Interesting the number of married folks posting on this thread in a divorce forum. Just noticing. Very interesting!
Because people are married, it doesn't mean they haven't experienced divorce in the past. It can be of great benefit, IMO, for those who have been through it to share their experiences with others.
It happens. It's an open public message board. Men here post on the Ladies Lounge. The women in the Men's Clubhouse. People who haven't had infidelity in their relationships sometimes post in Coping with Infidelity. In fact, there's a poster who posts in CWI even though the poster isn't married and has never had sex. It takes all kinds to make up a board like this....
Or people who don't want to "Cope" (in terms of R) they want the WS OUT. As long as its helping, go for it!
Good thread for me to read today...was just thinking about this topic for a few days.
I don't know when I will be ready to date or in a relationship. Today, this second, I feel it will be quite some time. I am in the process of dating myself first...I'm finding out I'm pretty awesome and any guy will be lucky to have me some day (sorry STBXH!!)
But in all seriousness, I know I want more than casual sex (been there done that in my younger days) and want a quality relationship with someone I can call my best friend. And quality doesn't come cheap or easy
But in all seriousness, I know I want more than casual sex (been there done that in my younger days) and want a quality relationship with someone I can call my best friend. And quality doesn't come cheap or easy
That's good stuff. This is how I feel, too. The first thing is knowing what you want. So when you do start dating, if you start liking someone and catching feelings, make sure you express this to them so they know where your head is at. And never compromise your boundaries.
That's good stuff. This is how I feel, too. The first thing is knowing what you want. So when you do start dating, if you start liking someone and catching feelings, make sure you express this to them so they know where your head is at. And never compromise your boundaries.
I guess I am warped... I am all over the place w/ this. I have a very high drive and it really depends on the chemistry and the guy. I have met several who just want to be fwb, and I do know that's not what I want. But I have 'put out' on the first date, sometimes that first real date is after talking for 60 hrs on the phone w/ thousands of texts... so it doesn't feel like a first date in the traditional sense. I am a mature woman and I like sex... what can I say?? I am reading and readjusting my ideas if the current interests don't pan out...
I have had the exclusive talk before and it was a guy who brought it up. He wanted it to be exclusive. He didn't do casual sex. So we agreed. After we 'broke up' he invited a friend and I out for an art show, we went back to his place for a drink and he wanted a threesome!! This from a man who doesn't do casual sex. Whatever! Btw he was disappointed.
I am a mature woman and I like sex... what can I say?? I am reading and readjusting my ideas if the current interests don't pan out...
Well the thing is, you have to do what YOU want to do. Not everyone wants the same things. SOme people do want something casual, FWB, some want a relationship. No two people are the same. So do what feels right for you, as long as you're comfortable.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mamatomany
I have had the exclusive talk before and it was a guy who brought it up. He wanted it to be exclusive. He didn't do casual sex. So we agreed. After we 'broke up' he invited a friend and I out for an art show, we went back to his place for a drink and he wanted a threesome!! This from a man who doesn't do casual sex. Whatever! Btw he was disappointed.
Oh man! But just think, it's better you found out sooner than later. All dating is an experience. Some experiences are good and some are nutty like that one. Lol.
I was hanging out with this 1 guy a bit and it was clear he was into me. I told him I didn't want "labels" ("dating") cause I was still ya know, healing from my divorce. He told me very honestly one day that he was monogamous and wanted more and I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship. After that I steered clear of dudes altogether for a loooong time. It just made me realize I was not at all ready to date. Was a good learning experience. I ran into him w hie out havin drinks with some friends and he was clearly buzzing and went into this speech in front of several people (including me) about how I set the standard for the women he wants to date and how he has never met anyone like me, how I was special, etc. It was very flattering but I felt a little embarassed. I didn't know I'd left such an impression.
I bought the book, "Getting Naked Again" I am reading it this weekend. I will let you all know if it's worth it. It's about re-entering the dating world etc. I have re-entered it, but my navigation is questionable. I have not been able to stick to one person (I was hoping to by Aug 1st) now I am just letting things play out.
Exclusivity talk would come when they start wanting to have sex. Discussion would go something like, "Wow, I feel very attracted to you, too, and am really enjoying getting to know you. However, I am the type of person who bonds romantically through intimacy, so I'm not comfortable having sex outside of a committment of exclusivity." Then the guy will either offer/suggest/agree to exclusivity, or will back off, in which case you dodged a bullet :-)
I think I would want exclusivity. I would not be comfortable being "dude number 5" for the week. I'd hope she was free of STD's, but would I insist on screens for both of us?
Of course, all this could be just me "saying so", as I have not been stuck in the back of a car with Kate Beckinsale trying to pull my clothes off.
At this point, I am afraid primal need would dismiss all concerns.
What if she told you she had herpes? Then what?
And when would be the right time to tell someone of herpes? First date, second date? When you have a discussion of exclusiveness?
Exclusivity talk would come when they start wanting to have sex. Discussion would go something like, "Wow, I feel very attracted to you, too, and am really enjoying getting to know you. However, I am the type of person who bonds romantically through intimacy, so I'm not comfortable having sex outside of a committment of exclusivity." Then the guy will either offer/suggest/agree to exclusivity, or will back off, in which case you dodged a bullet :-)
Or they'll just lie to get into your knickers, do you want to get into their pants is the question.
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Re: Dating & sex - When to DO it 
Very interesting!
