Angelpixie....I've often had those thoughts too of if I knew that "this" was my last time with my ex wife (in terms of sex) I would've slowed down more, made it last all night long. I'm 34, so I hope to god that I have sex again. I realize that I will have sex with women that are worse in bed than my ex, and hopefully have sex with women that are better in bed than my wife. Unfortunately it's tough because I've never been comfortable with the thought of a One Night Stand, I always have too much emotions connected with it. Posted via Mobile Device
I hear you. There have been times that I wondered if I'd known that our last time would indeed be the last time, would I have been different? It's such a losing train of thought. If I believe what he tells me now, the last few years of our (I thought good) sex life was actually based on his false words of love and commitment. Or is he in a MLC-induced fog, and is feeding me a line of B.S. now?
All I know is that I don't want my last time having sex with someone else to be with someone who devalued me so much. I need to have good memories to erase the traumatic ones of being used and lied to. I still absolutely cannot think of us together or I'll go into a near panic attack.
I think I really just want to make my own informed choice of who I want to have sex with, and under what circumstances. Even if it's not anything more than a FWB, it will be that way because that's what I choose at that time. (Gee, can you tell I just got back from my support group meeting, LOL?)
That whole "I Choose" thing sounds pretty good to me. Especially during a week were I feel like everyone is deciding my life except for me.
I don't think for a minute that the last time I sex with stbxh is the last time I'll have sex ever, god that would be depressing
but I'm not certainly not looking for anything right now, despite the fact that he has already got some other chick (whether he had her before he walked out I don't know or care) and actually said to me yesterday 'well I didn't leave you to go and join a monastery'
WTF? I thought you might have let the bed get cold though ha ha
Dolly,
The whole being left behind thing is a big ego deflator. I've experienced it too. You think that you were so good with this person, that your spouse would not be able to go out and be with someone else, because they would be so devastated by not having you. And when you don't see that, when you see them going through life with a smile on your face, you start to think (or I start to think rather) Wait a damn minute! Wasn't I good enough for you to be sad about? Why are you so happy, why are you so able to go on with your normal daily functions.
It sucks, no other way around it. Posted via Mobile Device
thing is I don't feel like that really - when I realised he had another woman in his flat and that's why he was happy to let me and D walk three miles home rather than jump in the car and drop us home it didn't affect me at all on that level, I just thought 'god I hope she can cope with your snoring'
the reason I was annoyed is because it's quite difficult to make a child understand that her dad has already got someone else
he's always been a totally selfish narcissist but a 15 year old doesn't really understand that
he's done me the biggest favour ever and I recognised that fairly early on - we were both miserable but I would never have cheated so could potentially have been unhappy for the rest of my life
One of the biggest ego deflators for me is thinking, "God, was I that bad in bed that you had to go seek out someone else?" I know thats not true, but clearly since she had an affair, she wasn't completely satisfied sexually. And that just stings.
he's done me the biggest favour ever and I recognised that fairly early on - we were both miserable but I would never have cheated so could potentially have been unhappy for the rest of my life
not now though
I wish I can get to this point of thinking and stick with it. I'm not sure if I'm so depressed because of the rejection(how can he do this to me?), or am I really grieving over HIM? I did love him, but not so sure if we were deeply in love. After so many years together you just get comfortable. People are telling me he is doing me a huge favor by leaving, but it's still so hard. I never really liked Valentines Day.....hmmm now I'm wondering why.
Some night I would love to just be close to someone. Wouldn't have to be sex.
A different kind of "ONS" - a One Night Snuggle...
My W and I rarely went more than a couple of days without sex for our entire 24 years together ( with the exception of pregnancy issues)Now it's been almost 9 months for me and it's the closeness I miss the most.... badly.
I had a woman I'd worked with in our local theater give me a full body hug at our Wrap party, the first time another woman's been that close to me since last July. She whispered I was the "best" and "would not be on the market long". I damn near broke down right there and had to leave the room.
I had a woman I'd worked with in our local theater give me a full body hug at our Wrap party, the first time another woman's been that close to me since last July. She whispered I was the "best" and "would not be on the market long". I damn near broke down right there and had to leave the room.
I don't wanna be thanks, I want to be on my own for a bit - I was always quite independent and yet totally changed for this man who thought so little of me that he was scouring the internet for other women
will take me a long time to want to be with someone else...
I hug felt great. it wasn't one of those "How are you" hugs, it was heartfelt. She knew what I've been through. It made me feel even more of what I had missed, just the simple affectionate things W and I had done for most of our marriage. Took me about two days to recover.
In a thread I posted earlier, someone mentioned how their divorced friends had hopped from bed to bed to fill the holes (don't think there was a pun intended...)
I don't miss "her" - but I'm a bit lost at this being single crap!
I will say what I said in another similar thread. Although temporarily gratifying I will warn that hopping bed to bed will only give you so much. I wouldn't be alright with it but it's a different persepctive and I don't view freedom and sexual intimacy one and the same.
Marriage wasn't just about sex for me and being currently in the middle of divorce doesn't make me want to go out and be "active." It sounds great in theory but I think in practice you'll find it doesn't hold the same appeal. For some it may, but true happiness doesn't come from this.
One of the biggest ego deflators for me is thinking, "God, was I that bad in bed that you had to go seek out someone else?" I know thats not true, but clearly since she had an affair, she wasn't completely satisfied sexually. And that just stings.
SRN I don't think it to be that she wasn't satisifed with you. That is a problem within her own emotional and mental state. She had issues and acted out. It wasn't that you weren't compatible, she chose to destroy that bond. You can't let yourself feel like it was you.
A lot of people think that "experience" will make it better all the way around. You can do that with one person doesn't need to be multiple people. Unfortunately social perception is that the marriage unity is dated and we should all be out exploring everything in sight. Don't feel like you were bad, think about it as your ex being too naive and immature to understand what you had.
You'll find someone interested in you and you'll be enough. Bet on it!
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Re: So how long has it been? 
