ABeautifulDisaster

So where does one start? It almost seems silly to me that I am posting on a forum named talk about marriage when mine is over. I know though that others have been where I am at and insight would be wonderful because I just don't seem to have it some days.

I've been married twice. The first time for 10 years. That divorce had children involved and was ugly. Afterwards I was left feeling so stripped I vowed never again. That changed when I opted to marry my best friend of over 25 years. There were a lot of difficult times during our relationship and subsequent marriage. Not really problems within our marriage at that point but parental divorce, parental illness, financial strains, job loss and house foreclosure. The list is lengthy. I couldn't manage to get my feet back under me. I will fully own up to the fact I was depressed for a year. I was doing my best to try and figure it all out and I guess it took me too long according to his timeline. By the time I knew what path I needed to fix me he was on a path to just being free and clear of me.

He left me in February of 2010 after 2 years of marriage. I did not have a job. None of that matters I guess because he simply walked out of our life and our financial responsibilities. That is enough to never, ever want him back. He never looked back and gosh I hate to admit how beyond desperate I was to try and work it out but it was probably the lowest point in my life. Even though we had no children together divorce is still ugly. Splitting of lives is awfully hard. My child had to be hospitalized for over a week and he never even asked me how she was. That is number 2 as to never wanting to return there. Number 3 is just his self centered self. He is a musician and no matter what anyone tells you it is no way to save a marriage spending every weekend in a bar or just not seeing your spouse. It may seem all fun and games but I know without a doubt it was a contributing factor to the failure of my marriage.

So why am I sitting here writing the abridged version of my life? I guess because I am lost. I keep thinking it will go away and I feel better sometimes but the feeling better is often replaced by the rotten feeling I still have. I have lost 50 lbs and then gained 60. I have not dated. My divorce was final in November of 2011. I miss my friend. I miss some aspects of my life but I know I cannot return there. I just feel abandoned for lack of a better word and trust? Wow trust is a complete b!tch for me right now. My house is a mess. Daily things in life I just don't have the energy for and I keep wondering when this is going to change?? I felt so much better just a year ago....yet in the past two weeks this has all just erupted in my head and I truly just want to move on. I just don't know how.........I miss life as I knew it.....which is sad.

nice777guy

Call it depression or mourning. You're hurting, and that's normal.

My marriage was over about a year ago - the divorce final almost four months ago.

I kept the house - and with it - I inherited 10 years of "stuff" - while she took only what she wanted and needed to her new place. Took me a few months, but I've finally started clearing out papers and could probably pull the van in the garage if I wanted to. Probably...

The energy will eventually come back - gradually. Give yourself some time - you need it.

__________________
“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity!" - Carlin

lamaga

Nice is right...you are mourning, which is perfectly fine.

Also, I've been in your shoes -- you are not just mourning a marriage, you are mourning the loss of a friend you had for 25 years. You know, the person you would talk to about your failed marriage, except you married him. I did the same thing, and while I never ever have missed him as a husband, I do sometimes miss the friend.

Please give yourself a break. You don't need to be dating right now, you need to be taking very good, very loving care of yourself. Good luck.