Of my friends that date I'm told OkCupid is a close second. Dont' know anyone using eharmony.
I'm on OKCupid. There seem to be a lot of the same people on both. OKCupid has a free membership, so I wonder if you'll find more people whose money is too tight to spend for a monthly membership. Just a thought.
OK, while you guys are congregated, I have a serious question for you (so, fight the urge to make comments, LOL ). How would you feel if you saw that someone limited her age range to guys no older than she is, or even a couple of years younger than she is? My stbxh is 10 years younger than I am, and because I was pretty much out of any kind of life for most of my 20's, I never felt like there was much of an age difference between us and neither did he (until he turned into a jerk). People who knew us were often shocked when they found out how far apart we actually are. Even my own friends forget and think I'm at least 5 years younger.
The guys I see online who are even a year or two older are (and I finally got the word I wanted) stodgy, almost like from a different generation. My son is still in lower grade school, and they have kids who are married or in college. I just don't even want them to show up in my matches, but I seriously don't want to be looked at as a 'cougar.' I'm afraid they look at my chronological age and think I'm more like them. Does that make sense? I think this may be a real problem for me.
I'm on OKCupid. There seem to be a lot of the same people on both. OKCupid has a free membership, so I wonder if you'll find more people whose money is too tight to spend for a monthly membership. Just a thought.
OK, while you guys are congregated, I have a serious question for you (so, fight the urge to make comments, LOL ). How would you feel if you saw that someone limited her age range to guys no older than she is, or even a couple of years younger than she is? My stbxh is 10 years younger than I am, and because I was pretty much out of any kind of life for most of my 20's, I never felt like there was much of an age difference between us and neither did he (until he turned into a jerk). People who knew us were often shocked when they found out how far apart we actually are. Even my own friends forget and think I'm at least 5 years younger.
The guys I see online who are even a year or two older are (and I finally got the word I wanted) stodgy, almost like from a different generation. My son is still in lower grade school, and they have kids who are married or in college. I just don't even want them to show up in my matches, but I seriously don't want to be looked at as a 'cougar.' I'm afraid they look at my chronological age and think I'm more like them. Does that make sense? I think this may be a real problem for me.
Personally I think the beauty of online dating is that you can set your preferences. You want to date 10-15 years in either direction? No problem. After all it's about what you want right? Not what other people think about. You can't do anything about how people view your relationship from the outside. I think the whole cougar thing is being overused. I always thought of a cougar as someone who was only after sex with youger guys, not a long term relationship. You like who you like and it's only your choice to decide who that is.
I have several female friends in their mid twentie's who all say they are more attracted to mid-30's and up because they are just mature. All the guys their age are still in college party mode and can't hold a conversation. And you can guarantee to turn heads and raise eybrows if your dating 15 yrs apart. But you also can't do anything to stop it except stop seeing that person but again....what makes you happy is more important than you making people you don't know happy. I'm 36 and I would like to think anything but stodgy.
Oh, from what you said, Otter, I realize that my post may have been confusing (that comes from thinking everyone already knows what's going on in your own head, LOL). My comment about my 20s was more to illustrate why I got together with someone younger in the first place. I am actually in my mid 40s. So, that's where I wonder if the cougar thing comes in. I would not think 36 would be stodgy at all, and if a guy that age had kids, they'd be more likely to be the same age as mine, too.
I'm on OKCupid. There seem to be a lot of the same people on both. OKCupid has a free membership, so I wonder if you'll find more people whose money is too tight to spend for a monthly membership. Just a thought.
OK, while you guys are congregated, I have a serious question for you (so, fight the urge to make comments, LOL ). How would you feel if you saw that someone limited her age range to guys no older than she is, or even a couple of years younger than she is? My stbxh is 10 years younger than I am, and because I was pretty much out of any kind of life for most of my 20's, I never felt like there was much of an age difference between us and neither did he (until he turned into a jerk). People who knew us were often shocked when they found out how far apart we actually are. Even my own friends forget and think I'm at least 5 years younger.
