Bandit....I agree with your assessment regarding my wife. I think she had her exit plan in place, she was just using me to get stronger. Let the other men have her, realize she is not the "jewel" she thinks she is. I don't need that, nor want that toxic crap in my life anymore. Posted via Mobile Device
But understand that it may take years for her to come to that realization. Women like your wife, who choose to go down this path, invariably attract dirtbags of the lowest sort.
In the meantime, you need to protect your kids if she heads down a road that might bring them into harm's way. Don't be afraid to lawyer up and fight for sole custody if she gets herself in a bad situation with the wrong kind of guy.
They can be this way because they make the conscious decision to emotionally detach, while at the same time putting on the wifey act and stringing us along. Now, I should say that wayward husbands do this too. Women, however, seem to have a special knack for it.
Agreed.
I think I was just trying to point out that in addition to these b!tches sometimes the decision to detach is an unconscious one. And I agree some women seem especially gifted at being heartless and selfish, can seem perfectly happy to get by in the world by using others, without a shred of integrity.
And I agree some women seem especially gifted at being heartless and selfish, can seem perfectly happy to get by in the world by using others, without a shred of integrity.
Waiting for a woman to come along and accuse us of bashing.
But my Ex was and is still very good at using people. She has a lot of charm and she knows how to use it - and she's not afraid to ask for anything she wants and throw a fit if she doesn't get it.
I keep waiting on that Karma bus to run her over - but it hasn't happened yet! Personality can go a long way for some people.
I keep waiting on that Karma bus to run her over - but it hasn't happened yet! Personality can go a long way for some people.
In reality, we need to stop caring. Wishing our ex's ill isn't healthy for us. Its taking up too much bandwidth in our heads.
They chose to live a life without us, we didn't get a choice in that matter. But, we get a choice in what we do next. We can choose to waste thoughts on wishing her ill, or we could turn that energy into something constructive.
In reality, we need to stop caring. Wishing our ex's ill isn't healthy for us. Its taking up too much bandwidth in our heads.
They chose to live a life without us, we didn't get a choice in that matter. But, we get a choice in what we do next. We can choose to waste thoughts on wishing her ill, or we could turn that energy into something constructive.
This is the mindset androad to healing. You nailed it. Now practicing it? Thats the hard part. It takes all my energy not to wish my STBXW ill will.
OK, I'd be the one to accuse you of woman bashing, because in my case, it was STBXH who was heartless and manipulative. But he's also got a pretty disordered personality and is a little on the hysterical side. So, I guess I can't say that's altogether 'manly.'
And as for 'how long since?' 13 months for me. I think I'm finally ready to start dating. My IC is trying to help me work on how I feel about sex and commitment, since I had 'waited' til STBXH and I had been engaged for a while, and he's the only person I've been with. So much for being 'respectable.' I'm not ready to stake my sex life on whether or not I get married again. If I do, I still believe in monogamy and I'll be faithful to him. But I miss being in a physical relationship -- the kissing, hugging, holding hands, etc. STBXH used to be very affectionate -- well, to me -- he still is with the new GF, as I got to see for the first time this weekend. I never thought I'd get through that (been dreading it since the split), but seeing it didn't make me feel bad. I know they're both really messed up people. But it made me feel bad about what I felt I was missing in my life and I realized I didn't need him to have it.
I get the feeling that, at least in Proud's case, that his wife had it all planned out to a T. She even had her prospective boyfriends lined up to come in right behind him. ****ty woman.
I know that's what STBXH did to me. He's totally dependent emotionally. He didn't make the final speech til he knew he had back-ups ready to go. Was in EA #6 at the time, and that's who he's gone PA with now. It's the personality, not necessarily the gender.
I saw (on tv, maybe?) a few years ago some weird "club" of girls and metrosexual type guys who got together just to sleep in a pile. Like puppies. I thought it was mighty weird. And you could definitely get some cooties. But some nights it just sounds so good. I miss sleeping in a ball with my kids when they were tiny. Not so tiny anymore. Somehow, though, I just don't think an adult PJ party would keep to its original theme.
All of the ex's that everyone speaks of around here male & female have personality disorders of one kind or another. I am not bashing, but its a fact that 75% of all people diagnosed with borderline personality disorders are women. One of the key indicators for the disorder is they will idealize a person and then at some point switch to devaluation of that person. They do so like a switch was flipped. They also become narcissistic when they are on the defensive.
They typically latch onto people in relationships and things move very quickly. Its a big sign of BPD.
The idealization to devaluation is what seems to have happened to so many here on TAM. I think most if not all of the ex's are repeating the same pattern.. Its actually really sad. The new guy-gal that they divorced you, me, us, for will one day become devalued as well and it will end.
I'm not ready to stake my sex life on whether or not I get married again.
Aye - there's the rub (pun intended).
Not just whether or not - but when!!!
So - you either "go out and get some" or you sit around...
....
....
.....
.....
waiting...and wondering...all alone...
Sorry - being a bit dramatic - but I truly can't see myself in a serious relationship soon. But I'm also really hoping I haven't had sex with another person for the last time EVER.
In reality, we need to stop caring. Wishing our ex's ill isn't healthy for us. Its taking up too much bandwidth in our heads.
They chose to live a life without us, we didn't get a choice in that matter. But, we get a choice in what we do next. We can choose to waste thoughts on wishing her ill, or we could turn that energy into something constructive.
I normally do alright. My main strategy is "out of sight, out of mind." And I also want her to be a healthy, happy person for our children.
Just a few things going on this week that have reminded just how lucky she is.
All of the ex's that everyone speaks of around here male & female have personality disorders of one kind or another. I am not bashing, but its a fact that 75% of all people diagnosed with borderline personality disorders are women. One of the key indicators for the disorder is they will idealize a person and then at some point switch to devaluation of that person. They do so like a switch was flipped. They also become narcissistic when they are on the defensive.
They typically latch onto people in relationships and things move very quickly. Its a big sign of BPD.
The idealization to devaluation is what seems to have happened to so many here on TAM. I think most if not all of the ex's are repeating the same pattern.. Its actually really sad. The new guy-gal that they divorced you, me, us, for will one day become devalued as well and it will end.
Craziness everywhere it seems.
Yes, indeedy. But a lot more men physically abuse and/or commit other violent crimes including murder against women (especially women they are involved with), so I guess there is lots of crazy to go around.
Yes, indeedy. But a lot more men physically abuse and/or commit other violent crimes including murder against women (especially women they are involved with), so I guess there is lots of crazy to go around.
True. When men go off we go off like bombs. Female sociopaths are alot more cunning and subversive though. Don't you think?
But I'm also really hoping I haven't had sex with another person for the last time EVER.
Ugh...
I hear you. There have been times that I wondered if I'd known that our last time would indeed be the last time, would I have been different? It's such a losing train of thought. If I believe what he tells me now, the last few years of our (I thought good) sex life was actually based on his false words of love and commitment. Or is he in a MLC-induced fog, and is feeding me a line of B.S. now?
All I know is that I don't want my last time having sex with someone else to be with someone who devalued me so much. I need to have good memories to erase the traumatic ones of being used and lied to. I still absolutely cannot think of us together or I'll go into a near panic attack.
I think I really just want to make my own informed choice of who I want to have sex with, and under what circumstances. Even if it's not anything more than a FWB, it will be that way because that's what I choose at that time. (Gee, can you tell I just got back from my support group meeting, LOL?)
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Re: So how long has it been? 
