Male, married 26 years, 2 college age kids, success reason:
Because both of us took the words "till death do us part" seriously. We committed to the institution of marriage, and the two of us are just in it for the ride. Do we always love each other, yes. Do we always like each other, no.
Take each other for granted, yes. We both take for granted the knowledge that the other is committed, and whatever our arguments, there will be the two of us when it is ironed out.
So many of today's relationships die because the parties only know about "me". They have been raised in the "me" generation, they have been forever (mostly falsely) praised by their parents so as to not hurt their self esteem. Momma and daddy have never let them struggle through something, and blatantly fail, so they have no skills to put together an ensuing plan to succeed. They have been given everything and told that they can have everything the want in life.....BS.
They are self centered and egotistical immature people who do not understand that their partner is not there to make them happy and constantly pump up their fragile ego.
It's only going to get worse. It seems that every generation becomes more me and me. Look at Japan right now. Nobody is dating or getting married. I believe this is the future.
Hello everyone.....I am new here, and this thread caught my attention right away. I completely concur with everything the OP said here, and see a lot of that too in people.
Culture also plays a large role here i.e. some cultures are more disciplined and strict than others in say the western world, where kids don't even get to repeat a grade when they fail, simply because their feeling shouldn't be hurt.
My 9yr marriage failure was a victim of this mentality, as my ex had her mum do everything for her, and didn't instill work ethic or the importance of education. I was the complete opposite.
Since my divorce, I have come across women both single with no kids and those with kids, who have a complete sense of entitlement, but try to mask this with a pretense. I am in my early 40s by the way...a professional, single dad (1 kid), well traveled, fit, and volunteer in the community.
I look around with today's teenagers, and I can't even imagine what kind of future they are going to have relationship wise when are all mostly like each other. Not to gender bash, but we continue to have Moms becoming BFFs with their daughter, and scared of disciplining them when they do something wrong i.e. raising kids to be just like them. Yes...some men are raising their sons to be lazy bums too who can't even do simply laundry or cook.
Unfortunately these days, there seems to be a lot of 30 plus marriages coming to an end.
I know a lot of unhappy couples who have stayed together b/c it is what they believed was right--usually for religious reasons. Interesting to note that the women in these marriages were primarily homemakers.
I also know a lot of happy couples, including younger couples, who have their difficult times but work through them. The women in these situations all work, so they have the option of leaving. Maybe, after a decade or more, some of these marriages will fail.
I know for a fact that many of the women who "stuck it out" in the old days wished they had the option to leave. They will say they stayed b/c they didn't have another choice--and they mean it; poverty was not a choice for them and their kids, so they stuck it out.
As for the generational issue--I work with a lot of terrific young people. Not everyone under 20 is a self-entitled brat. Do I know some kids who are? Sure--but then, I knew them when I was young, too, in the 70s. Lots of kids today are being raised right. You just don't hear much about the majority that does the right thing and doesn't make waves about it or expect a parade. They'll be fine as individuals, and they will probably get to re-define marriage as have several generations before them now.
I blame all the reality TV show crap....Bachelorette, Bachelor, Keepin up with whatever, housewives of whatever, Taylor Swift, Twitter, Instagram, Smartphones and the parents enabling the data usage.
When a kid has been raised with everything paid for, guess what happens when they start dating...yes, they expect stuff for free just because.
At least with hookers, you have an hourly rate. :surprise:
I blame all the reality TV show crap....Bachelorette, Bachelor, Keepin up with whatever, housewives of whatever, Taylor Swift, Twitter, Instagram, Smartphones and the parents enabling the data usage.
When a kid has been raised with everything paid for, guess what happens when they start dating...yes, they expect stuff for free just because.
At least with hookers, you have an hourly rate. :surprise:
I know for a fact that many of the women who "stuck it out" in the old days wished they had the option to leave. They will say they stayed b/c they didn't have another choice--and they mean it; poverty was not a choice for them and their kids, so they stuck it out.
Its very true. There's a lot of women who sell themselves and their kids out to stay in bad, unhealthy marriages because they're financially dependent on men.
