorry to hear this happened to you but I can assure you, you are much better off being alone than with someone who could throw your marriage away so easily and file for divorce w/o even trying.
Just realize--it will do no good. Accept the fact that you are divorced and try to move on as best you can. Busy yourself with work, hobbies, friends. Try something new (hobby, food, etc).
If you awnt, you could writ eher a letter expressing how ou feel as therapy--and never send it.l
Sorry to hear this happened to you but I can assure you, you are much better off being alone than with someone who could throw your marriage away so easily and file for divorce w/o even trying.
You'll come out better on the other side.
I certainly hope that you are right. This is almost worse than when she initially told me that she wanted a divorce. So very obnoxious.
Since she left me, I've actually written nearly 100 pages worth of letters that I haven't sent. I've had to stop because I need to focus that energy on other things.
I certainly hope that you are right. This is almost worse than when she initially told me that she wanted a divorce. So very obnoxious.
Since she left me, I've actually written nearly 100 pages worth of letters that I haven't sent. I've had to stop because I need to focus that energy on other things.
Next time you get the urge to call her, take the phone and slam into your groin as hard as you can.
Do that a few times and you'll stop wanting to call her.
You can read my whole story here, but to sum it up about two months ago my wife came to me and said she wanted a divorce, I got her to agree to a separation, then a few weeks ago I found out she's been having an affair and we signed all the paperwork for the divorce last week.
The past few days I've been been seriously struggling with the strong desire to contact her. Call her up and say something like, "No! This isn't over. We're going to sit down and talk this through!" Stupid, I know. She probably wouldn't even answer the phone. But I just have such a longing for her. I want her back so bad.
Anyone else been through this?
Oh yeah! At first, I wanted to call every minute, then it slowly went to hourly, then daily, progressed to weekly. Working on a monthly basis, if I can get this "want" down to a once monthly occurence then it shouldn't be much longer til it gets almost extinct.
Whenever I think I want or need to contact STBXH I promptly begin telling myself every objection I can think for not contacting him and it soon passes.
Yes, maintain your dignity.
EXPECT to go thru turbulent, gut wrenching periods of mourning, severe anger and resentment, it will all come and it will be fking difficult, but expecting it and knowing it for what it is, helps.
As hard as it is to see this "is" a door opening. I was with my wife for sixteen years when she surprised me with the news. I have a ten year old too. Six months after divorcing, and four months moved out into my own place, and mannnn.... you cant imagine the BURDEN lifted off my back not having to concern myself with the ex. It takes constant effort still, and I have to see her much too often for my preference, but this all came down like a brick wall, and there was nothing I could do, no chance of reconciliation, and she has another dude moved into the old house. Even after the divorce, affronts continued, and it dug deeper.
In parallel to the inability to eat, sleep, or focus, try to find some time to plan for yourself. Look at ads for furniture, electronics, things you'd like to have in your new pad. Try to plan for your next steps of necessity.
I am paranoid by nature. If I go too long without talking to someone of significance to me, I start to have dreams where they've died, are suffering, aren't well, and insane needs to call them and make sure they're still taking care of themselves.
being married amplified that by 10,000 after I left. It is normal, and it is incredibly hard NOT to give in (I've given in a few times just to calm down my worry/intuition) But it never turns out to be worth it. just more pain to go through.
That is good you are writing letters, OP--but also good that you want to channel your energy into other things.
Yeah. The letters got a little out of control, but I'm a writer. Some of my friends have recommended that I look into getting them published. We'll see.
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Hmm...is there something you've wanted to try for a long time that you never have?
Do that!
Interesting thing is that there really isn't. My marriage was pretty healthy in that we both got to do what we wanted. Of course at the end my wife claimed that all my interests dominated hers, but I know thats a lie. She got to do whatever suited her fancy as much as I did.
I've thought about new hobbies, but my exsisting ones already take up so much time! I am moving into a new place soon, so I've got to prep for that and start planning how I'm going to decorate, arrage, ect. ect. Should be a good distraction for awhile. And it's got a pool!
I'm familiar with this phenomenon. It's called "addiction". That's why I crave cigarettes. For some, it's alcohol, others, it's crack. For you, it's a cheating spouse. Even though we know each of these things will kill us, yet we find ourselves wanting them.
Do you have a Bucket List? Start crossing things off.
And surely there were things you did NOT do in your marriage that you always wanted to--places you wanted to visit, foods you wanted to try, etc.
Well yeah, sure. There are those things. Countries I'd like to go to, places we never got around to going, ect. I haven't spent a whole ton of time thinking about that of late. I guess I should start.
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It's good that you are moving. You'll have a whole new leash on life!
I hope you mean "lease" not "leash"!
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Originally Posted by unbelievable
I'm familiar with this phenomenon. It's called "addiction". That's why I crave cigarettes. For some, it's alcohol, others, it's crack. For you, it's a cheating spouse. Even though we know each of these things will kill us, yet we find ourselves wanting them.
Never really though of it in those terms. But I guess thats a fair description. I'm addicted to my wife. Never thought that would be a bad thing.
Still have that feeling that maybe, just maybe if I called her we'd be able to talk. Stupid. Absolutely stupid, I know. I just want to hear the sound of her voice. Her unique laugh. But I know I wouldn't get any of that. I'd get the cold hearted b!tch and no laughing.
Last night around 11pm I was putting change out of my pocket away. Silver into its jar and the pennies into a piggy bank. The piggy bank was my wifes, she forgot to take it. I looked at it for a moment, flipped it over and saw that her name was written on the bottom. I stared at it for a moment in sadness, anger, sorrow. I don't know.
I grabbed my coat and the piggy bank and walked out the door. I walked the five blocks to the nearest park and then took the piggy bank, cursed my wifes name and all that she's done to me and hucked it against the cement drainage ducts for the creek.
I had hoped it would make me feel better. Be cathartic or something. It didn't really. Shame.
I am glad you resisted the urge to call her. I was in the same situation many times. After the urge wanes, you feel strong that you didn't weaken in the moment. There are a lot of people on this forum who will help you find that strength. Good luck SRN!
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Why do I want to call her? 