The guys I see online who are even a year or two older are (and I finally got the word I wanted) stodgy, almost like from a different generation. My son is still in lower grade school, and they have kids who are married or in college. I just don't even want them to show up in my matches, but I seriously don't want to be looked at as a 'cougar.' I'm afraid they look at my chronological age and think I'm more like them. Does that make sense? I think this may be a real problem for me.
Honestly - if I was close to the range I may still "apply" for the position. If I wasn't close, I wouldn't give it much thought and would move along...
Oh, from what you said, Otter, I realize that my post may have been confusing (that comes from thinking everyone already knows what's going on in your own head, LOL). My comment about my 20s was more to illustrate why I got together with someone younger in the first place. I am actually in my mid 40s. So, that's where I wonder if the cougar thing comes in. I would not think 36 would be stodgy at all, and if a guy that age had kids, they'd be more likely to be the same age as mine, too.
Sorry if I misunderstood. But yeah, the cougar thing might come up if your mid 40's and your boyfriend is a real boy lol....You might have to stodgy him up a little bit so he passes the first glance test from your friends.... (I'm teasing. And yes, this guy has some kids since you brought it up. 4,8,11)
I'm scared to death of dating to be honest. I've snuck out the sites and looked and that's about all I did. But, sooner or later I'll have to jump back in there....hopefully sooner rather than later.
Ok, I have done the Match thing, and it almost works to well for me. Maybe it is the fact that in my job I talk to strangers everyday and that translates to being able to talk to women. (Married 30 years never dated anyone except my XW until 6 months ago) Have met a number of very nice ladies who I enjoy their company but no "matches". I think that I dont fear rejection (part of my job) at all and that comes thru when we talk. My question: How is the best way to say, "hey you are really nice, I like you, but you are not the one for me on an exclusive basis"...without hurting their feelings? How do you "disengage"?
What is the one quality that you will almost universally find in a woman's profile as far as what she seeks in a man?
No gentlemen, it isn't penis size ...
Honesty.
In being honest, it isn't incumbent upon you to declare that you are seeing other women or men on a first date.
In fact it wouldn't be very smart.
I automatically presume whomever I'm seeing is also seeing other people.
I have had good disengagements, and bad disengagements. It goes with the territory. Particularly new people to dating
can take it hard. Please keep in mind I'm talking about a couple of dates ... I'm not talking about seeing one another for
a couple of months and having been intimate.
If it's still at the dating stage. I use an email or do it over the phone. Gone are the days of 'doing it in person'. It's out-dated, and wastes both of your time.
I have no control over whether or not they see it as 'cowardly' or 'spineless', and importantly? I don't care. Method of delivery doesn't change
the message. I'm presuming that whomever I'm seeing wants somebody that wants to be with them, is attracted to them, and DESIRES them. If I'm not that guy, then I'm being disingenuous.
Honesty isn't always pleasant. I don't enjoy hurting anyone. But I'm presuming that they value their time, and want someone that wants them ... just like I do.
Dating is a fun way to use 'process of elimination'. Online dating can make the process much larger. I have pasted a piece of an email I sent just a few days ago following a date:
Quote:
I would never mind getting together with you socially again. But ... I didn't get the sense that there was a whole lot of chemistry or attraction between us, which to be clear, I'm cool with. It is what it is.
Did you feel differently?
Basically, I have stated that I didn't feel a connection, and I'm inviting her to agree with me, thereby enabling her to save face. Hope that helps.
So, you're saying that's a good thing? Should I play that up as a 'positive'?
It is what it is! Do not USE the word cougar unless you are just looking for sex!!!
Although I'm not "out there" yet - if someone my age (40) looked interesting but said they were looking for someone younger, I think I would still "apply."
I do kind of wonder how a 30 year old male might view your ad. Any of them around???
