Divorce sucks for all parties involoved, both the parents and the kids. Given a choice, I would not wish it on my worst enemy. There is so much emotion involved, it can be difficult to get through. Some never make it and are bitter for years.
I admittedly had to choke down some serious emotions to get through and be able to co-parent with my ex. That to me was the big thing for the kids, is to see both parents getting along and moving forward with their lives. We are 5 years post divorce and I probably get along better with the ex than I did during the last couple of years married. We still have similar ideas about how to raise our children and we are able to co-parent and coordinate fairly well.
One thing that helped me was a book called "Mom's house, Dad's house." It made me realize that this is just a business deal and I need to do my best to keep the emotion out of it. Regardless of the fact she was a cheating bi7ch, I know that I have to deal with her for several more years. I would much rather it be amiable than hell. Time does also ease the wounds, which helps too.
As for the kids, they had issues for a while, especially my youngest (who was 7 when we separated). It took a couple of years to come to grips with the fact that Mom and Dad were not going to get back together. Is was heartbreaking, but we are all in a better place now. As parents, we put them first and let them know they are loved. As much as I would like, I never say a bad word about their mother. They can make there own decision about her when they are older.
Take the higher road and be the best Dad you can be.
Holland if you drop in again , how did you go about getting the poor kids use to two lives-two homes , split in two weeks , week in week out , living like that ?
That's one of the most unfair yet demanding things on them that I just can't get my head around .
Not Holland, but the ex and I settled on a 2/2/5/5 schedule that works pretty well for us. I have Mon/Tue and she has Wed/Thur and we alternate weekends. We tried some others, but this worked best for our situation.
Kids like routines and this is no different. The kids know where they are supposed to be during the week and after a while it becomes almost second nature. I drop them at school and I pick up at a neutral location, so little interaction with the ex.
We each get to spend half the time with our kids, which is great. Plus I get some free time every other week to do what I want.