D Is Final, Losing Ground By the Day
I haven't posted here yet, because I was hoping I would never have to, but here I am. My thread was "Isnt Getting Better or Worse" in going through divorce section. Well it got worse, my "D" was final on Nov 7th. I thought I had gained ground, but I haven't, I feel more and more like just giving up for good. I am sitting here now, tears down the face, pit in the stomach and whiskey by my side.. I miss my wife/my best friend more than I could even imagine. I shouldn't after all she did to me in the end, but I am. It's really hard, I had to move back with my folks in my hometown 100 miles away. I have not seen or spoken to her since Aug 18th, the last memory of her face was her getting ready to leave the day I was moving and turning around crying and buring her head in my chest for several minutes. Nothing was said, just embracing and that was it, gone forever.
I did the 180, no contact, only contact has been by text and email for business purposes. We knew each 12 years, together 6, married 4. We never went more than two days or so that we didnt get to talk or see one another, it has been 3 months now and I am dying a little everyday. I never got closure or a real answer to what happened, it was all over the place. I am certain she has someone else, probably living in the house I am paying half for, I dont know for certain, but she cant be alone.
I have been given at least 12 phone numbers from women since I have been back, but I know better than to do anything right now, because my mental state is not good. I work, go to the gym, hang with friends, get on here, but nothing lets her leave my mind. One of the hardest things is being back in my hometown, its very small and the town I moved back from, where she is from is huge.
All our friends have rallied around me, not her, even her family went against her, but it never changed her mind. She even admitted at a huge family dinner, that she was wrong for wanting to leave me and stood up and announced that in the restaurant, but still here I am without her. I dont know if I can ever make any sense of what happened, I sure as Hell do not trust Anyone right now as far a relationships are concerned! If my best friend could do this to me, what would a total stranger do to me? I'm so lost, I dont even know what direction to begin heading towards. God help me for future events that I may not be able to control....