05-06-2012, 08:00 PM
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Land of Enchantment
| | Why Does It Matter?
Ok, I'm puzzled. Long story short, ex husband had an affair, wanted a divorce without trying to fix an 18 year marriage, and left a year ago. So fast-forward to now. His affair partner is 21 years old, he's 40, and they have moved in together. I thought I had made peace with him over all of this and was moving on until he calls me on Friday to tell me that he's moved in with her and did I mind if our two young daughters spent the weekend with her and him together. I mind very much, though I can't figure out why it matters. It is his life, not mine, and I have no control over what he does. But his girlfriend has made it clear she wants as little to do with my kids as possible, plus she hates him having a relationship of any kind with me. Now he and I don't have to be friends (and aren't) but we do have to co-parent and be on good terms that way.
Ok, I mind and am unhappy over this, and that bothers me because I thought I had moved on. How do I survive this divorce without becoming the bitter ex-wife? I feel the bitterness growing in my heart and I don't want to be that person. I've known too many divorced women who bear a grudge for decades against the ex. But I didn't want the divorce and I didn't stop loving him. Maybe I never will stop, and that bothers me. I was pretty proud of myself for having moved on without bitter regrets, and WHAM! All of a sudden it's like those months have disappeared and I'm hurting all over again, crying and desperate to do anything to bring him back. Ugh. I hate that feeling and thought I'd beat it. Now when I see him I'm angry again and I'm having a hard time with that, too.
So any thoughts anyone has on how to deal with this are appreciated.