Hi. I would appreciate some views from folks who are co-parenting. I am going through a divorce and basically plan to have the kids for two nights a week and every other weekend. My question is regarding which days to chose. In the sense, basically (as I understand) it can be either two consecutive days or two separate days. Of course all things being equal, it is however you set it up. But I am wondering if there are advantages/disadvantages for each method. Thanks.
I hear you. The only thing is, that say if it is Sunday/Monday (Sunday is a weekday for me), and it is not my weekend that week, there is a long gap before they see me again. I could, I suppose, go for three nights on weeks that I don't have the weekend.... hmmmm.....
I like the idea of 2 days in the middle of the week.
If you sandwich it with the weekend - yes - you'll have them 4 days in a row. But then it feels like an eternity before you get to see them again. And when you have those gaps - unless you have a great co-parenting partner - you end up out of the loop on things like school programs, open houses, lost teeth, etc., etc...
eyesopen, in my case my son's mom has him every mon and tue, I have him every wed and thur, and we alternate weekends (fri-sun).
He is in full time daycare until this August and daycare is also his transition - so I drop him off there the morning of his mom's weekdays. In a few months he'll be going to a new daycare and kindergarten in the mornings, and has school bus service plus a couple older kids to help him on and off the bus at the new daycare, so nothing should need to change as far as parenting schedule goes.
We decided on this schedule because my ex own a esthetics spa and needed to work late hours in order to earn enough, and so its better for her business to be open later in the week. It is nice having the same consistent weeknights so that I can plan and build my own new social life, and still maximize my time with my son.
It may have been a little hard for my son to adapt but the way it works is he is with her for two days then me for two days then her for five days then me for five : 2-2-5-5. The longest I go without seeing him is five days. My lawyer and my counsellor both keep suggesting that this will change and we'll likely want to go to a week on week off schedule but I don't see that ever happening, this way works well. I have another friend who is divorced with one daughter, 11, and uses the exact same schedule, works well for him too.
Eyes, also check to see if your kids' school has any kind of email/text alert thing to keep you updated on open houses, school activities, the like -- that way you are not relying on the ex to tell you about important events in your children's lives.
Because of my job I have to do a 2 week rotation with the kids. Stbxw doesn't want to rotate any weekends.. Start in 2 weeks.. see how it goes. I just want to go to mediation but that requires her to take the government course which she is dragging her feet on. Posted via Mobile Device
I also want shared custody, which means we both have legal rights to make decisions with the children. Each parent will have 'physical custody' when they have the kids but any major decisions have to be agreed on.
This is what we both wanted at the start, or at least this is what she proposed to maybe keep me calm at the beginning. As the days go on it seems like she wants the kids and for me to become a 'weekend' dad, which I will never do nor is there any reason the court should agree to that.
Seeing how I work 2 weeks until midnight those will be her weeks, I cannot do mid week visitation so I have to settle for Tue / Thu phone calls around there bed time (which also goes along with my lunch hour). Then, once a month when it's 'her' weekends I will take them on the Saturday night. Pick them up at supper, then drop them off at lunch Sunday.
She will come on my weeks every Wednesday and take them for a few hours.
I've been thinking about it and I honestly don't agree with it but until there is mediation .. or I get a lawyer (which I cannot afford) this is how it will be.
As selfish as it sounds, I will only get 1 Saturday night to myself a month, while she gets 3. But, if there is a special enough event I could always get a babysitter for one of my Saturday nights.
We discussed this last Sunday, never signed anything (nor will I ever without legal presence).
She has asked me in the past for full custody (when she thought she needed it for government assisted housing) and then while we talked on Sunday she mentioned how maybe it was best for them to just stay with her because the rotation might be too hard on them .. I objected right away.
Then she tells me it would be up to the courts to decide if it comes to that, in which I replied I have every right to 50 / 50 with kids.
Not tryin to hijack the thread, but just a warning. Not always as it appears!
She gets every Friday off, and 3 Saturdays a month so far without the kids. What a perfect life. I will be working to midnight and when I'm not, I will have the kids. But, personal sacrifices must be made.
I think it all depends on the situation....cooperativeness of the partners, circumstances and the rest of it.
Mine has been what you would call a very clean break (emotional devastation notwithstanding) - but what we do is:
Sun/Mon/Tue night with say mom, then Wed/Thu with dad, then Fri/Sat with mom, then Sun/Mon/Tue dad...and so on.
So basically it's a 2 weekly schedule with nights in the week and alternating weekends. It seems to be working for us - because we only live 10 mins apart, daughter's school is in the middle, and she is well set up with favorite things, plenty of clothes etc and nice rooms in both places. If anything is forgotten, its easy to just run over and fetch. Daughter is handling it really well, and even seems to like having "two cool places to live", as she puts it.
The schedule does frequently get messed around with work trips, key events and so on, so a large degree of flexibility is required.
my ex and i only live 10mins from eachother so its a little easier, i have her 3 nights a week and ex has her 4 nights, random nights but normally one weekend on then next weekend off if that make sense.
The ex and I live fairly close to each other, so he has kids on Monday and Wednesday afternoons after school, then picks them up Fridays and has them until noon on Sunday. I have them during the week for stability with school, etc. So I'm one of the lucky ones who has weekends free of kids (usually). As my boyfriend works out of town during the week, weekends are the only time I can see him, so it works out well for me. I suppose the ex is not happy about it, but as the divorce was all his idea, I really don't care.