I get all kinds of strange responses to my profile. Yesterday a guy messaged me that he was coming to town to visit his dad, and wanted know if I liked younger guys...I looked up his info, and he's 19 ffs! I have NO idea how he came across my particular profile. Totally the wrong variety of 'babe.' I need to find the magic medium between geezer and teenager.
I get all kinds of strange responses to my profile. Yesterday a guy messaged me that he was coming to town to visit his dad, and wanted know if I liked younger guys...I looked up his info, and he's 19 ffs! I have NO idea how he came across my particular profile. Totally the wrong variety of 'babe.' I need to find the magic medium between geezer and teenager.
I went on a date a few weeks ago, her and I talked about online dating - she is 40 and said when she had a profile up with pics she got flooded with pics of penises and 20 year olds that just wanted to hook up.
I personally think some of these young guys have figured that a lot of middle aged women really just enjoy sex a whole lot more than 20 something year old girls who seem to get entirely different things from their sex life at that age.
I personally think some of these young guys have figured that a lot of middle aged women really just enjoy sex a whole lot more than 20 something year old girls who seem to get entirely different things from their sex life at that age.
It's date spamming. They are playing a numbers game, that is all. They are presuming that eventually, they are going to meet someone that is flattered by their attention.
Online dating. Not for me. I figure if I meet someone it'll be through one of my interests, social circle, club, etc. I don't want to shop for a potential date like I would a used car. I tend not to like most people and would only spend my time with someone I already had prior contact with.
If you start asking me personal questions about where or what I shave then pack it up because you are not for me. That's totally gross to talk about on a first date. And I'm not sleeping with you on the third. That's not my scene.
Money: My thing with dates is that if someone asks me out formally I'd like to be able to assume that they will pay. If they can't and explain that money is tight I have no problem with going dutch but if I ask the person out I will assume I'll be paying. I don't mind going back and forth with expenses. I'm living in this century and I know the score. I'd rather go dutch and go out to dinner and enjoy each other's company then not go at all.
I have no problem with poverty..I am familiar with that concept myself. But I'm married to a man who has money and is cheap. I will NOT have anything to do with a cheap guy! I hate tightwads, penny pinchers and misers who HAVE money and won't have fun with it.
That said, I don't need to go out to an expensive dinner. I just like to go out and have a good time. Coffee, some breakfast, a picnic, go and have a drink and a walk on the beach..it all sounds good.
But I do want to hang with a guy who has similar interests to me. I'm done with being in a relationship with someone who has nothing in common with me. So if you like the great outdoors you'll be a hit with me. I'm into hiking, kayaking, biking, camping, skiing, etc.
However I like to dress up and go out on the town too. I want to go out and DO things at night like dance, see a band, have a drink, etc. I want to be out in the Land of the Living! If you are into sitting at home and watching TV all the time then don't even call me. I'm done with that scene. Once in awhile I'm down with spending a quiet evening at home but I don't want it to be what we do as a routine.
I'm in my late 40s and have no real problems with age. If someone is fun and young at heart and active he can be my age or older. I have a friend who is 10 years older than me and is into doing the same stuff I am. Age isn't necessarily a problem, it's attitude.
As far as where a relationship goes. I'm not getting married again. I'm not living with anyone again. Leave your toothbrush at home.
Oh, and the TRUE test of whether you are the guy for me is the reaction I get when I drive up in my Jeep Wrangler with the top down and doors off. If you say "Cool" and jump in you've passed!
__________________ D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013 And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
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Re: Dating After Divorce...??? 
). How would you feel if you saw that someone limited her age range to guys no older than she is, or even a couple of years younger than she is? My stbxh is 10 years younger than I am, and because I was pretty much out of any kind of life for most of my 20's, I never felt like there was much of an age difference between us and neither did he (until he turned into a jerk). People who knew us were often shocked when they found out how far apart we actually are. Even my own friends forget and think I'm at least 5 years younger.
Should I play that up as a 'positive'? 
I have NO idea how he came across my particular profile. Totally the wrong variety of 'babe.' 
