So I thought I would start a new topic for some assistance on this matter..
Quick summary of my background:
I was with my ex-wife for about 10 years. (Married 6 1/2)
Served divorce papers in March 2011.
Un-filed in April 2011.
Served divorce papers again in July 2011.
She moved out of the house in Oct. 2011.
Divorced finalized In Feb. 2012.
She had EA's, maybe even PA's, etc. etc.
With the recent threads about dating, and the last time one *ahem* "got it on" LOL...
So I miss companionship, I miss being with a woman, and I miss being in a relationship, and yep, for me its been since June 2011 since I got my groove on...
I have been in IC for almost a year now, reduced frequency down to every 3 weeks, Not on any meds anymore for depression, anxiety, or sleep. So I am starting to come around.
I put myself on match.com for a bit, and I have really narrowed down my selection of mates. (I guess my guard is really up.)
So I did meet another woman, who is almost done with her divorce, and she is a great woman, I feel we have connected on an emotional level, however she brought up a point that, I am "insecure" with myself around opposite sex friends..
Which really hit home for me. It seems my ex wife really warped my mindset around this. So I am looking within myself to help come to grips that this is an issue I need to deal with. But, after one feels as if they have been dragged thru the coals it can be tough.. Am I getting to attached to people?
I think the problem is that missing the companionship is making you want to jump in to something you're not ready for
there seems to be a tendency to overanalyse every nuance of a new relationship rather than being relaxed and seeing where it takes you. I'm not criticising, I totally understand it - but your divorce was only finalised a couple of months ago, surely there's no rush to get into anything?
If she has a lot of guy friends and she is giving you advice or commenting after noticing a trait that would be a problem in a relationship with the two of you, she is taking the time to invest in you as a person, and therefore cares about you. Does that make you feel more secure! It's as easy as that. Yes, you can afford to lighten up, you are interpreting her comment as a negative one that would 'weed you out' from consideration in her 'pack', however look at it this way if she has a lot of guy friends and is not dating them or in a serious relationship she is not likely to, she would comment to you on your insecurity because she wishes you would be a bit otherwise, it would be more fun for her. It's not criticism, in my world it would be seen as doing something for myself that would make a potential relationship into more of a possibility. So yes, relax. But if she was somehow mean in giving you the advice, I agree with others, move on. I don't think if she has a lot of guy friends she is the mean type, so it could be you and your perception of friendly advice, I always think if someone is spending time with me, they are on my side. (Of course, with my ex, I was wrong about this, lol.)
What kind of woman would meet you, find out you just got out of a divorce, and then tell you that you are insecure?
I would have had a hard time not issuing a decree of middle finger almost instantaneously.
Physician Heal Thyself!
gahhhh, that just gets my goat. (if I had a goat that is)
She probably went home and patted herself on the back for her "helping you"; probably entertaining thoughts that she should be a counselor of some sort, and then opened the ben and jerry's.