Lone

Hello folks,
I stumbled on this website while browsing around and I think it’s great to have so many marriage/divorce-related issues discussed here. I have a dilemma that I am going through and I would appreciate your advice.
I am divorced with children. My ex has been living in the same city I am living in since divorce happened a couple of years ago. She was going to grad school meanwhile and she just graduated. My ex wants to move with the kids to another city to pursue another degree. We have joint custody.
I have been happily providing for the kids in the past years, with more than what the child support amount is. It has worked fine so far with them staying with her most of the time and with me visiting them as many times as I/they need, which worked out to be about 3 times a week or so.
Now she wants to leave and take them, but she won’t have enough financial support for her own needs in the new location (she is terrible with budgeting). She expects me to provide residence and whatever enough support. While I realize that she would want to move on with her life, I don’t like the idea of the kids living away from me. There is so much history and issues with her living alone with them that it would take very long to write them here, but I should say that she has been through depression and some psychological issues in the past (e.g., believing that she is possessed, having tantrums, etc.). I am not sure whether she really believes in that or whether she is making it up to complicate things for me. I have conveyed to her that I think if she wants to move that she needs to find a job that can support her and not put more burden on me financially, while enduring the separation from my children and worrying about them (I feel I would basically be screwed twice).
Do I have the right to prevent her from moving? On one hand I feel that I am not in the position to decide for her, but on the other hand I feel that her move by herself would be the start of so much trouble.
Doesn’t she have to have financial stability for her to take a relocation decision? The move would be very expensive and especially with the travel requirements for visitation, etc.
Has anyone of you dealt with a similar situation before?
I don’t want to be unfair, and I don’t want for me and the kids to suffer either. I am lost in all the overwhelming details and pressure.
Please let me know your thoughts.
Lone

lamaga

What does your decree say? In the US, most decrees have some provision about how far the custodial spouse can move.

Lone

There is no limitation stated on the decree. It only says in case of a move the parent who does not have the children during school year will have them during school vacations or as agreed upon.

keko

Its a free country, so you cant tell others what to do or not to do. But what you can do is call the lawyer who drafted the decree and tell him a few nice words on why he left out the most important part of it.

Your ex must be smoking something good to expect her ex husband to pay for a housing and continue to support her lifestyle.

Contact an attorney and ask him for what can be done in your state to limit relocations.

Are the kids in school?

DaKarmaTrain!

I am in Canada, but things may be similiar in the US...

In a custody agreement there should be some provision as to where/how far a parent can relocate a child.

For instance, in a joint custody scenario she would have to obtain permission from the courts to relocate (if it is a significant distance), as it would interfere with your visitation rights.

BTW, (most important question) how far away is this new location she wants to move to?

C3156

Most states have provisions that moves involving children need to be in the best interests of the children, not just because a parent wants to move. You can either allow her to move (ie don't do anything) or you have the right to object to the move via the courts and she will have to provide compelling evidence that the move is justified. You need to see your lawyer ASAP and file accordingly to stop the move, especially if she has already given you notice.

You all have established years of status quo and it would be reasonable to say that moving the children, changing schools, friends, not to mention taking them away from their father, would not be in the best interest of the children. At a minimum, IF she should win the motion, there needs to be language in the decision that she has to pick up the extra cost of tranportation.

As for paying her costs, you realize that all money above and beyond the court ordered is just a gift? I know that you want the best for your children, but she is a big girl and needs to act like one. That includes finding and paying for her own household.

If she is incapable, I would recommend you seek to become primary custodian as you can provide a stable home in a familiar environment. Something to think about. Come up with the best strategy for you and have your lawyer file appropriately.