Re: What's the most important thing you learned after divorce?
I have learned to trust people way less and I have learned that there are a lot of selfish people around. I am not referrimg just to ex WS but people in general. Some days I feel like I am the only one who gives a damn about others. I have had some great disappointments in the last two years from a lot of people I have considered friends.
Re: What's the most important thing you learned after divorce?
In no particular order:
1. When you keep the marriage more important than the kids, the marriage survives and the kids benefit. When you ignore the marriage and dwell on the kids, the marriage fails and everyone loses.
2. I did things wrong. He did things wrong. But nothing I did gave him a license to cheat.
3. It takes two to marry. It takes one to divorce. You cannot control the other person. You have to accept things you don't want to accept.
4. You think you know someone. People change, and you cannot be sure how you or he or she will change. There are no guarantees, even when you think it's a lock.
5. All you have is this moment. You may have a good marriage today, and your spouse goes insane tomorrow and turns into hellspawn. Or dies in an accident. Be grateful for each and every individual good moment you get. And let your loved ones know you are so damned glad to have them.
6. Now that I am not hurting as much, as time has eroded some of the sting away, I realize I have 2 choices. I can either risk getting hurt again, by finding a person I think is healthy and good, and loving them, OR, I can give up, and lose. Because, in my mind, the purpose of our lives is to love others and be loved. And if I have to deny myself either of those so that I can protect myself from pain, then I have already lost the main joy of my life.
I recently started having feelings for a very sweet, but hurting, man. I know where he is; I was there not long ago. I am encouraged by the ache in my heart to want to love him. It lets me know I still have love to give. I know I have time, and these things don't need to be rushed. I have emotional scar tissue, but everyone knows scar tissue is tougher than the original tissue that was torn.
What doesn't kill you truly does make you stronger. Take deep breaths and give yourself lots of time to grieve. You, too, will see.
Re: What's the most important thing you learned after divorce?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emma1981
Feeling like someone is your soul-mate means nothing and don't EVER get someone's name put on you. Oh well, he has it worse with my first and middle name across his rib cage.
Aint that the truth!!! A couple weeks before I confronted her about the OM, stbxw wanted to get our names tattooed on each other. I told stbxw no way, that would jinx our marriage! Glad I had my head on straight that day!
Re: What's the most important thing you learned after divorce?
I realized that you can never ever trust any other person other than yourself, you just never know what another person might be thinking or what they might do.
Re: What's the most important thing you learned after divorce?
Quote:
Originally Posted by kindi
I realized that you can never ever trust any other person other than yourself, you just never know what another person might be thinking or what they might do.
I think to an extent you can't even trust yourself. I know that many of the people who have fallen and cheated never thought they would, but they did. Perhaps they trusted themselves to be stronger than their drives, their emotions, than they were. Trust God, if you want to, but no man (or woman) is to be completely, 100 percent trusted.
Re: What's the most important thing you learned after divorce?
- i have learned that you never really know somebody. If you had told me a few years ago that my x wife would divorce me one day because she wasn't happy, I would have thought that was total nonsense, but it happened. Divorce was just so not like her. I can recall many times that she made comments about how bad divorce was and how bad it was for children, yet, it didn't seem to matter when she was in the mood for divorce herself.
Re: What's the most important thing you learned after divorce?
I learned that regardless how much I loved my exh, that I deserved better than the way he was treating me. Three years later and it and doesn't even phase me to hear his name. Whether you're there or on your way, it'll be ok, I promise
Re: What's the most important thing you learned after divorce?
I learned that I suck at cooking.
I learned that I sing killer in the shower (my neighbors disagree)
I learned that you actually have to water plants for them to survive.
I learned how to sew a button on a shirt.
I learned that there are far too many types of cleaning products available.
I learned just what the hell fabric softner actually does.
I learned that "hand wash and tumble dry" is actually short for "this is now a garage rag".
I learned why woman get pissed when men leave the toilet seat up.
But I think most of all... I learned just who the hell I am....
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Re: What's the most important thing you learned after divorce? 
