SOO,, Ive been divorced for about ten months now. The parenting agreement I have with the ex has her labeled as primary conservator, and her and I share the physical custody of the child on a week on/week off basis.
So far this has worked great, and was even better when the child was going to daycare, as a means to drop off and pick up the kid.
But this would have been the last year the girl would have been qualified to go to daycare due to her getting older, so the exwife decided to pull her out of daycare and get her a cellphone. Now, Ive just moved into this neighborhood, have not met but two neighbors there, and the kid has not met any friends at my new house.
At her moms house (the old marital home) our daughter has friends there, we have family friends that live right across the street from there, and her grandmother does not work 2 days out of the week, and is available to be there with our kid. Otherwise, the kid is there at her moms house by herself from the time she gets up to the time at least her grandma gets home from her job over there.
On the weeks that I have our daughter for visitation, and since the ex took her out of daycare, I have thought it best to still take the kid over to her moms in the morning, drop her off there for the day, and pick her up after work. Otherwise, the kid would be having to stay completely alone for the whole week between the time I go to work and come home at my house.
I dont feel safe enough with my neighborhood, nor do I know anyone that my daughter could go to if there was trouble.
I felt safer with her at her moms house, with neighbors to go to if there was trouble, with friends that live close enough to come over and play, and with a granny that would be there 2 days out of each week.
The ex now wants me to pay more money to her, on top of child support, because "having her here everyday is like having her full time" and she eats lunch there and uses electricity.
Nevermind that the ex's new boyfriend lives there too, and his dog lives there. THREE adult incomes over at that household, and because I feel it safer for my daughter to be over there during the summer days I am at work, my exwife thinks "it only fair that I give more money".
Here we have a woman that removes her child from daycare to save 500 a month in daycare costs, and NOW has overspent to the extent that she wants to guilt me into paying more money because our daughter goes over there during the summer days when we both work. I COULD keep her over at my house, and she seems like she would be fine with it, its just there is no one to go to in case of an emergency, nor are there any friends or days when an adult wont be working and can stay with her...
Why is my exwife not ecstatic that our daughter has a safe place to be during the summer days? To use her needs, as a means with which to attempt to get more money from me?
I dont have it to give honestly. I already pay child support, and have the kid for 50% of the yearly time. The ex gets to claim her on taxes as a dependent, and I dont. The ex has money to drive up north to visit her new b/f who is temporarily working up there, but whose stuff and whose dog is living at the marital home. I guess HE doesnt have any money, but I do??
The sh!t never ends. I watch my exwife turn into a complete mentalcase as time passes. It feels like no matter what I will always be vulnerable to any attack the exwife makes...
If I honestly had the money, I would probably help out, purely out of my own sense of obligation to my kid, but I already pay what the court has ordered. So what, the ex is going to deny my kid a safe place to be during the summer days if I dont cough it up??
Re: It never ends,,,shes spiralling out of her mind
Here in TX, the 50/50 custody doesnt really affect the amount of money one pays for child support. I did however work out an agreement with the ex, that allowed for a lesser support payment, since she would be with me as often as she would, and I made concessions such as her getting to file on taxes for a dependent, and keeping the house, etc.
The ex earns about 40% more than I do every year, her mother who lives there works and contributes to the household budget there, and her new boyfriend has his dog and stuff there, he works, but I doubt he has been asked to help out..
I just happen to be the only person the ex knows where there is a small chance of empathy for her situation and shes decided to manipulate me and the situation for money.
The ex has saved over 500 a month in daycare costs, withdrawing the child from daycare. But shes spent thru that, and now wants money from me, to have our daughter spend the days I have custody, over at her house, where its safer, more familiar, theres an adult there 2 days out of every week, and there are people there that our daughter can go to if there are problems.
Otherwise, I guess she will stand in the door way and not let her daughter into the house when its my week for custody and I bring her over there? Craziness..
Re: It never ends,,,shes spiralling out of her mind
Pack a lunch.
It is not her bf or mom's responsibility to pay for your kid. It SUCKS but that's the fact. Your daughter will be eating at her mom's house every day this summer and food is expensive.
In the summers when I had our daughter, my ex paid me the money he would have spent on her food. I didn't budget all of that into my bills (I was check to check living).
Re: It never ends,,,shes spiralling out of her mind
Let me get this straight. You normally would have her in daycare, right? For 500 a month? Now she isn't in daycare, correct? And that 500 is now going to the ex wife's pocket. Craziness indeed.
My ex pulls the same crap. a little here, a bit more there and always accompanied by some little bit of guilt.
You are going to have to draw the line somewhere, shoo. You are going to have to make a decision and then politely be firm about it. Your ex sounds like mine, however. She will constantly repeat the same things over and over until she gets her way. Always a "you should do this" attached to it.
I get texts and e-mails like this every week or so. Always trying to sway things in her favor just a little. But those little things add up.
Just smile at her and tell her no problem on the food. You will take care of it. Pack a lunch and a few snacks and send her over. If she complains about that suggest that you will buy some locks for he old cabinets so that your daughter won't be sneaking into them when she is over there.
Re: It never ends,,,shes spiralling out of her mind
Oh, and one more thing....Many states are now giving full credit for overnights. I would look into this and see how it is progressing. Mine just passed this in February of this year. If your ex makes more than you then it might not be long before you are drawing child support from her.
Re: It never ends,,,shes spiralling out of her mind
It IS just a money grab.
Shes spent thru that additional 500 she'd normally spend on daycare, and is looking to me to make her life easier. I who operate on one income alone, pays child support out of that, has the child 50% of the time, all for the sake of getting to spend time with the kid.
I thought exactly that, about packing a lunch for my kid. But I already know that is not what the ex wants. She wants cold, hard cash.. Too little will get me that "NEVER MIND, geez I'm doing it all myself" retort...
If I give her money, it will never stop, and I will always be the fallback money man.
I am not worried. I dont plan on giving anything extra, as I dont have it to give. If I did have it, I might even help out through this particular summer, but shoot, I am struggling and only have one income in my household. My ex has hers, her moms, her b/f's, and my child support coming in. Shes just stopped paying for daycare so has an additional 500 that yep, goes into her pocket. Where did it all go?????
You see, right now I am busy attempting to pay off and get rid of what 16 years of that kind of money mismanagement can leave a person,, a SH!T load of debt.. Funny how it all came down to "me" having different "wants" in the marriage (per her words)...
Re: It never ends,,,shes spiralling out of her mind
Yes, and the child support that I was paying was supposedly going to help pay for that daycare, and now its just "here you go" money.. I dont even mind that, though.. Its not killing me financially, so its manageable...
But to continue to find little nitpicky ways to qualify herself for more money from me is one of those things I had hoped I would avoid... DOH!!! as homer would say.
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It never ends,,,shes spiralling out of her mind 
