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Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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Old 05-22-2012, 07:38 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Cheating Children

I am a fixer.
20yrs ago, the MIL cheated big time, like 2 years and 10 guys.
Right before the D was final she came running back and told the FIL she needed a place to stay, it was his Christian duty to give her shelter, and he did. Just as she finished unpacking she looks @ him and says "BF's come over on Mon, Wed, and Fri, B somewhere else. The FIL goes and gets his gun, sits on the couch and says "bring it on Bxxxx" I was told this truth just this year, we were all told she came back to R and did her best....but she cheated again and again.
My wife did the same thing, hit 40 and thought/thinks she's the sex monster goddess....God's gift as it where.
I have 2 girls who love their mother very much, I have 2 boys who also love her. As we all know girls tend to be like mom and the boys tend to be like dad OR complete oposites.
My father was a drunk, he beat my mother and for as long as I can remember I never wanted to be like him, that came out in IC.
But now I have 2 girls who look @ mommy and think "this is what mommy's do, they turn 40 and have affairs, they get divorced and have great BFs, when he's old and stale I just get a new one. God? We don't need God? We have our mommy." (X has also turned from God and her faith)
See where I'm going here? Why let the missery spread? Why should my girls be led astray? In older times the woman would be stonned, marked or some other horrible fate that made cheating looked down upon. Today, we are so smart, civilized we don't even slap the b!ich on the hand....oh no..we give her control over the house, money, kids and PAY her like the wh@re she is....and our little girls learn.
The kids and I were in the car the other day and my youngest boy asks why mommy did this (it was about a weekend we had planned, she canceled and they were hurt) and I replied "well mom's oars aren't all the way in the water, her dogs aren't all on leashes" LOL and the kids laughed as well. FF to yesterday, I was told my daughter called from school to talk to mom, she was feeling bad b/c dad said s/t that weren't nice about her, she didn't like the divorce.....She called me last night and I had to ask several times why she had to call home in the middle of school and when she did I told her I was sorry and I would try not to make fun of mom but I would never, never, ever lie about the truth, I would never say what mom is doing is normal....or OK. As parents of CS is it not our duty to lead our children in the right way? Or are we passing on the sins of our parents?
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Old 05-23-2012, 08:06 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Cheating Children

Im certainly not looking forward to meeting the OM. Theres some grey area as to timing between when the ex met "this" dude and began talking to him, just before we were divorced, but they apparently only always just talked and emailed. Because I cant verify any of what actually happened with this guy, because he wasnt the original OM that my ex was getting involved with, I am on the fence about how to approach all that.

My kid would be sad that I didnt attend her party. All the outside stuff wouldnt even be a thought crossing her mind as to why.
It would promote any negative connotations being spun by the ex.
It would damage my kid's trust in me.
I could offset the impact of her cheating ways with a solid and loving household of my own, where my kid can obviously see the differences.
In time, when that child is an adult and sees things thru an adults eyes, she will remember that I was there at her parties, and also then consider under what circumstances I was there for her.

It would make the ex uncomfortable, and thats always fun.
I get to act like nothing bothers me in the least, and let the ex soak that in.

I will forever promote the fact that I am there for her, even through the ugly truths, with my mask on.
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Old 05-23-2012, 12:14 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Cheating Children

all you can do is give your children the best example and education that you can -- including religious education if that fits into your life. Once you have given them that, then they will make their own choices.

What is perhaps not advisable is to speak longingly of the days when women could be stoned.
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