That's all I was asking. Is it "hooking up" or something more, but with a bit less frequency.
Lon - would you spend time with a woman that you knew wasn't long term material right now?
Yes - I am not looking for another long term relationship, that is all I've ever known and it has never lasted more than 7 years. I want to have some fun and not be looking a year or two down the road, just enjoy being with a good woman in the present, and if it lasts it will just be "organic". And for me, even if it is "hooking up" it will not be purely physical, I'm a bit of a complicated guy and I need trust and kindness in order to get it on, I don't think I could even perform for a ONS (though maybe I could have when I was younger and before dealing with the betrayal and rejection of my divorce and ex's affairs). And even though I'm not seeking long term material I also require monogamy for the duration of the relationship - if we start a physical relationship neither her or I will be getting it on the side with someone else.
Do you mind me asking - are you actually dating? Or just getting together every couple of weeks?
Sorry, I don't log on often... but the answer is:
We go on dates sometimes - dinner, drinks, whatever. But sometimes it's just to enjoy sex with each other. That's just the way it is. We're both cool with it - it works for us. It's not just sex, but it's not real serious either - we take it as it comes, ya know? Are there feelings? Can't speak for him, but for me, not love at this point - this has been going on since about the end of February - but I do like him, I have fun with him (in and out of bed - hahaha!). There are the rare times when I just need him to cheer me up cause I'm having a bad day or something, and I send him a text telling him that, and he'll reply with something funny.
And to answer what you guys were saying above the reason is because both of us have kids and we are not to a point where we want to bring the kids into this. IF it gets to that point, great. We aren't pushing it. We take it day by day and sometimes we don't see each other for a couple weeks, don't talk for a week or so. But that doesn't mean we like other any less - we just don't smother each other I guess. Yeah, we have sex, but we are getting to know each other in the process too. We DO talk when we get together. We do text occasionally. Life is just busy - we do the best we can. And we get along great, maybe cause it is going so slowly - in a weird way - slow from a not up each others butts way - but not slow cause we're already having sex.
I'm not in a relationship with him, no. We go on dates sometimes - dinner, drinks, whatever. But sometimes it's just to enjoy sex with each other. That's just the way it is. We're both cool with it - it works for us.
This is VERY common. More than you'd think, especially if your coming from a married standpoint. People out there actually use sex for recreation and not about the emotion and bonding. Who'd have thunk?
The question I have is whether two people can have a relationship that is primarily about the "benefits" without developing feelings and eventually getting hurt.
I think people CAN but generally in that type of situation, one or both end up catching feelings.
It has been a long time for me and some days I feel like crawling up the walls. Dammit. Lots of pent-up frustration.
I am not sure if I am not normal, or I just don't have an interest yet, but I just don't feel like sex anymore, o.k. maybe once in a while, but once a woman has an interest in me I seem to run the other way. I am not ready to get involved yet, I am still trying to heal from my failed marriage. My X has moved on quite comfortably, but I on the other hand is still trying to let go. Maybe when the time is right, and I am emotionally ready, it will happen.
I response to Lon's last post in not looking for a long term relationship but trying to live more in the present.
I'm struggling with this concept becasue I would love to be able to think like that. I have been dating the same lady for 7 months now. I enjoy her company and conversations and maybe it is a new heart protection security system or something but I don't know the faintest clue how long it will last.
I was married for almost 19 years to my college sweetheart but that ended late 2010. The girl is the first one out of the shoot in the dating game for me. Makes me wonder if I just need to be in a realtionship or something else.
I guess my question would be how bad is it to enjoy right now and not think about the future when someone else is involved? I can't see years down the road and it is starting to keep me up at night thinking about it.
Shoe--it's not wrong at all as long as your are open and honest with the person you are dating about what your intentions (or non-intentions) are. Can be as simple as saying: I just want to enjoy this.
Either she is down with that or she isn't. But if you're honest, then you have done the right thing.
I am not sure if I am not normal, or I just don't have an interest yet, but I just don't feel like sex anymore, o.k. maybe once in a while, but once a woman has an interest in me I seem to run the other way. I am not ready to get involved yet, I am still trying to heal from my failed marriage. My X has moved on quite comfortably, but I on the other hand is still trying to let go. Maybe when the time is right, and I am emotionally ready, it will happen.
Nothing wrong with that at all. Not everyone is ready to jump on the next person. Take time to grieve, heal, recover, rediscover yourself.
When you are ready, you will know. The fact that you know you aren't, is just fine. In fact it's better than not being ready and dating anyway. I will never understand why people do that.
I know someone who got divorced just months before I did and is already remarried and just had a baby last week. All of that happened 1.5 year after his divorce.
2 months?
he11, that was easy, i was already used to 1-2 months during my marriage.
its been 8 1/2 months now
pfft... 8.5months, that was easy. I was already used to that in MY marriage!
After last time with my ex (which I barely count cause it was horrible, so start the count like 3 months before that) it was over 6 months until I found a lady looking for the same thing as I - it got real hot real quick, but didn't last because despite the chemistry we just were not compatible. But I atleast learned that everything still "does" work just fine.
Now its been almost 4 months since that ended, and I definitely crave the touch (both sexual and nonsexual) of a good woman.
197Likes
We're both cool with it - it works for us. It's not just sex, but it's not real serious either - we take it as it comes, ya know? Are there feelings? Can't speak for him, but for me, not love at this point - this has been going on since about the end of February - but I do like him, I have fun with him (in and out of bed - hahaha!). There are the rare times when I just need him to cheer me up cause I'm having a bad day or something, and I send him a text telling him that, and he'll reply with something funny. 
