I have been wondering about this for a while, I always hear people saying they are going to wait to have "relations" with another person until their divorce is final. I get the morality part, but really, if the relationship is done, and you know you're moving on, why wait? We are human, we have our needs. As long as it's not complicated, and doesn't interfere with one's healing, I see it as somewhat theraputic, and helpful towards being able to forget their ex. And think about the awesome sex you're missing out on....
despite my physical craving for random angry violent hate sex.
sex is something incredibly personal and exposing for me. The idea of giving myself to some random creep for physical fulfillment makes me completely nauseous.
I'm not waiting until a final date, or a divorce finale, I'm just overly concerned about who I let inside me, and why.
I shan't be waiting for anything, if I meet a guy and I fancy him and he fancies me and wants to get it on then
I'm not saying I'll sleep with just anyone, but I enjoy having sex, it's not a moral thing for me, I sowed many wild oats before I met H but then was totally faithful to him for 13 years
I waited until my divorce was final to start getting out there (not that I have had any sex yet) but that being said from the time i filed ( i filed like a few days after he walked out the door) to the finalization of my divorce was like 2.5 to 3 months. So its not like it was dragging on for me, but even if it was I personally just didnt feel comfortable being with someone else while i will still technically married. But to each his own, whatever is best for YOU!
Spending time with someone new is great on many levels, but it can also mask your own issues and delay your growth towards standing on your own two feet - if that’s what you want.
despite my physical craving for random angry violent hate sex.
sex is something incredibly personal and exposing for me. The idea of giving myself to some random creep for physical fulfillment makes me completely nauseous.
I'm not waiting until a final date, or a divorce finale, I'm just overly concerned about who I let inside me, and why.
I've never been a random sex person.
I wasn't referring to random sex, but to have a companion who you get along with, and somewhat create a relationship, be it casual.
And waiting for the papers to be signed, does it really make a difference in how you feel in terms of your healing??? It doesn't make sense to me. One day is no different than the next, or the week, or month.
And I don't want to sound mean, but it almost sounds like some people judge others who don't wait, and put all the mumbo jumbo, you need to heal, go through the stages of grief etc. I'm 44, I'm not going to wait around for menopause to hit...ya know?
I still don't think it's cheating, but I know a lot of others believe it is, especially if they've been cheated on.
Spending time with someone new is great on many levels, but it can also mask your own issues and delay your growth towards standing on your own two feet - if that’s what you want.
PS: It always gets complicated
Everything in life is complicated...I do see your point, I think it requires a lot of awareness of where the person is at during their grief. Some people fall in love quickly, others take their time, I'm the latter, I don't fall hard.
I have been wondering about this for a while, I always hear people saying they are going to wait to have "relations" with another person until their divorce is final. I get the morality part, but really, if the relationship is done, and you know you're moving on, why wait? We are human, we have our needs. As long as it's not complicated, and doesn't interfere with one's healing, I see it as somewhat theraputic, and helpful towards being able to forget their ex. And think about the awesome sex you're missing out on....
I don't know, I was just curious I guess.
I`m with you working.
The best way to get over a woman is to get under a new one.
I jumped from bed to bed after my sepporation and now I'm wondering what become of my life (a personal post about my like is forthcoming) and all I can say is do what's right for you Posted via Mobile Device
I wasn't referring to random sex, but to have a companion who you get along with, and somewhat create a relationship, be it casual.
oh. well in that case..
there's no wait for any specific date there either. I just think it is incredibly unhealthy for where my mind was and is still at to attempt a relationship casual or otherwise. I knew when I left I had a lot of work to do on myself, and bringing someone else into that train wreck would have lead to me repeating my past mistake and completely dumping myself into another person instead of working through the things i needed to work through for me.
I need to continue to prove that I am capable of things myself, and really needed to solidfy who I am and get my personality back.
Otherwise, it might have felt less lonely, but I would have just molded into the perfect person for that relationship instead of taking care of myself and my own business first.
I wasn't referring to random sex, but to have a companion who you get along with, and somewhat create a relationship, be it casual.
Do some reading online about Friends with Benefits. At some point - someone will get their feelings hurt. If this "companion" is someone you are willing to risk losing, then go for it!
And no one is judging you - just trying to answer your questions and point out the potential pitfalls.
And waiting for the papers to be signed, does it really make a difference in how you feel in terms of your healing??? It doesn't make sense to me. One day is no different than the next, or the week, or month.
And I don't want to sound mean, but it almost sounds like some people judge others who don't wait, and put all the mumbo jumbo, you need to heal, go through the stages of grief etc. I'm 44, I'm not going to wait around for menopause to hit...ya know?
I still don't think it's cheating, but I know a lot of others believe it is, especially if they've been cheated on.
My own opinion... if you still have feelings for your ex, then your mind and heart are not truly open to another person. And I think it's more that it's not "fair" to a new person to be dating them, when you aren't open to letting them see the real you, or open to being involved. Paperwork isn't involved in this process.
Really don't mean for this to sound snarky, but once you have settled your own emotional balance sheet, it really doesn't matter.
Whether its FWB, casual but intimate, you think think you have found your soul mate, or your screwing anything with a pulse ...
Risk, emotional risk is ALWAYS a potential part of that equation.
I didn't wait. Neither did she. It was a wash. With all of the crap that takes place in ending your marriage, I quickly lost the urge or need to cast myself as somehow having the moral high-ground. Only one it really will ever matter to, is yourself.
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Ok, I have to ask this question... 
