DaKarmaTrain!

Hi folks, first-time thread starter, long-time lurker...

Has anyone had their marriage ruined directly or indirectly due to dramatic changes in their partners physical appearance? I'm referring to positive changes in their looks.

My STBXW was always very beautiful. We started dating at the end of highschool, and got married at the end of college.

However, after 2 kids she gained a tremendous amount of weight. And she always had very crooked teeth (her parents were too cheap to get her braces when she was a kid). While she wasn't nearly as attractive as in college, I certainly loved her anyway.

Then things changed. In 2008 I was able to afford to get her braces as I wanted her to feel good about herself. She began dropping weight.

By 2010 she had gone from 200lbs (she is only 5'2") down to 115lbs. Her braces came off, and her teeth went from looking like an old graveyard to being perfectly straight...and thats when the problems started.

Now to be fair, we had an absolute boatload of other issues in our marriage. But this new transformation of hers seemed to be the icing on the cake.

In addition to these new changes she also discovered something else (that only appeared seemingly with the weight loss). She appears VERY young, and even now at 35 yrs old still is routinely ID'd when purchasing tobacco/alcohol. Everyone who first meets her assumes she is only 19 or 20.

She began to dress much sexier (and 'youthful' for somone her age), wearing low-cut tight shirts/skin tight ripped jeans etc.

Soon, nary a day would go by when I would come home from work to hear some story from her about how she went to the store/picked the kids up from school/walked the dog etc without some yahoo hitting on her. And she lapped it up.

Problems for us began immediately as she soon began meeting other men and becoming fast friends with them...she seemed to absolutely love all the new attention she was getting, and if I didn't like it I could go fly a kite...

Which I did. All the way to the courthouse

Seemed ol' K-Train wasn't good enough for her anymore. With all the attention she was getting from much younger men (in some cases 10 years younger or more!) I was starting to look old and washed up at 36. And with every other issue we had (which I won't go into here as this post would be 3 pages long) this transformation sounded the death-knell to our marriage.

Anyone else experience something similiar in their relationship?

proudwidaddy

Brother unfortunately your situation is exactly identical to mine, my divorce will be final next month. My advice let her go, realize this new life is not all its cracked up to be
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proudwidaddy

Private message me if you need to talk
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Paradise

Your story sounds somewhat similar to mine, except I was the guy that helped her get in kick ass shape in the beginning. She now looks better than ever. But....At 38 she wears clothes that 20 yr olds wear, has a set of huge fake boobs, fake hair, fake nails, botox, the whole works. Yes, she looks better than most Playboy centerfolds but I had to ask myself if that is really the type of woman that I wanted as a wife and a mother to my child? Na...Too much looking over my shoulder. Guess I'm just not a strong enough personality to handle that type of gal. My ex loves to be the center of attention and wants all male eyes on her. That's cool....To each their own.

All I want is a cute, girl next door type of lady to spend my life with. I don't want someone who won't walk outside without getting the spray painter out to put makeup on and spend 2 hrs in the bathroom getting ready to do anything. And I really don't want a lady that shows her t!ts off wherever she goes and allows half the world to she her thong every time she bends over. Not my type. Needless to say, lust took over on that one and I mistook it for love.

DaKarmaTrain!

Thanks Proud, believe me I am trying. One day I will post my entire story here, and not to brag (because there is absolutely nothing brag-worthy about it) but it would trump just about anyone else's story out of all I have read at TAM in the past 7 months since I started lurking here. The point is, I picked my username because as of this moment the Karma Train is running her down. Reap what you sow and all that...the 2 year party she has been having is nearly over. And then see where her 'looks' get her...

DaKarmaTrain!

Hey Paradise, I get what you are saying. My problem is I have a bit of an ego I guess. When my STBXW 'tranformed' in 2010 I was proud to walk around with her on my arm as she was now my 'trophy' wife so to speak. I think I look my age (devilishly handsome at 36 ) but to have a wife who looked like she was young enough to be your daughter at your side was a bit of an ego boost. She never looked better in her entire life and it all went to her head.

ABeautifulDisaster

My question to you would be this.....How many of these "cosmetic" issues were hers? The way you type them all out I found myself asking how many of these problems were hers versus those that were yours that you imposed upon her? When I read your post it made me wonder if she knew how unhappy you were with her appearance? I'm thinking she did.....but hey I might be wrong...so I will ask first. =)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno

The meaner and more manipulative and deceptive he got the uglier he appeared to me. Even though I suppose physically he'd not changed one bit. Does that count?

I guess my ex also had some issues with me. As I felt secure being in a relationship where I supposed I was loved for me and not my body, I actually felt freer to dress up and safer in my sexuality. So my ex thought that I was up for playing the field, where I was like, okay, great, I landed a good relationship without using looks just my personality. Sigh. I wasn't really doing anything with my looks except feeling good about myself and wanting to put on a good show for my husband but he felt insecure about it. I started dressing down but then he would even make a comment if I took a shower every day. He had issues with me removing facial hair, forbid me to do it. Wayyyyyyy too much control. It's like he wanted me to look ugly, so that he wouldn't have to worry about anyone else wanting me. As if I would have no self-control if someone played on me. Duh. Now I just dress up when I feel like it. My kids like me to look nice. I go to dance class and will dress up for a partner who dances with me even when I dress down...and has shown that they enjoy being with me, for me. It's an unexpected treat for them and nice when they notice (and there is something to notice). I also have no problem dressing down when I go grocery shopping if I don't feel like making an effort. But even dressed down I still get looks so whatever.

I think the issue was is that my ex was controlling and didn't want me to be attractive at all, not for any reason, because he didn't want me to have any personal power when I found out he was cheating on me, that I would feel and think ugly and accept that he was the best I could do. Not what happened, obviously, and not your case... but to a certain extent a woman does want to look attractive and sometimes when you're feeling down in the dumps about age or whatever, a well-deserved compliment whether verbal or not from a stranger you'll pass by and never see again, that door being opened, that smile at the mailbox...it's just fun and nice...knowing that if your husband kicks the bucket or turns out to be a cheater, you still have your game. That's human nature speaking, and it won't change. If it gets to be extreme, then yes it's an issue.

DaKarmaTrain!

Well, I did encourage her to get her teeth fixed. But by the time she did it we were already together for over 13 years at that point, so it really didn't matter to me either way. We had the funds and that was one issue that had bothered her for her entire life. I wanted her to do it solely to help her self-esteem.

As for her weight issues, I never once commented on it. She did that all on her own.

keko

****ty situation DKT, please do tell your story. Karma stories are always a bonus to this forum.
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ABeautifulDisaster

All I can say is that one day karma will most definitely be a bigger "B" than you ever were...because eventually the Mrs. will miss the attention of the Mr. even if it is way down the road.....eventually she'll get that all the attention she is lapping up will never compare to what she had.

DaKarmaTrain!

And the stupid thing is? As much as I want to hate her for it all I can feel is sadness...about the whole situation...about how our family is now torn apart and will never be whole again.

DaKarmaTrain!

It's coming Keko...stay tuned

Lon

DKT, yes it is painful to watch and support your spouse as they work hard at "self improvement" or atleast building up their self-esteem and then as they accomplish their goals take the prize elsewhere. Makes you feel like a bit of a sucker don't it?

DaKarmaTrain!

Sure does Lon. Last December my daughter asked to move in with me since the ex always treated her badly. One day the ex asked why I never tried to convince my daughter to stay with her. I responded with 'Never did because I know what it feels like since you treated me the same way'. She shot back with 'I treated you that way because I didn't want you anymore'.

In other words, I was being used. That was tough.