I actually don't think the divorce rate is all bad. To me, it simply reflects that partners have a higher standard for marriage....they expect to actually be happy and fulfilled inside a marriage....not to just exist. There are a lot of people who've been married for a long time who are miserable and tolerate unbearable incompatibility in their partners. They tend to make their kids and everyone around them miserable too. I don't consider long marriages necessarily successful marriages.
Gone are the days when people were forced to stay in unhappy, miserable relationships because of the social stigma of divorcing. The issue is simply that marriage itself is outdated. It should be renewable rather than a life promise you make often when you're too young to reasonably guess future personal and life changes.
I think its wonderful that responsible women with self-esteem are financially independent and are able to make the choice to leave relationships that don't meet their needs.
That being said, there's nothing sweeter than seeing the two older people at the grocery store who've been lovingly married for 50 years and are still holding hands.
Its very true. There's a lot of women who sell themselves and their kids out to stay in bad, unhealthy marriages because they're financially dependent on men.
I actually don't think the divorce rate is all bad. To me, it simply reflects that partners have a higher standard for marriage....they expect to actually be happy and fulfilled inside a marriage....not to just exist. There are a lot of people who've been married for a long time who are miserable and tolerate unbearable incompatibility in their partners. They tend to make their kids and everyone around them miserable too. I don't consider long marriages necessarily successful marriages.
Gone are the days when people were forced to stay in unhappy, miserable relationships because of the social stigma of divorcing. The issue is simply that marriage itself is outdated. It should be renewable rather than a life promise you make often when you're too young to reasonably guess future personal and life changes.
I think its wonderful that responsible women with self-esteem are financially independent and are able to make the choice to leave relationships that don't meet their needs.
That being said, there's nothing sweeter than seeing the two older people at the grocery store who've been lovingly married for 50 years and are still holding hands.
But that's the whole point...not everyone should get married. Hence its on the decline.
More importantly, before you get married, you need to realize there's a high rate of failure and financially protect yourself. Before my kids get married, I'm going to pull the latest files on divorce law in whatever state they're living in and review it with them so they understand what the risks are.
That being said, every relationship is a leap of faith...and taking 50% odds on being happy for the rest of my life? Well, I got married a second time...so there you go. There are compatibility factors which can increase your chances of success.
Of course! Why didn't I think of this sooner! By taking the kids out of school and making them slop hogs, or I dunno...polish the insides of artillery shells with their wee little fingers, WE CAN ELIMINATE DIVORCE!!!!
There may be some truth in what you say, particularly with the 'instant gratification' generation but every marriage is different and divorce has been around a lot longer than the 1970s, added to that is the fact that there is more stress on couples nowadays with work, technology, working women, etc, it will affect the best of marriages. Further, in the old days people were not necessarily happy, the often lived in dead marriages because that is what everyone else did. As long as there is humanity, failings will accompany them, period.
Male, married 26 years, 2 college age kids, success reason:
Because both of us took the words "till death do us part" seriously. We committed to the institution of marriage, and the two of us are just in it for the ride. Do we always love each other, yes. Do we always like each other, no. Take each other for granted, yes. We both take for granted the knowledge that the other is committed, and whatever our arguments, there will be the two of us when it is ironed out.
I think this can go either way. Committing to the institution can have the opposite effect. Taking someone for granted is Not Good. And committing to the institution can instead contribute to a complacency that is the opposite of caring, empathetic solutions.
So many of today's relationships die because the parties only know about "me". They have been raised in the "me" generation, they have been forever (mostly falsely) praised by their parents so as to not hurt their self esteem.
I don't agree. I think they were raised in dysfunctional families and have no learning model of how to do a relationship. What they lack, in fact, is relationship skill. You see it on here all the time.
I definitely agree with the OP on this. People are always thinking about themselves and their needs and not those of their spouse and family. I do think this was bought on by kids not having the life skills they need to suceed during the bad times so they learn to quit instead of perservere.
As was said at the beginning of this thread, the "Me Generation" indeed has skyrocketing divorce rates. But that's the Baby Boomers, not Gen Xers or Millennials. It smacks of "kids these days", and it's not accurate.
When those younger generations are our age, they will have high divorce numbers, too. It takes quite a few years of marriage first before most people divorce. They don't typically divorce in their 20's.
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